Author Topic: Been burrowing in my dusty archives. Death of a chair, from 2008.  (Read 353 times)

Offline Gyppo

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        I am perched on a rather uncomfortable little metal stool following the sad and rather sudden death of my much loved and loyally hard-working gas-lift swivel chair.  It had been making threatening noises for the last few weeks, and gradually beginning to wobble.  Plus it needed re-gassing.

         Bouncing around on it last night during the impromptu MWC party as I listened to The Drinking Song from The Student Prince and Sabre Dance probably helped in its demise.

        Originally I thought the noises came from the wooden base in the plastic pan, assuming a crack in the wood.  When the seat pan started to tilt, as happened with my earlier cheapo swivel seat, I thought the lug where it fitted on top of the vertical shaft was coming loose.  In that case I knew a good bodge.  Use a Pepsi can shim to take up the slack, drive it all back into line with a lump hammer, and then drill through and fit an expanding roll pin.

        So that was the Master Plan, which was scheduled - if such a term can be used for any of my rather loose planning - to take place after Christmas.  Along with re-upholstering the seat pan.  I had a nice bit of black denim ready for the job.

        I've always been more than happy to repair good stuff which has earned it keep, rather than just replace.  This was a chair which would have cost over 50 new, although I picked it up for 3 as a bargain.  It was tough as hell, not one of those budget priced things which are designed for occasional use.

        I've sometimes spent more than twelve hours a day perched on that thing, and can't even guess how many words have flowed through my fingers during the six years or so it has served me.

        It has worked seven days a week and during that time has come to fit my arse perfectly.  The back is adjustable too and compared to all the chairs which have been and gone before it was bliss.

        And now it is dead...

        I sat on it this morning, logged onto MWC, and just before the end of my morning tease of Tim there was a sudden crack and back it went.

        It's funny how the adrenaline hyper-speed kicks in.  My initial thought was that the back has snapped off.  Second thought was a mental picture of where I was going to land.  There's not a lot of spare space in my room, so the thought of bringing down an eight-high stack of book crates on top of me didn't hold much appeal.  But neither did the thought of throwing myself the other way and smacking the back of my head against the wooden end of my bed.

        But instinct usually works out okay for me, and years of falling in the showman's arena have left a fine set of reflexes even if the body isn't as supple as it once was.

        I managed to break the fall a little with one elbow on the edge of my bed and the other on the  smaller - two-high - pair of crates which supports my scanner and a few other odds and ends.

        At this point - about halfway to the floor - I realised that the seat pan and back were still connected and had just snapped away from the vertical stem, which was rearing up between my legs, sporting a crown of ragged metal.

        I hit the ground with one hell of a thump, but managed not to fall back full length.  My stiff and dodgy knee was bent at an angle I would prefer it not to adopt at the moment, and I had to bend it even more acutely - and briefly agonisingly - to disentangle it from where it was trapped between the leg of my writing desk and my bed.

        I could hear Mum charging upstairs, making remarkably rapid progress for a lady of 83 with her own collection of stiff joints,and called out that I was alright.  But she didn't hear me and came tearing in like an Ageing Valkyrie to the rescue.

        Had we needed an ambulance she would have had to jump over me and the broken remnants of my chair to reach the phone, and the gleam in her eyes suggested she would have done it in one flying leap.

        In between much laughing and much repeated use of the phrase "Buggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbugger" I convinced her I wasn't damaged.

        After a few minutes to recover I then had the problem of disentangling myself from my surroundings, with one dodgy leg which flatly refused to bend again and was no use for pushing myself up.  It took a while, but eventually I managed to lever myself onto my bed using just my arms, and then had another session of "Buggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbuggerandsoddin'damn as well". 

        This reassured Mum no end and she wandered off to make me a cup of coffee as I say there holding my knee and cursing softly.  It had been getting better.

        Mum returned with the coffee and said she'd "Never known so much buggering at any one time," but "I knew you weren't really damaged because that's your annoyed and thwarted word."

        She's right too.

        And right now I've been sat on this damned stool for too long.  If I can find one at the right price I know what my Christmas present to myself is going to be this year.   But first I've got to get my knee sorted out so I can walk over the office furniture showroom.

        So, one more quiet but heartfelt chorus of "Buggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbugger".

        ===

And here's the sad remnant.  Left click to enlarge.

« Last Edit: October 15, 2017, 06:25:45 PM by Gyppo »
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Offline fire-fly

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Re: Been burrowing in my dusty archives. Death of a chair, from 2008.
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2017, 09:15:03 PM »
 :D :D

I remember this story mate. How many chairs have you been through since this one?
I'm A Binge Thinker: Do It A Lot Somedays, Then Not Much At All.

Don't take life too seriously, none of us get out of it alive. >:D


Offline Gyppo

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Re: Been burrowing in my dusty archives. Death of a chair, from 2008.
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2017, 02:07:20 AM »
Only one chair since then, but it's had three or four replacement gas-struts, which are cheap enough and easy to replace.  (If you have a seven  pound lump hammer.)

It's been a gas stool for over a year now since the back snapped off, but surprisingly comfortable as such.  I only forgot a couple of times and fell off after leaning back ;-)  the seat padding however is wearing thin, so I plan on a replacement some time in the fairly near future.  Maybe a Christmas present for myself.

That first one was real eye-opener for me into just how comfortable and durable a more expensive chair could be.  I got it for three pounds from the recycling place, having haggled down from five ;-)  But I looked it up online and it would have cost around two hundred new.

The one I'm using now cost a little way into three figures, but I've never regretted it.
« Last Edit: October 16, 2017, 02:10:21 AM by Gyppo »
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline fire-fly

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Re: Been burrowing in my dusty archives. Death of a chair, from 2008.
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2017, 03:39:44 AM »
Mine is losing its outer skin now. We paid a price for it but it is about ten years old now. Looks well loved  :P
I'm A Binge Thinker: Do It A Lot Somedays, Then Not Much At All.

Don't take life too seriously, none of us get out of it alive. >:D


Artemis Quark

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Re: Been burrowing in my dusty archives. Death of a chair, from 2008.
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2017, 03:29:44 PM »
...rearing up between my legs, sporting a crown of ragged metal...

A scary image comes to mind. Take good care of your junk, Gyp, if you catch my drift. A great yarn, full of brilliant imagery. Hope your knee is sorted out.