Author Topic: Review  (Read 2198 times)

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Review
« on: June 08, 2016, 04:23:21 AM »


Your poem is incredibly clunky,
the style is too bloated and chunky,
the meter just stinks
and is written methinks
by Bobo the typewriting monkey.


What would you do
if this happened to you?
if some plain speaking commenter
wrote a review.

Would garments be rent?
Would you loudly lament:
Oh no! someone thinks
my masterpiece stinks.


Would you climb to the rooftop tormented with woe 
then leap to your doom seven storeys below.

Or take to your bed with the chocolates and gin
with not even Trixie the maid allowed in.

Or fall in a swoon with your hand to your brow
convinced the whole world is against you somehow.

Languish and mope? suffer and  sigh?
refuse every offer of  help and then die?

Or wave it away with a haughty dismissal - 
The talentless mountebank - he can go whistle.

You might grab a cricket bat, go round his gaff,
batter his face in and have the last laugh

or serve up revenge with a humourless smile
in a shocking and blood-splattered Westeros style .



Low and subdued
you might dwell and brood.

Someone didn’t like my work
what does he know stupid jerk.
The sassafrassin’ rassin’ git,
it doesn’t stink, what’s wrong with it?
How could someone fail to see
the greatness of my poetree?
- the sentiments so keenly felt,
succinctly penned, correctly spelt,
the towering verbosity,
the staggering precocity.
This knuckle dragging mumpish gent
can’t recognise accomplishment!


Protective of your baby, will you read it through and then
wonder if he had a point and look at it again?


Sweepings from the Factory Floor - New volume of poems available now at –
https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Artemis Quark

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Re: Review
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2016, 07:21:54 PM »
Thanks for posting this gem, Dylan. After a tough day for me, your poem made it end with a smile. I normally do not read the poetry threads so please forgive my naivety. It felt like Dr. Seuss' Cat in the Hat. Loved it.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Review
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2016, 10:15:56 PM »
I don't comment here, but I often read your poems  - how vastly entertaining they are, and this one is no exception. 
But this reader was hoping that Trixie the maid would have been allowed in.   :)

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: Review
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2016, 06:10:42 AM »
I had wondered about whether to even mention Trixie the maid in this poem. Like most poets I keep a maid to maximise my writing time and to occasionally help lubricate the creative processes. (Alternatively some readers may have a ‘Natasha the personal bodyguard’ or a ‘Raoul the Brazilian manservant’ or a ‘Mrs Nesbit the….lady in yellow rubber gloves). I hope this doesn’t alienate the less fortunate amongst us who may find themselves unable to identify with the sentiments expressed and the lifestyle depicted.


Anyway…
Sweepings from the Factory Floor - New volume of poems available now at –
https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Offline DGSquared

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Re: Review
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2016, 01:25:24 PM »
I think this is brilliant! What do I know?

Well, since you asked, I actually know very little about poetry but I love this.

Great read. Lively, energetic, honest, funny.

Thank you for sharing. Is it going into or is it already in a book? It is appealing on many levels but as I said . . .  ;D

Love it.

~Deb



"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb

Offline DGSquared

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Re: Review
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2019, 12:07:24 AM »
The subject matter in these poems are relevant, today and every day.




Read and be humbled.




I miss you Sir Dylan.


~Deb
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb