Author Topic: Todd and God  (Read 1915 times)

Offline Tom 10

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Todd and God
« on: June 18, 2016, 01:31:31 PM »


   Todd and God


In Todd’s garage she is told to hold
the ends of the rods as he cuts and bends,
welds and folds them to portable hoop cages
he envisions they will carry through the surf
when sharp sun spreads across morning,
when salt spray waters their advance -
when sharks will swim helpless before them. 
He presumes her obedience, and their
tandem shark-walk.  God gave her to him.   
Todd believes he knows this and more. 




Offline kateD

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2016, 06:32:35 PM »
Magnificent! I almost want to sing it. (You don't want me to do that.)
Last three lines are spectacular. Subtle and say so much. No nits whatsoever.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2016, 09:50:10 PM »
Thanks Kate.  I'm coming toward the end of my NaPo draft revisions. ;)

Offline drab

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2016, 10:01:39 PM »
Tom,
I thought a shark walk was something else?
Also, they don't promise to 'obey' anymore :)
Regards
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2016, 11:47:31 AM »
Hi drab - this shark-walk is imagined for the poem's purposes.  What did you have in mind?

And for good or ill, no they don't. 8)


Offline drab

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2016, 10:02:29 PM »
Hey T,
I suppose sharks are everywhere.
I usually get your poems wrong...but I'll give my take on it anyway.
I see a 'traditional' man, head of the house, protecting his possession/s.
He has convictions, is convinced his role in life is to educate etc.
Although he's possibly misguided and headstrong, there is almost a gentleness.
I know she is 'told', and you use words like 'cuts', but it softens to 'welds' and 'folds'
I'm sure it can be read in different ways, but the more I do the more I like it.
Regards
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline REW

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2016, 11:06:17 PM »


   Todd and God


In Todd’s garage she is told to hold
the ends of the rods as he cuts and bends,
welds and folds them to portable hoop cages
he envisions they will carry through the surf
when sharp sun spreads across morning,
when salt spray waters their advance -
when sharks will swim helpless before them. 
He presumes her obedience, and their
tandem shark-walk.  God gave her to him.   
Todd believes he knows this and more. 





I have seen this before and I commented that I do not like Todd!  The theme is not new, but the content to convey it is different so that is gives the subject freshness.

Todd definitely is a nut.  I feel suspense that "she" may do something unexpected with one of those rods and poor Todd may never make it to his shark walk that will make his penis rise and make him feel like God with a hard-on.

Actually the subject is pretty dark, so I like the dark humor to it added by your rhyming.
REW

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2016, 04:14:40 AM »
...and make him feel like God with a hard-on.

What an image, Casey!
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Jay Gandhi

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2016, 07:54:00 AM »


   Todd and God


In Todd’s garage she is told to hold
the ends of the rods as he cuts and bends,
welds and folds them to portable hoop cages
he envisions they will carry through the surf
when sharp sun spreads across morning,
when salt spray waters their advance -
when sharks will swim helpless before them. 
He presumes her obedience, and their
tandem shark-walk.  God gave her to him.   
Todd believes he knows this and more. 

The best thing I liked about this poem is its sound.
Your poem is so tightly packed! Do they ever breathe??
The certainly make the reader skip a beat :)

Offline duck

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2016, 11:09:11 AM »
Hi Tom
Actually I thnik it is interesting how Todd is communicating with everyone/thing but 'her'. In the title it is Todd and God - how effecting the word and can be if well placed.
In line 1 she's told - that is the obverse here of communication with a person; she becomes a subject as if he had a kingly status or as we discover later, chattel status.
His view of the shark is no better.
Then three key words leap off the page: envisions, presumes and believes. He envisions the sharks bending to his will. Indeed the  ambivalence of the word will also stands out - they will carry through the surf and will swim helpless. He presumes she obeys and believes he knows but both these words placed as they are highlight the potential flaw in his thinking. Her motives are hidden to us and to him. Her liberty therefore too. Just as the liberty of the sharks.

Beautifully the poem ends with and more. This poem is just a fragment of belief that Todd has.

As a expression of the nature of belief and religion in particular the poem is excellent. It highlights that belief and doubt exist with and for each other. Also, belief dictates its own terms, like believing in the unlucky 13 and finding proof its true everytime something bad happens in connection with 13. The poem does this though without critique, quite a feat.
Dave

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #10 on: June 29, 2016, 06:33:55 PM »
REW - yes - another NaPo draft.  You have Todd pegged exactly.  He is a man of certainty, in league with God's plan as he, in his own view, completely understands it.  The world is a 'bad' place but he knows how to navigate.  He conclusions are non-negotiable.  His relationships are pure poison, at least for the other person.   Thanks for your close read and great feedback. :)

drab - you have the heart of this - Todd's not a learner - he knows it all.  Much is traditional male-superiority, female subservience BS.  Its all sugar-coated with the overlay of his religious certainty.   Todd is measured, but if he is crossed, don't count on gentleness.   Always like your ability to see inside the poem and the characters.

Duck - I love your comments and reading of the poem.  You have found everything than I put in this.   Your assessment of it is flattering. Thank you.

Jay - thanks for your kind comments as well.

Thanks all.

T
    

Offline Royal Kumari

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2016, 02:29:27 PM »
I know too many men like Todd as I live in a rural Texas town :D

I think to say, "Todd believes this...." is redundant since you have already introduced the element of faith. I would 86 it as follows:

He presumes her obedience, and their
tandem shark-walk.  God gave her to him.   
Todd knows this and more. 


the 'salt spray' made me feel nostalgic for the Gulf Coast of Florida.

Certainly an entertaining characterization.

Offline CorneliusPoe

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2016, 06:39:33 PM »
I love the movement of the poem. You could write (I wish you would) a textbook on control. I have little else to add other than a thank you to Dave. I wish I was half as perceptive and even a fraction as articulate at expressing what I do perceive.
"Poetry is not speech raised to the level of music, but music brought down to the level of speech." - Paul Valery

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Todd and God
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2016, 10:39:51 AM »
Royal Kumari - I think you have the exact Todd in mind.  I met several while in Texas. 
But, sadly, they are everywhere, and often appearing on the surface as reasonable and normal people.

CP - Thanks for your kind words.

T