Author Topic: You Never Live Once  (Read 1287 times)

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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You Never Live Once
« on: December 16, 2016, 09:36:40 AM »


It began like another dull Monday as I jostled my way through the door
and pushed through the bustling lobby for the lifts to the 17th floor.
I was just a small cog in the corporate world, my days undisturbed and monotonous,
and I often suspected the powers-that-be on the 25th floor had forgotten us.
Cooped up for hours like a battery hen - a prospect to make the heart sink
a pen-pushing, clock-watching, downtrodden drone at United Conglomerates Inc.
   
Then I spotted a friendly acquaintance – a toothless old fellow named Wong
- the normally cheerful maintenance man but his face told me something was wrong.
He frantically beckoned me over - but what was he wanting with me?
Expecting some long-winded floor scrubbing tale I sighed and went over to see.
 
But Wong was in no mood for talking for he ushered me in from the hall
then closing the door of the janitor’s room, he tugged at a hook on the wall.
Imagine my shock and amazement as light flooded into the gloom
for the wall of the storeroom slid upwards - revealing a vast secret room!

Speechless I gazed at the vista - this complex appeared to be vast,
the corridors must have run deep underground for a small monorail trundled past.
Uniformed agents were gathered in groups to be lectured by scholarly chaps,   
others were huddled in whispered debate as they pored over photos and maps.
White coated boffins and earnest technicians at flickering data banks peered,
guards roamed the high metal gantry above – then a small tweedy figure appeared,
‘Forgive the deceit Mr Palmer, believe me this shouldn’t take long.
I am Edgar Tremaine, Chief Controller. I’ll take it from here Mr Wong.’


I followed him through to his office, which was deep in this secret domain.
He poured out a whisky and perched on his desk, then slowly began to explain,
‘Your current employer is merely a front – disguising our covert affairs
we set up innocuous corporate sites to cover our underground lairs.
It is simply a cunning deception - to cover our presence down here,
a sham, a façade, a pretence, a charade.
' I told him got the idea.
This state of affairs did appear to me to be costly and overdramatic
but keeping those sceptical thoughts to myself seemed politer and more diplomatic.

‘The work that we do is of national importance, it’s vital we stay undetected.
And only the best are recruited by us so the state remains strong and protected.‘       
 
He still didn’t say what they actually did and I asked what he wanted with me
and what special merits they’d managed to spot from my very dull job in IT.

‘All in good time’ he responded and he pressed a small buzzer nearby.
‘But firstly a few introductions then we’ll get to the How, Where and Why’
A menacing figure now entered the room with a flinty-eyed murderous gaze
‘This is Vinnie Santino' he gravely explained, ‘and it’s vital you do as he says.’  
 
He’ll be your partner,’ he told me, ‘you two are a pair from this day.’ 
‘But I’m  not … I don’t ….. ,’ I began to explain. ‘I’m not even slightly that way.’
‘Not that sort of partner’ he patiently sighed ‘- a strictly professional team.
And he will ensure that you neatly fit in to our covert but well-oiled machine.
His methods are ruthless, his orders are strict but he carries them out with a smile.
We call him ‘The Butcher’ - a pertinent name which should give you some hint of his style.’ 



I was shown to the exercise section where agents were put through their paces,
Battling opponents with forceful resolve and purposeful looks on their faces,
they were training in lethal JuJitsu, their death dealing movements a blur,
their echoing cries filled the cavernous hall:  Huah! Ooof!, Huwaaha and Huuurrggh!

‘These men are our prime Special Agents – they undergo high level training.
They’re experts in subterfuge, combat and stealth, they are resolute, strong, uncomplaining.‘
   
The agents looked very impressive and I have to confess I was flattered 
if they thought I was made of the same sort of stuff and had all the talents that mattered.
Perhaps with a gun and a powerful car I might be a Bourne or a Bond!
I might get a sexy assistant as well – a beautiful butt-kicking blonde.

I do have a fondness for gadgets and I drive pretty fast in my Kia,
will they teach me to climb up a treacherous cliff and to dangle from heights without fear?
or battle a thug in a long running fight on the roof of a fast moving train,
then follow it up with a motorbike chase then a daring escape in a plane!
Will they fly me to somewhere exotic to be met by a lady named Olga
who, after seduction, will gladly reveal all the nuclear sites on the Volga?

I was led to a room with a shabby old desk upon which some documents lay.
Form filling, dull but routine, I supposed, before we could get underway.
'Needless to say this is very hush hush, so keep it all under your hat
or Vinnie has certain instructions.… but we don’t need to talk about that. '

I gazed in dismay at the windowless walls which were painted in battleship grey,
at Vinnie who zealously guarded the door and the huge stack of forms in the tray.

‘Now these are the bills and the chittys’ he said ‘for all of our agents’ supplies.
You wouldn’t believe all the paperwork needed when running a place of this size.’

‘Here is your stapler, your stamper and pen and your desk has its very own bin,
Start with these orders for cleaning supplies, I’m sure you’ll soon settle in.




Sweepings from the Factory Floor - New volume of poems available now at –
https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Offline heidi52

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Re: You Never Live Once
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2016, 09:53:11 AM »
Oh Dylan, Thanks for sharing!

Your pieces always make me smile.

Offline Gyppo

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Re: You Never Live Once
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2016, 10:19:22 AM »
So, you're the man responsible for me receiving a truckload of staplers at the rear entrance to the safehouse instead of the dozen 16H super lethal hardpoint pencils I ordered .

You desk jockeys have no idea how difficult it is to stab someone with a stapler ;-)
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: You Never Live Once
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2016, 10:48:36 AM »
Gyppo,
That was the secret consignment of poison-tipped super staples for..y’know…. taking out all the EU leaders in one fell swoop. Didn’t you get the memo? Jeez.


(Ref: 545S/544.MI7 – Operation Extreme Brexit)

Sweepings from the Factory Floor - New volume of poems available now at –
https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Offline Gyppo

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Re: You Never Live Once
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2016, 03:47:55 PM »
Oh shite, I flogged them on to a dodgy market trader.  That'll put a crimp in Christmas day for a lot of folks and cut down on the present lists next year.   See, there's a bright side to every mishap.

  
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1