Author Topic: Anyone want to help with this script?  (Read 1084 times)

Offline Hunter

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Anyone want to help with this script?
« on: May 18, 2017, 12:59:29 PM »
     INT. SECRET AIR FORCE BASE - NIGHT

     An air for officer, Morgan, is about to go in to an interrogation
     room to interrogate two aliens. But before he goes in, his
     commanding officer, John, stops him..

                                        COMMANDER JOHN
     Before you go in there, you should know they are telepathic.


     INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)

     Two aliens, with big grey eyes, oval shaped heads, and small
     skinny bodies, are sitting in chairs and are in restraints. Officer
     Morgan walks in with a list of questions in his hand and sits
     down. As he's about to ask "Where are you from?" the aliens'
     eyes start to change to the color purple. Officer Morgan starts
     feeling strange with tears rolling down his face..

                               OFFICER MORGAN
                We're from a planet called 'Barrdem'.

     Their eyes change back to grey and Officer Morgan himself. As
     he's about to ask "Why are you here?" their eyes change back
     to purple and they start controlling his mind again..

                               OFFICER MORGAN
          We're looking for someone.. One of us among you..

hillwalker3000

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Re: Anyone want to help with this script?
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2017, 12:35:55 PM »
You've already posted one version of this on the Review My Script page and it was impossible to offer any pointers on such a short piece. Are you looking for someone else to write this with you? On this evidence, you're going to find it difficult to attract any takers. There's hardly anything here on display worth taking further.

H3K

Offline Hunter

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Re: Anyone want to help with this script?
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2017, 06:15:28 PM »
I need someone to help me write it. My friend said he would
but he hasn't yet. I have a lot of ideas for this script, but for
some reason I can't get past two scenes(this scene and another
one).

hillwalker3000

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Re: Anyone want to help with this script?
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2017, 06:40:13 PM »
Good luck with that. I'd imagine anyone on here looking to write a script won't be in a rush to collaborate with you if that"s your only contribution.

H3K

Offline Hunter

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Re: Anyone want to help with this script?
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2017, 06:55:22 PM »
Ya' never know!

Lin

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Re: Anyone want to help with this script?
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2017, 08:06:27 AM »
Oh we do know, Hunter, and I think if you want an opinion, then I suggest you don't rely on others to do your work for you.  This is not the way that writers work.

If I had been you, I would have started by saying.  'I have an idea for a script and would be looking for someone to co-write it.  I am not very confident to do it alone and would value someone with more experience to help me take my idea one step further.' (maybe you are looking for a ghost writer? ) You can expect to pay someone for those services and it's not cheap! Professional writers earn money, nothing comes for free.

What you have written here is the introduction to a script and nothing else.  Have you done your research that the genre is one that may take off  If so, how do you know that? Your work has to be unique and not just a run of the mill sci-fi. I have to say, and I'm going to be harsh here, that what I have seen so far, does not fill me with any enthusiasm whatsoever. I only say that for your own good. You will have to take it on the nose I'm afraid.   

What I suggest you do is start writing this as a book and not a script. If you really are not confident to do this alone, do what we all have done, read more on the subject and try writing it yourself.  I am sure you can do it.  There is a lot to be learned and the old adage is true, 'if you want a job doing well, do it yourself.'

Very often, we have an idea, it sounds absolutely fantastic, but this is in your head and not necessarily shared by others. I find many new writers have a kind of 'selfish attitude' I have an idea, its great, I am very enthusiastic about it, I am sure everyone will enjoy it, I love it, it's my baby.    When you write a novel or a script, you have to do your research first. Your 'baby' is not necessarily someone's else's' 'baby'.  I hope you understand.

Putting all this aside, I do wish you all the best in your writing, but I feel you can now perhaps see that an idea written in this way, is not an idea and we cannot comment because you asked for reviews on a script, but here there is no script. I hope my comments are helpful to you and not taken as sheer criticism.  We authors often find that it takes a shake up to see the light.   I do sincerely wish you all the luck in the world. 

Lin  ;)