Author Topic: Great grand son wanted to know about dreams  (Read 644 times)

Offline DTF

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Great grand son wanted to know about dreams
« on: December 04, 2017, 09:55:06 AM »
At night our minds run away at times
We dream and hope for something we've lost
Dreams won't bring you peace of mind
Prayers only work some of the time

We go to the mountains, and over the plains
we heal broken hearts, and all the pains
sail the seas, and fight every foe
walk with your friends, from a long time ago

Catch all the trains that have passed us by
fly with eagles, in the sky
walk with kings on a distant shore
fight with enemy's, and settle the score
this is what your dreams are for



Offline Mark T

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Re: Great grand son wanted to know about dreams
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2017, 01:57:47 PM »

I can see your writing going into a transition. You need to uncap the the first stanza so it's consistent with the others.

you need a two syllable word here to maintain the rhythm

fly with eagles,       in the sky

enemy's > enemies

Nice work. You are entering a process that will reveal your poetic voice through gentle experimentation and the stretching of boundaries.   


Offline DTF

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Re: Great grand son wanted to know about dreams
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2017, 09:38:59 PM »
Thank you very much.  I am trying ,I see words in others poems I don't understand, I now have a dictionary

Offline Mark T

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Re: Great grand son wanted to know about dreams
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2017, 01:29:48 PM »

I now have a dictionary
  ;D

Quick tip - if you go and fool around on the Games and Challenges board and get your posts up to 50, you'll be able to edit your posts. 

SharonLeigh

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Re: Great grand son wanted to know about dreams
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2017, 02:43:36 PM »
*enemies

As I was reading I kept thinking I can see this as a children's book, with watercolor illustration :)

Offline DTF

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Re: Great grand son wanted to know about dreams
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2017, 02:49:49 PM »
thank you

Offline reynaspoerl

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Re: Great grand son wanted to know about dreams
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2017, 10:21:17 PM »
I'm am a very new writer but I liked this work. I can't speak for the technical aspect of it but the imagery was very powerful.


Offline DTF

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Re: Great grand son wanted to know about dreams
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2017, 07:14:31 AM »
Thank you