Hate to say it, MJ, but I don't think this is your biggest problem. The quote is such a cliche, I can't imagine it selling your book for you, which is what you need a jacket blurb to do.
I like the idea of starting with reported speech, but surely you can find something a little less predictable? Remember, you're trying to make your book stand out from all the others on the shelf.
All this says to me is, there's sex in there somewhere but the writer doesn't have a distinctive voice. I can take (or leave) the sex, but not the blandness.
I think you should take another look at it.