Author Topic: submerged  (Read 1080 times)

Offline Gyppo

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Re: submerged
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2017, 05:24:01 AM »
hi i don't want any crits on grammer or anything just want to know what people think so far?

This makes as much sense as a decorator asking you for an opinion of his work before he's even wetted the paintbrush.  This suggests to me that you are aware of the shortcomings but can't be bothered to fix them.

There is a widely quoted line that 'First drafts are always shit', but this applies to the story and the plot, not the basic presentation.  This is a writers' circle and we find it as painful to ignore errors as a barefoot runner would find it to ignore thorns and broken glass.

What do I think?  I think there's a girl drowning in a car underwater but she gets rescued.  You could equally well start with her spewing up the water.


“It’s going to be alright” I heard a reassuring voice say that when my vision cleared up, I realized belonged to a paramedic that was kneeling beside me that had no doubt saved my life.


The paramedic is a who, not a that.  Unless it was a robotic paramedic, which i doubt.

The others have given you some good advice, which I won't repeat.

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1