Author Topic: Greenstick  (Read 1141 times)

SharonLeigh

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Greenstick
« on: December 03, 2017, 06:05:41 PM »
.



Six years and I return, lift
brave face to the Northwest rain.
The scent of wet fir and forest
will not impact me. Not moss

on branch and barn, not mists
insinuating hills, these cannot
harm. I will whistle past this graveyard,
no need to find the marker, overgrown

for certain. If I catch the flash of Kokanee
in the Lewis, my eye stays dry. No,
coffee-warmed brick city. No, late rose.
I am a tourist here. A transient, if alumnus.


.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2017, 09:53:17 AM by SharonLeigh »

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2017, 06:56:09 PM »
I get a sense of denial here, with all the things the narrator 'will not' respond to.  But a determined voluntary denial.  A feeling of someone returning to a place where much happened, either good or bad, or both, and dreams perhaps died.

Can I take it the Kokanee are the land-locked salmon?  (I looked it up.)

Greenstick to me is type of bone fracture common in youngsters, with splintery ends, which often heal quickly compared to a cleaner break in older bones.

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

SharonLeigh

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2017, 07:08:16 PM »
Exactly so, Gyppo, on all points... Thank you so much for your astute reading, I'm so glad to know it's reading as intended-- much appreciated!

Best,
Sharon

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2017, 07:13:23 PM »
You're welcome ;-)
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline matty11

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2017, 10:51:59 PM »
hi Sharon

The spine of negatives both reinforce the moving on theme and linger the opposite. The snap in  linebreaks were effective in voicing the former as were the short sentences. Particularly liked the use of alumnus. My experience of healing in bones is that the ghost of pain will linger, but then that is me :)

best

matty

Offline duck

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2017, 05:04:07 AM »
Love this. It is fabulous Sharon in its simplicity and the way it openly hides its depth.
Dave

Offline DTF

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2017, 05:21:14 AM »
After reading it five times I understand .   this is good

SharonLeigh

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2017, 08:09:23 AM »
Many,  many thanks, Matty, duck and DTF!

Best,
Sharon

Offline Mark T

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2017, 02:03:00 PM »

Plain enjoyed the read. Skillful but understated use of language hits the right notes.

SharonLeigh

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #9 on: December 04, 2017, 04:49:24 PM »
Thanks so much, Mark

Offline drab

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #10 on: December 04, 2017, 09:19:43 PM »
Lovely read Sharon.
You convey the denial readily, clearly and very efficiently.
'alumnus'...I've never come across that word in a poem;
and doubt I'll see it as well utilised as it is here.
Fab poem.
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

SharonLeigh

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #11 on: December 05, 2017, 12:17:11 AM »
Thanks, drab, yeah that word could be ridiculous in a poem, so I'm glad it hopefully works here. Thanks for reading

Offline indar

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #12 on: December 05, 2017, 10:17:58 AM »
I googled  Kokanee in the Lewis and see the phrase refers to a stream and lake in Washington state. It doesn't matter if I know that. The specifics of place as against the unspecified source of tragedy is dramatic. I feel deeply the sense of loss.

SharonLeigh

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #13 on: December 05, 2017, 02:32:12 PM »
Indar, thank you so much, and for reading me...yes, in actuality Kokanee are mostly lake salmon, found more in the reservoirs above the Lewis than in the river itself. I probably could have used Chinook instead, for authenticity, but for some reason the sonics bothered me and went with Kokanee instead. (Which doesn't make sense, as it is a "bumpier" read, with the k's, but can't explain it.) I'm not married to it, though, maybe should change it.

I'm so glad the tone came through strong for the readers. I appreciate your looking in!

Best,
Sharon

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Greenstick
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2017, 12:06:34 PM »
Hi,
Add my late voice to the chorus of adulation for this.  Dave nailed it with "fabulous . . . the way it openly hides its depth."  N is vulnerable, yet girded for the anticipated series assaults to the senses - and the memories associated.  I love how the not/not/not foreshadows the no/no/no of the finale.  Not sure about the comma of the last stanza - lots to consider there.

One thought - S.1 L4 -- impact > buckle ?  Just asking. 

"The marker" - what a subtle, mysterious focal point.   :) 

T