Author Topic: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words  (Read 2037 times)

Offline nitte93

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Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« on: May 01, 2016, 08:31:49 AM »
It's been a while since I wrote this article and wanted to hear your valuable inputs on the content and any other form of improvements, be it semantics, title, typos, grammar or anything.

Please let me know about my writing skills. And suggests some improvement.
Thanks in advance.

--------------------------------------------------------Begin--------------------------------------------------------

This is not the first time, not the third time, not even the ninth time, not even the, - fuck, I lost the count.
You see them at the grocery store, at the McDonald's queue, at your office, near the bus stop, in the bus, at the airport, and many more places, the list is huge.

Let me say it again, in bold, HUGGGGGEEEEEEEE

In short, you see them everywhere. I'm talking about babes.

Do you guys like hot babes?

I can see you all nodding your heads.

Fuck yeah! Me too!

But only a handful of them, get your heart stop, almost as if it never existed.

We call them crush.

And when this happens, you know you're fucked.
I know I've this amazing superpower of being invisible to babes, and babes look straight through me. But Sometimes I get lucky when my another superpower of absorbing bad luck is down. Let's be completely honest, we all get rainbow stomach when a cute babe(what an oxymoron) stares at us. Maybe she is really interested in you, maybe she is not. But you're fucked anyway.

You don't know her, you'll probably never know her but you know one thing for sure, she is all you need to call your life a life.
You can't do shit in front of her. When I say shit, I mean nothing, NADDA, NULL, ZERO.


Eating, drinking, sleeping, talking, and shagging, they all seem like a lost cause. Like your body don't need them no more. When she is in front, the food tastes like filth, jokes become funnier, your confidence drops to negative.
And the water tastes like, well, the water still taste like water. But all your body parts, feel like, she is the all that is missing.
But sometimes, and only sometimes, you found yourself lucky.

You find mutual crush.
That moment when you look into her eyes, she looks back. You look her again. She looks you again. You look at her once more, she looks back once more, but not quite long enough. You do it once more. She, too, does it again.
Suddenly, you realize it's been a whole fucking month by now.

It's amazing, how in a place full of people, you both manage to find each other and speak the most romantic thing with your eyes.
If this happens, that means you found yourself a mutual crush.
But, if you're a dumb-head like me, you are still not sure, you would think, she still hasn’t given me “a clear signal”. Just to make it sure, you'll fuck up all your chances with her.
Every time you see her, you get the butterflies in your stomach and you sit there paralyzed, looking at her, listening but only half listening, talking but only half paying attention. It’s hard. We all go through it.

When you're not around her, you think about ways to talk to her. How should I approach her, should I say her this, or should I not say her this, what will she think, should I use a pickup line, should I approach her friend, or wait for the perfect time.

While, all that we are required to do is, shut up and say hi.
I know, it's easier said than done.
This perfect time is never gonna come. You'll feel like, if you have had invested so much time researching something important, by now you could have found the cure to cancer, or you could have been the guy you discovered the gravitational waves.

If you're like me, you would probably do like;
Fuck all this, Let's do it. I'll just go and talk to her and just try and be myself.

And again if you're like me, you would probably say;
Let's do it tomorrow, When the sun will be little brighter, people will be more happy, and there are news about alien's non-existence.
That tomorrow never comes.


Sometimes you get so much lost in her, and nothing is moving forward, You fell like, fuck that, does she even deserve all this, my time, and what if she is dumb?
Your mind, body, soul, even the poop that you excreted the other day, they all volunteer for her, If she is dumb, then, you're dumber. You say "Hell to the fucking yes." let's do it.
You again get back to the same spiral of thoughts about you talking to her and she falling for you.

By someway if that tomorrow comes, when it's the time you finally talk to her.

Well these are all the shits that happen.

  You will not find her alone. Even if she is alone, you'll lie to yourself, reasons like, she is with her bag, or her laptop.

  That whole day who'll feel disabled and shut down.

  And finally when you approach her, no matter how much a smart ass or a positive guy you are, you would leave no stone un-turned to fuck shit up. Your pickup line, which you thought would make you a smart ass, you won't realize it, but it makes you sound like, "Dude? what the fuck is wrong with you".

If you hear this, you know you fucked up, you shat all over the place. The only place that you can now hide you face is up your ass.
And even if she really liked you earlier, now you've given her all the doubts: She'll probably think, did I really like this guy? He's a total fuck head.

We have been to mars and come back, but talking to our crush who is standing right next to you in the coffee room, still scare the shit out of us.
The fucking problem is, no matter how hard you try, you just can't be yourself in front of her. Not unless, you're not one of those friend-zoned guys. They probably suck a bag of dick at everything else. But they make talking to her look so fucking easy, you feel for yourself, like not in a good way, but a real bad bad way.

