Author Topic: At the funeral  (Read 2366 times)

Offline Catherine F

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At the funeral
« on: March 25, 2016, 06:07:31 PM »
At the funeral

She said 
I buried my brother today
She said
I had one big brother
I have none anymore
She said
I walk in your bedroom
To breath in your odour
Or what is left of it
And it's weaker and weaker
So I loose you again
And I go through your drawers
And I nose through your affairs
I know you wouldn't let me
But you're not here anymore
She said
You have destroyed me
And I hate you for it
I loved you so much
And she said
How could you do that
To the parents
And the grandparents
You destroyed our family
And I cannot look
At any picture of you anymore
Nor can I watch
The movies that we loved
Fifteen years
Of sharing
Bickering
And giggling
She said
You will never come
To my bedroom anymore
And spread on my bed
Like a dead starfish
You had a life ahead
Of you
And me
Too
You stole it from you
And me and the world
And you did it in such
A nasty ugly way
How could you tie the rope
To the rod
How could you
Push your neck
Through the loop
How could you die
At eighteen
And leave me
On my own
A sister
All alone



Offline Clarius

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2016, 08:24:40 AM »
I know nothing about poetry but this stanza (?) caught my eye.

And spread on my bed
Like a dead starfish


The alliteration (?) in the first line jarred me a little, as did - considering the context - the use of the word dead in the second. How about...

And sprawled cross my bed
like some indolent starfish.


Nit picked.
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us

 - Robert Burns

Offline Catherine F

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2016, 04:45:30 PM »
You're probably right about that. I admit it's not brilliant writing, but it helped with my pain on coming back from the funeral. It is hélas real life.

Offline Clarius

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2016, 05:50:39 PM »
Apologies. I assume posts are creative rather than cathartic.
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us

 - Robert Burns

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2016, 07:16:16 PM »
You're probably right about that. I admit it's not brilliant writing, but it helped with my pain on coming back from the funeral. It is hélas real life.

Perhaps not brilliant, but when I first read it, I felt it was personal.

It is difficult to critique something so personal, but if the writing it all out helps you deal with it - then it's doing it job.

I'm sorry for your loss and oft times writing does help. I've written about my last good-bye with my mother several times, but never felt what I had written conveyed what I wished. So they all rest in my file.

But as a personal feeling of loss I think you did well.
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Offline Amie

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #5 on: March 26, 2016, 08:45:23 PM »
I thought this was absolutely amazing, definitely qualified as "brilliant" for me. You have one typo ("loose" instead of "lose"), but otherwise, this reads like some of my favourite writers.

And I am sorry for your loss, and sorry that you've had such pain to write about.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2016, 08:46:56 PM by Amie »
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Artemis Quark

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2016, 10:00:02 AM »
Oh Catherine, I just read this on Easter morning. I have been off-forum except for the moderator shack since Tuesday, March 22 when my wife passed in her sleep. Her heart...it was not expected.

I am experiencing and learning firsthand what it is like to go through the grieving process when the loss is someone so close. Diane and I knew each other since we were teens. Married 48 years. I am empty.

Your poem is from the heart and spoke clearly about the loss. For me, the suicide at the end surprised and saddened me but the truth is not always delightful. Of course, my situation is not the same as yours, but the loss is great in both. Tragic applies to yours. Emptiness more aptly describes mine, at least at this point in time.

Take one day at a time and embrace the grief. That's what I have read is best and what I am trying to do.

AQ

Offline Vogel

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #7 on: March 27, 2016, 10:43:50 AM »
Sorry for your loss, AQ. I can't imagine what you're going through. When you've been with someone for so long, they are a part of you. It's like you lose half of your self.

This actually brought tears to my eyes, Catherine. I rarely read poetry, but I thought this was really well-written. The rhythm and word choice. I grew up with a single brother, who's not doing so well himself, so it had a personal effect on me as I read it.

Offline Simple Things

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2016, 11:22:09 AM »
Well expressed, Catherine.

Loss is something we all handle too much on our own. Expression helps the burden.

Artemis Quark

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #9 on: March 27, 2016, 11:34:16 AM »
Catherine, I happened upon an article in the Washington Post after reading your poem this morning. It describes the feelings of a young girl about her father's suicide by hanging. Not the same as your situation but I thought it might provide some perspective to factor into your own grieving process. Everyone is different but there are common elements that make us human.

AQ

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/02/09/my-dad-killed-himself-when-i-was-13-he-hid-his-depression-i-wont-hide-mine/?wpisrc=nl_az_most

Offline Catherine F

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #10 on: March 27, 2016, 01:53:09 PM »
Dear Michael I am so sorry about your wife, it really is a shock. Yes of course you feel empty, how wouldn't you after half a century of sharing all the good and bad things of marital life. I grieve with you, and I wish our support here at MWC could be more efficient than just conveyed by the internet. Do look after yourself.

Offline Catherine F

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #11 on: March 27, 2016, 01:54:47 PM »
Thank you to all those who read, for your time and your kind words.

Offline RamblingRose

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Re: At the funeral
« Reply #12 on: March 29, 2016, 01:10:40 PM »
Catherine, I've only just seen this. I am so sorry for your loss. And Artemis, yours too. I hope you are finding your way through it with support at home.