Author Topic: for my wife  (Read 632 times)

Offline DTF

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for my wife
« on: December 02, 2017, 04:01:38 PM »
Come and take me by the hand
lets go down that road again
we'll do it over one more time
and just forget this daily grind

Take my hand and don't let go
hold it tight while the music flows
      then we will soar some where up high
we didn't let this world pass us by

So hand in hand we've walked this land
for fifty eight years through mud and sand
fifty eight years of love and hope
so hand in hand we've had to cope

Now our hands are shaking and are weak
now walking this road with shaky feet
every thing didn't go as we planned
but we still walk this road, hand in hand

Offline indar

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Re: for my wife
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2017, 04:15:02 PM »
Fifty-eight years and still holding hands. Congratulations.

Offline Mark T

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Re: for my wife
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2017, 11:07:02 AM »

Nice natural cadence, just this side of sing-song and decent ab ab end rhyme. Content from the heart. Congrats on a fantastic innings.

Offline DTF

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Re: for my wife
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2017, 12:24:48 PM »
Thank you

Offline duck

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Re: for my wife
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2017, 12:33:40 PM »
Hi
A sweet and hearfelt feel good poem. Thanks
Dave

SharonLeigh

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Re: for my wife
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2017, 07:10:49 PM »
58 years! A true blessing and achievement  for sure. Very tender and heartfelt, I read this as a song. Thanks for sharing!

Best,
Sharon

Offline DTF

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Re: for my wife
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2017, 08:01:11 PM »
Thank you Sharon

Offline reynaspoerl

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Re: for my wife
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2017, 10:43:26 PM »
As a married person, I really felt what you were trying to convey in the work. I imagine you looking at your wife of so many years and seeing the wife of your youth. So sweet.

I do have a critique though.

The first, second and fourth stanza are in present tense and the third is in past. I feel like we are going back and forth. I think it would flow a bit better if the third and fourth stanza was the first and second and the word "so" was removed. I feel like it reflects the "looking back" and looking to the future in the "correct"(for lack of a better word) order.


Offline DTF

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Re: for my wife
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2017, 07:10:58 AM »
Thank you for reading , and your advice I will make changes