Author Topic: 4 boys - my first poem  (Read 595 times)

Offline Bubblesintheair

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4 boys - my first poem
« on: November 29, 2017, 04:56:36 PM »
To put this in context I have written this for my brothers memorial. He passed away recently. One of 4 brothers. I'm nervous about reading it aloud.

In 57 there was one
In 60 came there two
In 62 and one made three
In 64 one more made four.
There were four boys.

Cold spoons down mum's back
Tomatoe sauce shaken,
Oops loose lid
Spotty spotty in the dunes, the Impossibles,
who's going to be Fluid Man?
We were the four boys

Tantrums, and laughs
Colds, Chicken pox
Mumps and Glandular fever, not just once
Left handed, right handed
Cack handed
We were the four boys

Tunnels to the neighbors
Winning matches in the garden
No jumpers for goal posts, two parafin drums
Olympics and Wimbledon
Watched on by Cabbages and rhubarb
Hours with friends
We were the four boys

Oxwich to Folkestone
Guernsey to Prestatyn
Helensborough and even Spain
We liked to camp
And Cowfold., Yes Cowfold in
The quarter masters stores and the tuck shop
We were the four boys

Bikes, scooters, mopeds
Gillera, Suzuki, Hillman Imp,
Cortina Mark 4, The pit in the garage
Engines in, engines out
Too much noise
We were the four boys

Girlfriends, babies,
Coming home late, coming home drunk
Leaving school, leaving home,
Weddings, separations, Children
Grandchildren, Great Grandchildren
We were the four boys

England, Singapore,
Australia, So far apart
But in our hearts so close
Together for anniversaries and Christmases past
We were the four boys

And now here we all are, together again
Terry Alan Keith and yes Colin too
We were the four boys
We are the four boys
We will always be
The four boys

Offline DTF

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Re: 4 boys - my first poem
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2017, 09:32:44 PM »
THIS IS GREAT   i can tell you loved those four boys

Offline Tom 10

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Re: 4 boys - my first poem
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2017, 11:19:08 PM »
Very nice, and I'm sure it will be warmly received.  The details of course mean little to me, but for tribute poems, the details are what will resonate with your audience.  Not much to do editing, my advice is to practice the delivery so the words come rather than the tears.  Just saying.


Cheers.

T

Offline Gyppo

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Re: 4 boys - my first poem
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2017, 12:59:10 AM »
I agree with Tom, people will be looking for shared memories of the person they recognise, not literary perfection.

=====

From a practical viewpoint, especially if you aren't used to public speaking.

1) Print it out in bold, and a little bigger than the font you'd normally use.  Makes it easier if you lose your place due to your eyes misting up a bit.

2)  Print it on stiffish paper, or thin card if your printer lets you do this.  Thin paper goes floppy at the most inconvenient times and makes you lose your place.  Thin paper also rustles horribly when everyone else is quiet and if your hands are shaking or fiddling.

3)  If it's on more than one sheet - which it will be - staple them together at the top left corner, or use a treasury tag to  hold them together and let you easily flop each page underneath as you finish.  If you're unfortunate enough to drop it you can easily find your place again if the pages stay in the right order.

4)  Finally, make a conscious effort to slow down.  Many people have a tendency to gabble through things like this.  Don't be afraid to pause for a few seconds if a particular memory causes people to smile, or even laugh aloud, because this is clearly celebrating his life, not just saying goodbye.

It may be difficult, but you'll be glad you made the effort.

Best wishes,

Gyppo

PS:  Don't be surprised if people ask you for a copy later.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2017, 01:04:08 AM by Gyppo »
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline GVBoy1966

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Re: 4 boys - my first poem
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2017, 02:34:30 AM »
I'll start by first saying how sorry I am for your loss!  Your writing tells me a lot about the four boys, your family and the love between all of you. Thank you for sharing.  It is an honor.

Speaking from a little experience, expect to enjoy discovering his fingerprints in the months and years ahead through all the people around him.  When you begin looking for it, you will see that he will live forever through those he touched.

re: The writing itself. My novice two cents echos that of others.  Read it aloud many times, practice slowing down cause you will likely deliver it faster than what you anticipate, and when practicing if some part feels awkward or doesn't roll off the tongue like you expected... then change it.  The exact words or syntax are not that important.  What is important are the memories, tears, laughs and experiences you share together.

You'll do great. You got this!

Offline indar

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Re: 4 boys - my first poem
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2017, 06:40:43 PM »
Hello,

First, I think it was wise of you to "air" this piece on this site first just to work your way up to presenting it as a memorial in an emotional setting. Somehow you have managed to capture tender sadness and the rollicking nature of a family of 4 boys all at once. Anyone listening either will say "yes that is the way it was/is" or they will learn something about family. No one will be unmoved.

Offline Bubblesintheair

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Re: 4 boys - my first poem
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2017, 10:41:16 AM »
A massive thank you to you all for your kind words - the service was perfect for my brother.  I received some really lovely compliments on my poem, most who didnt believe i had never written one before, and some encouraged me to continue.  I will honour the conditions of this site and have a look at other peoples work.  Thanks again.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: 4 boys - my first poem
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2017, 11:47:19 AM »
Congrats, Bubbles,

Glad to hear everything went well.  It usually does when you do what Gyppo tells you to do.    ;D ;D 

T