Author Topic: Time Management à la Jack  (Read 658 times)

Offline jakuper

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Time Management à la Jack
« on: November 23, 2017, 12:50:20 PM »

I need to take Annette to the cosmetician, so we enter the car and drive there.

Just a few minutes and we reach our destination. She gets out and enters the building.

I look at my watch and calculate the time I have to kill until I take her back -  three quarters of an hour. I decide to go to the nearby supermarket to withdraw money from the ATM they put there last week.

I arrive, park close to the device, and approach it. I see two women looking intensely at the screen. I watch their faces and see something familiar - they both have a similar look. Oh, I know this look - I saw the same in the cowshed when I was in country last spring. They try hard to understand what to do: "You will be debited for this action in your bank. Do you want to continue?" A little bit down there I can see "yes."

I look at them and understand that they are in the middle of a strained thought process, and I swear, I hear wheels in their minds turn slow tick tacking but not producing any result, both of them holding hands to ease the thought process. At last, the device understands that it is a total waste of time to expect that anything else will happen today, and the screen changes to "the device is temporarily out of the order."

"No, don't think you've won me that easily - I will go to the mall and take out the money from ATM there. And then I will loiter between stores to kill the surplus time. This suits me even better." I told with my nose up. This was not for anybody specific, more to calm myself.

~*~

And here I am. I approach the device, withdraw my wallet from the pocket... Once more, I withdraw my wallet from the pocket...

Stop! Wait a moment. There is no wallet. But of course!
Back at home, I asked Annette to take my wallet down from the second floor, but I didn't check the execution and so the wallet didn't come to my lap.

Well, then. Return home. Park near the door and try to open... And the second time try to open…

It's a little bit difficult without the key. So, where is it? Oh no! Surely, it fell when I looked for my wallet…

I return to the mall. Locate and grab the key. Return home. Take the wallet. Return to the Mall to take some money from the hole in the wall!

Ugh! I try to wipe the forehead dry from the perspiration but just smear it all over my face.

Now, where was I?

Oh yes - take out the wallet, take out the card, put into the groove, and begin to unscramble what is written on the screen. (Of course, it is written otherwise than in that near the supermarket.)

I succeed to move on and the appliance gives signs that there is something to be taken out.
I don’t see anything going out, so turn down closer to the screen to find why the machine does not give me my money. But my movement forward is interfered by my phone, who begins to give out some shouting sounds. My head still tries to go near the machine screen, but my hands go to my trousers to take out the phone from the pocket.

It’s good I use both hands, because the moment the phone leaves the pocket, it decides to fall down. If not my other hand, it would succeed in its attempt. It takes me but another moment to open the mobile and what do I hear? NOTHING!

Why is the connection broken down always when we need it? I won't use it ever again! At least not today. Or at least until the next time…

Wait a moment. It's not the connection. It is just the caller who finished to ring.

I check out the caller's number. "Private number". Why, it is so logical. What did I just want? To know who phoned me? Well, it's PRIVATE. (Private? It reminds me of childhood days when you ringed on any door and immediately ran, so they won't catch you. Still playing these childish games, are we? I can do you anything because you don't know who it is. Just see how many Private numbers there are!)

That's it. Most probably, it is Annette who phoned me to say that she finished her treatment. At least I have my money.

Take money… But it's not there. Just a note which this time I succeed to read: "Your balance is not sufficient for this operation."

Oh yeh! Of course. Why not? Why there should be money if yesterday I have given the card to my son to buy a shirt? It seems that it wasn't the only thing he bought.

Hmm… I'm used to being without money in my pockets. Those who have teenagers know that this is the most natural way to live as their suction actions don't give you time to replenish your pockets.

Okay.
Okay once more - I'm saying this mantra while breathing slowly and begin to ride in the direction of where I've left Annette. I wanted to kill time in the mall but now I'm driving away from it.

I drive and phone to Annette. Busy. Still busy…
Oh, here she answers: No, she's not ready yet. Be in ten minutes.
But meanwhile, I've reached the place. What shall I do? I won't just sit in the car. I'll go to take my visiting cards I ordered two days ago.

I am two minutes to the place when Annette phones me. She says that I have to take her back immediately. She forgot to tell me that she has arranged with her friends to go to the library, and they are awaiting for her there.

~*~

Well. I succeeded today to do a lot... of driving.

There are success trainers that say that for each bad thing that happens to you, you have to find at least two good thoughts. And this will amend the situation.

So then, 'Even though I didn't manage very well my time, 1 - it could be worse, 2 - it could be much worse.'

After a while, doubts begin to creep into my mind spoiling the beautiful image of fulfilled mantra and eat the last of calmness. It doesn't sound as two positive thoughts. Let's try something other: '1 - It's a good weather, 2 - It's rather cool.'

And reflecting on those jolly thoughts, I open Air Conditioner even more and drive home.

Offline jakuper

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Re: Time Management à la Jack
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2017, 12:47:29 PM »
If two persons write two pieces, how arises the question about the same member writing both?
Can you elaborate please?

Offline jakuper

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Re: Time Management à la Jack
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2017, 01:00:48 PM »
But what the conection between those two posts?

Offline jakuper

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Re: Time Management à la Jack
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2017, 01:07:46 PM »
Instead of appologies, maybe give a review?  :D

Offline Vogel

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Re: Time Management à la Jack
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2017, 01:40:45 PM »
Hello,

Thank you for sharing your work with us. It's been rather boring around here.


 to withdraw money from the ATM they put there last week.


Who is they?

Quote
I need to take Annette to the cosmetician, so we enter the car and drive there.

I found the phrasing strange. May just be a personal thing so use or lose. Still, it could use some tightening. I struck through all the words that I thought were unnecessary.

Also, if the women are looking at the ATM, then how can the MC see their faces? The whole paragraph reads odd to me and I'm not sure what's going on. If the women are in front of the ATM, then how can he see the screen and the options? People usually don't go up to an ATM until the first person is finished, for security and politeness.

Quote
to "the device is temporarily out of the order."

And why are they having to think so hard to use the ATM? Surely it doesn't require that much thought?

"No, don't think you've won me that easily - I will go to the mall and take out the money from ATM there. And then I will loiter between stores to kill the surplus time. This suits me even better." I told with my nose up.

Told is past tense and you've been writing in present tense. The correct word I guess would be say. And there are other issues there. You need a comma before the last quotation mark to attach it to the dialogue tag, if that's what that underlined part is.

I'm wondering if maybe English isn't your first language?

Not sure what your intentions for the piece are? If you're writing to try to entertain others, then I would suggest reading a lot to figure out how other people tell stories.

I like the idea of a phone shouting at you. Though I'm not sure a sound can be shouting? Can shout be used as an adjective rather than a verb?

by my phone, who is shouting at me begins to give out some shouting sounds.

Also, I'm not sure you can open an air conditioner even more. Maybe you can open the vents more?

Thanks for sharing Jakuper. Hope this helps.

By the way, I liked this:

I check out the caller's number. "Private number". Why, it is so logical. What did I just want? To know who phoned me? Well, it's PRIVATE. (Private? It reminds me of childhood days when you ringed on any door and immediately ran, so they won't catch you. Still playing these childish games, are we?

though this sentence is missing something: I can do you anything because you don't know who it is. Just see how many Private numbers there are!)