And you end up being, 'I never talked to you but I love you guy'. That is not a good thing. in fact, it's fucking creepy.
 I'm not a follower of violence, I believe in karma, sometimes I desperately wish If an alien landed here, and demanded my last wish before they cut me in half, my only ask would be to drive myself to my crush and tell her these three words. "You are beautiful."

 I feel like I'm missing on so many good things, but I'll keep it for some other day.

Note: For people who didn't get anything out of this post, I've some important learning for you; CHEESE & PEPPERONI PIZZA TASTES EVEN BETTER WITH EXTRA CHEESE BURST.
GO TRY IT NOW.

---------------------------------------------End-----------------------------------------------------
« Last Edit: May 01, 2016, 09:33:07 AM by JewelAS53 »

hillwalker3000

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2016, 08:55:39 AM »
Wow – where to begin?

The ---Begin--- and ---End--- business looks crass. What's that all about?
Also, capitalising words unnecessarily is a sure sign that you're an amateur, as is littering the piece with the f-bomb. Seriously, none of this works in your favour since most of the people who would find this kind of juvenile stuff amusing either can't read or don't read.

I tried my best to plough through this but gave up very quickly. I'll not even bother pointing out the lapses of grammar because it's presumably meant to be a fun read. But all I see is tedious repetition that manages to say next to nothing in +1,000 words.
You find it unsettling to be in the company of attractive young women. So what?
Why anyone would spend time and effort writing material like this is baffling.
But that's just my opinion – use or lose.

You might check on the meaning of the word oxymoron since 'cute babe' is most definitely not an oxymoron unless you're a misogynist. I'm guessing that's not the case here.
'American Intelligence' is one example – where two words when combined appear to contradict each other.

H3K

Offline heidi52

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2016, 09:09:03 AM »
I'm afraid that like H3K, I gave up reading.

Are you 13?

Offline To a T

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2016, 09:26:15 AM »
Hi nitte93

I am going to assume a few things as your reader,
but then you too need to assume a few things as the writer.

As reader - Your grammar and choice of words leads me to think that English is not your first language.
If that is correct, WOW - I'm sure you put a great deal of effort into this piece.   :)

As the writer you need to assume who your reader is...
You say this is an article -
newspaper?  I don't think it is formal enough
school magazine? - I imagine they have rules for etiquette and I think you crossed the line with
'babes' - this can be considered derogatory and offensive
'fuck' & 'shit' was used a little too excessively tho I understand you are trying out a new language,
a new voice, perhaps trying to mimic a sound found in songs/tv..


Recently, I've take several MOOC courses, online college classes available to the world-around.
Unfortunately most classes are language limited to English and so many of my fellow classmates
did not share the advantage I have of English being my mother-tongue.  It was a great experience to
see people not dismayed but brave in their attempts to communicate in English as a Second Language.

I recommend you begin with a more formal study of the language and an earnest desire to
speak to a wide audience.  Your English skills in writing will advance quickly when you
first consider your reader.



 
Life isn't always pretty,
but colour won't hurt you

http://tttwritings.blogspot.jp/p/day-one-wild-as-you-are-all-that-love.html

Offline nitte93

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2016, 11:48:27 AM »
Hi To a T,

Thanks for the reply. You're right, english is not my first language.
My audience are of the age 18-25.
I surely want to improve my english writing skills, I wanted to know about the formal study of the language, could you please guide me to some resources available online. Also, which part of word/grammar/content made you think that english is not my first language. Many people say that, but  It would be really  if you can point out some, I think that's the area where I should start improving from.
Thanks in advance.

hillwalker3000

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2016, 12:14:09 PM »
There are several on-line resources that cover the fundamentals of English grammar such as this one:

http://www.edufind.com/english-grammar/english-grammar-guide/

But it's not enough to master 'the formal study of the language'. If you wish to become a writer you have to be able to tell a story or at least capture the reader's interest.

My advice, read as many books (i.e. novels) as you can get your hands on in the genre you wish to write for. It will help you improve your writing skills and also show you what is most popular. On the basis of what you have posted here you are out of touch with contemporary YA literature. YA fiction has a huge following but I don't see any young adult having the patience or desire to read your article. I'm afraid most would find it an insult to their intelligence.
On the evidence here it looks as if you spend more time watching dumb American 'teen' movies than reading books.

How can we tell English is not your first language?

Quote
My audience are of the age 18-25.
is ungrammatical.

Good luck.

