Author Topic: Torc (revision2)  (Read 948 times)

Offline matty11

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Torc (revision2)
« on: December 01, 2017, 10:23:08 PM »
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« Last Edit: December 29, 2017, 10:39:30 PM by matty11 »

Offline duck

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Re: Torc
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2017, 12:44:38 PM »
Hi Matty
I am not sure why there have been no comments unless like me others are finding it difficultto picture all the elements here and find a coherence.
Those puddle eyes of mud can be read in a couple of ways: eyes that look like mud or mud thatlooks like eyes - to be honestI am undecided. This is reinforced by the muddled mind because that sums up my feeling about myself reading the poem. Hook presumably refers to the eyes since that makes the olgrammatic sense but somehow mud kept iterefering with the image in my head so I wondered how mud would muddle and why thatwas relevant.
I found it hard toclose thecircle betwee present tense and past tense.

I'd crackle black - means absolutely nothing to me, which is a shame because it is the key statement and clashes with being married. It is a very compact poem that I find intriguing but mildly impenetrable.
Dave

Offline indar

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Re: Torc
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2017, 03:28:24 PM »
I am not sure why there have been no comments unless like me others are finding it difficultto picture all the elements here and find a coherence. --quote from duck

Exactly. I've read it through a few times thinking surely meaning will come eventually. But so far I don't have the faintest idea how to comment at all. And even as a word picture or sound poem or some form that does not require understanding I can't put anything together. Although poets aren't supposed to explain often we do on this site. Perhaps not in word by word interpretation but a clue to how to approach it.

Offline indar

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Re: Torc
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2017, 05:11:51 PM »
OK I tried harder: Welsh crackle black is some kind of material that is carved into figures as I see it. Probably some form of coal?

So vaguely this seems to suggest a collector who becomes in some sense what she finds? Or takes on an identity via the back story to the object. And marriage grounds?

SharonLeigh

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Re: Torc
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2017, 05:43:55 PM »
I confess to also finding it difficult to decipher, but I love the sonics here!

S

Offline matty11

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Re: Torc
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2017, 10:28:42 PM »
Thanks Dave, Indar, and Sharon for taking a look.

Quote
Those scrolls within her mind - I'd crackle black

Burn.

Quote
Those puddled eyes of mud, like a bracelet
around the mound, hook a muddled mind.

There are puddles of mud around the mound. These look like a bracelet around the mound. They attract her attention and spark a thread of thought in her mind. Her mind is muddled.

The puddles of mud remind N. of his wife's eyes - the mind behind those eyes. They're as clear as mud :)

In general, this is a love poem. N. cannot bring reality to his wife. He can only play along with her delusions and obsessions.

Again thank you all for taking time to read.

best

matty

Offline duck

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Re: Torc (revision)
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2017, 05:06:10 AM »
Hi Matty
The revision is clearer and yet the love is still not so transparent.
Dave

Offline Mark T

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Re: Torc (revision)
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2017, 01:36:55 PM »

To me, it reads like an observation of some new age hippie chick doing her thing, which intrigues the narrator but who plays it cool as he's buckled (married).
The lines are zippy and slick except for the last lines in each stanza - nice control of pace there, but I would have preferred the beat to remain. Good sound, good imagery, good language, good poem.     

Offline matty11

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Re: Torc (revision2)
« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2017, 04:28:55 PM »
Thanks for taking another look Dave. And thanks Mark for nudging me towards those lines. Probably tweaked enough for now.

best

matty

SharonLeigh

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Re: Torc (revision2)
« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2017, 02:45:45 PM »
I feel it's much clearer now, in your revision. Latest one is my personal fave fwiw :)

S

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Torc (revision2)
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2017, 12:14:32 PM »
As always, I am am struck with a strong sense of inevitability which follows such strict meter and well-crafted sonics.  The latest version is my favorite as well.


T

Offline Mark T

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Re: Torc (revision2)
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2017, 02:19:42 PM »

Down with the inevitable, I say!  ;D


Seriously though, I found this quad poem within the poem. I love the way this snippet speaks volumes but to details of the imagination.     

Perhaps that lace of runes across her back
opens a book, reveals a map. She found
her Celtic Cross last year in a car boot sale;
studied the mother tongue, became Welsh.


Brilliant.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Torc (revision2)
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2017, 03:31:16 PM »
Exactly. :) :)

Offline matty11

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Re: Torc (revision2)
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2017, 11:15:45 PM »
Thank you Sharon, Tom and Mark for taking another look and encouragement. Still needs tweaking, but these things take time.

best

matty