Author Topic: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words  (Read 2039 times)

Offline Vogel

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2016, 05:00:03 PM »
But only a handful of them, get your heart stop will make your heart stop, almost as if it never existed.

We call them crush. We call it a crush, maybe?

I might rewrite this as: "We call it a crush for a reason."

So I have:

But only a handful of them will crush your heart, almost as if it never existed.

Well call it a crush for a reason.

Does that make more sense?

Offline Vogel

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2016, 05:08:53 PM »
Oh what the hell. I'll do an in-line critique for you. It seems to be what you want.

Hope this helps.

This is not the first time, not the third time, not even the ninth time, not even the, - fuck, I lost the count.
You see them at the grocery store, at the McDonald's queue, at your office, near the bus stop, in the bus, at the airport, and many more places, the list is huge.

Let me say it again, in bold, HUGGGGGEEEEEEEE

In short, you see them everywhere. I'm talking about babes.

Do you guys like hot babes?

I can see you all all of you nodding your heads.

Fuck yeah! Me too!


I know I've this amazing superpower of being invisible to babes, and babes look straight through me. But Sometimes I get lucky when my another superpower of absorbing bad luck is down. Let's be completely honest, we all get rainbow butterflies in our?stomach

You don't know her, you'll probably never know her but you know one thing for sure, she is all you need to call your life a life.
You can't do shit in front of her. When I say shit, I mean nothing, NADDA, NULL, ZERO. None of those three words mean exactly what you're trying to say. Zero doesn't work, null doesn't. Nadda, maybe. You could try: Not a damn thing, nope, no way, not happening.


Eating, drinking, sleeping, talking, and shagging, they all seem like a lost cause. Like your body don't need them no more. When she is in front, the food tastes like filth, jokes become funnier, your confidence drops to negative. This absolutely makes no sense. If a man is in love, food is going to taste better, everything's going to be better. Do you mean after she's crushed your heart/dumped you?
And the water tastes like, well, the water still taste like water. But all your body parts, feel like, she is the all that is missing.
But sometimes, and only sometimes, you found yourself lucky.

You find a mutual crush.

That moment when you look into her eyes, she looks back. You look at her again. She looks at you again. You look at her once more, she looks back once more, but not quite long enough. You do it once more. She, too, does it again.
Suddenly, you realize it's been a whole fucking month by now. This to me is all meaningless. They look at each other, over and over again and time passes by fast. See my point? It doesn't make the least bit of sense.

When you're not around her, you think about ways to talk to her. How should I approach her, should I say her this, or should I not say her this that, what will she think, should I use a pickup line, should I approach her friend, or wait for the perfect time.
 or you could have been the guy you who discovered the gravitational waves.


And again if you're like me, you would probably say;
Let's do it tomorrow, When the sun will be little brighter, people will be more happy, and there are is "is" is present tense. "was" is pastnews about alien's non-existence.
That tomorrow never comes.


Alright, that's all the time I have. I did not correct grammar, only errors which seemed to be due to English not being your first language. Good luck and thanks for posting.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2016, 05:12:03 PM by Vogel »