H3K
« Last Edit: May 02, 2016, 12:16:07 PM by hillwalker3000 »

Offline nitte93

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2016, 02:14:46 PM »
Hi hillwalker3000,

Thanks for the response, I highly appreciate that.
It been not more than three days, since I joined this site, and I've started loving this place, with each post I've learnt something new. I want to thank you all for that. I want to improve my writing, and I think I'm at the right place.
I've started reading books, and posts. In coming days, I'm sure you will see the change in my writing.
I don't think of writing any book, but I want to start blogging.
I try copying bloggers online, their writing style, and one of them is markmanson.net.
He seem to be using a lot a profanity in his posts, would you suggest reading that, or would you suggest something else.
If you've a blog please guide me there. I would love to hear you suggestion on this, please respond.
Thanks once again

Offline nitte93

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2016, 02:16:01 PM »
Hi hillwalker3000,

Thanks for the response, I highly appreciate that.
It has been not more than three days, since I joined this site, and I've started loving this place, with each post I've learnt something new. I want to thank you all for that. I want to improve my writing, and I think I'm at the right place.
I've started reading books, and posts. In coming days, I'm sure you will see the change in my writing.
I don't think of writing any book, but I want to start blogging.
I try copying bloggers online, their writing style, and one of them is markmanson.net.
He seem to be using a lot a profanity in his posts, would you suggest reading that, or would you suggest something else.
If you've a blog please guide me there. I would love to hear you suggestion on this, please respond.
Thanks once again

Offline Clarius

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2016, 03:06:03 PM »
Kudos. I got that English is not your first language on the first read through: the awkward phrases, and punctuation issues. Here's the problem I have with this. Are you aiming for some kind of Stern-esque shock jock vibe here? Take this for example.

Note: For people who didn't get anything out of this post, I've some important learning for you; CHEESE & PEPPERONI PIZZA TASTES EVEN BETTER WITH EXTRA CHEESE BURST.
GO TRY IT NOW.


I wasn't sure if that was aimed at your audience or your reviewers. Basically what that says is 'if you didn't get it it's because you're too stupid'.

Who's your target audience? I know who you say are your target audience but the type of 18-25 year old's who'd appreciate this are the type who likely wouldn't have the attention span to read a blog let alone a book. Thirteen year old boys who like South Part et al and can't talk to girls might like this but are they the type who are likely to subscribe to a blog. This misogynistic ranting is only going to alienate great swatches of the blogging public. The art in this type of writing is to reveal a truth about society by holding up a mirror to the audience. You could do worse than review some of Lenny Bruce's material.

O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us

 - Robert Burns

Offline nitte93

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2016, 04:13:10 PM »
Hi Clarius,

Thanks for the suggestion.

hillwalker3000

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2016, 05:44:10 PM »
I try copying bloggers online, their writing style, and one of them is markmanson.net.
He seem to be using a lot a profanity in his posts, would you suggest reading that, or would you suggest something else.

Why are you trying to copy this guy? He's in a different league - and to be honest, the level of profanity in his most recent blogs is nowhere near the level of your material.

You'll maybe learn how to write articles by reading various blogs written by professionals. But these people are not writing for 18-25 year olds. They're casting a much wider net - often aiming for the broadest possible audience. Your piece seems to be tailored towards a minority of brainless jocks who don't read, whether it's blogs or otherwise.

You can't pretend to be someone else. So maybe you need to find your OWN voice and style and write about something you have experienced rather than trying to cater for an audience you don't appear to understand particularly well.

H3K

Offline Vogel

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2016, 07:17:25 AM »
The reason why Mark gets away with it, particularly in the article I read, and thoroughly enjoyed, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck", is because he uses the profanity to make us laugh and it's all in context of what he's writing about. It's hilarious. And within all that profanity, there's an intelligent message.

Thanks for the tip. I don't ever read "self-help" stuff, but he's pretty damn entertaining.

I'm with H3K, stop trying to be him (when you write). It's not going to happen. Instead, work on your English, and your own technique and eventually, if you stick with it long enough, you may find your own voice and style.

Good luck and thanks for posting.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2016, 07:19:14 AM by Vogel »

Offline Plain Helvetica

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2016, 01:56:44 PM »
The grammar is off in places. It's all understandable but it is sometimes distracting.

You have written this with a strong voice. I appreciate going for that as opposed to something boring. There are times where it hits and is amusing and times where it doesn't so much.

I think that this could do with a bit more structure. As it is it jumps from types of guy and types of approach with varying levels of analysis. I felt a bit lost.

Writing this all about 'you' has potential problems. If the reader doesn't relate then you risk turning him off the whole article.


Offline nitte93

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2016, 04:15:42 PM »
Hi Guys, Thanks for your valuable response.
@Plain Helvetica, Could you guys please help me pointing out me grammar errors in the post, it would be really helpful.

Thanks.

Offline nitte93

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Re: Your Crush and the anxiety disorder - 1136 Words
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2016, 04:24:25 PM »
Hi Plain Helvetica, Thanks for your valuable response.
Could you guys please help me pointing out my grammar errors in the post, it would be really helpful.

Thanks.