Please excuse the completely terrible formatting. These are two scenes that would not be consecutive to each other in sequence but here it is...
Also, if you would like any comments on any work you have done I would be happy to do so. But in full disclosure, I consider myself more of a "beginner"/not as developed a writer as I'd liked to be just yet therefore my comments may be not as educationally critical as you'd like but could reflect the appeal of your script on more "average viewers" (readers)
1= Main
2= CPS Rep
1: So how does this whole custody thing work
2: [explanation]
1: Okay but how do i get out of it
2: Of what?
1: The whole thing. All the custody. I mean who can I give him to?
2: Well, first off, I want you to understand we are talking about a little boy, not a hand-me-down that gets tossed around.
1: I know that-
2: And second, it’s not that simple. His original guardian was his grandmother but now that she has informed us of her recent diagnosis, we think it would be improper to-
1: Hold on, diagnosis? What, what diagnosis?
2: I thought you were aware.
1: Well, obviously I’m not.
1: She has Alzheimer's. It’s early onset, but there’s no point in giving Max a temporary home.
2: Shit.
1: I’m sorry.
2: You think maybe she’ll forget her son was shot in the desert? (laughs at the disturbance of this thought).
1: (shocked by the inappropriate sense of humor)
2: You know what’s funny. I’m a soldier. And I got custody of her without a mental evaluation, a PTSD test, and whatever the fuck other tests you need to get a kid. Is that really the wisest decision the CPS has made?
1: We would allow him to reside in your home while we monitored and gathered sufficient evidence of your competency. Or lack thereof if that’s your concern.
2: Is there anyone else he can stay with for now?
1: Well if you cannot provide residence he will stay in Child Protective Services custody for now, probably have to stay at a foster-
2: No, no, no, no. He’ll stay with me. I just would like to talk about a solution in the long run.
1: Let’s take it one step at a time. For now, you have a boy who just lost his father.
2: Can we stay at his house? If I’m there?
1: I don’t see why not. It may be easier to come back to familiar territory. OR maybe it will be easier to move to an entire home completely
2: It’s already an entirely different home.
1: Main
2: Boy
1: I’m microwaving. Right, you’re seven. This box right here (taps the microwave), it creates heat and that makes our food warm.
2: Actually I’m eight and that’s not how microwaves work. (explains microwave science shit)
1: Huh? Right, well that’s what I meant.
2: I don’t think you know what you’re doing.
1: Listen kid, we’re gonna add two more rules to the list. Ready?
(boy takes out a notebook and pencil)
One, I absolutely know what I am doing. And two, you cannot tell me I don’t know what I’m doing.
2: What if you don’t know what you’re doing?
1: Well, that’s never gonna happen, okay? Actually add this one: three, you cannot leave the table until you have finished all your breakfast.
(takes a little pride in her instilling a typical parent’s law)
2: But I’m not hungry.
1: No, you're depressed. There’s a difference.
(screams “shit” in her head. Speaking before thinking to a child is not the best thing a guardian can do, temporary or not.)
(there’s a long pause where she watches the boy’s face cautiously, nervously, waiting for the last leg before he has a complete mental collapse all because of her)
2: I am sad. My daddy just died. But I’m not depressed.
1: Really? How do you know?
2: Because I don’t drink.
1: Drink what?
2: Alcohol.
1: You’re eight.
(pause)
1: Happy people drink alcohol too you know. Maybe that’s why they’re happy.
2: People who drink as much as you are depressed. Wikipedia says so.
1: Excuse me? When have you ever seen me drink?
2: When my daddy yelled at you for being too drunk to feel anything.
1: You heard that?
2: Yes.
1: Rule four, no eavesdropping. Does your eight year old self know what that means.
2: Yes. No listening when you weren’t invited.
1: Great.
(pause. 1 puts a few dishes away)
2: What does screwing mean?
1: Jesus, absolutely never say that. Or, I’ll- I will, wash your mouth with soap. Or ground you. Actually both, Okay?
2: okay. But what does it mean?
2: You’ll find out in a few years. Actually, make it like a decade. I think that’s better.
1: Huh?
2: Finish your food. We gotta go.
