Define "something and nothing"

[Jo Bannister]

"You are stupid.  Isn't the answer obvious?  I wish I only had your problems to deal with.  I don't know how you'd cope with mine.  Will you just sort this out and stop pestering me?"

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION...

[Amie]

Anyone with an ounce of common sense, wit or intelligence can see that I'm right

CRAZY LIKE A FOX

[Mark H]

To be really annoyed having spent the last hour being chased round town by a pack of horny, slavering, munters, out on a hen-night.

ANYTHING FOR THE WEEK-END, SIR?

[Amie]

Prophylaxis for those with a more reckless, devil-may-care attitude. It's not something in particular, it could be anything: condoms, cling film, cheese roll, etc. Despite the examples, it doesn't even need to start with "c".

DEVIL MAY CARE

[Spell Chick]

The first circle of hell - not very hellish, but trying so hard to be.




MADDER THAN A WET HEN

[Mark H]

To be so mad that the Facebook postings of those under the age of 25, stop looking like utter gibberish, and begin to make some kind of sense.

A ROOM WITH A VIEW

[Jo Bannister]

Actually, this is a mis-spelling.  Spelt correctly - A room with a phhew! - it clearly describes the bedroom of a teenage boy after his mother has given up on the housework expeditions.  The particular kind of phhew will tell you whether you're dealing with unwashed rugby socks or uneaten pizza under the bed.

DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND

[Amie]

A saying in areas where sadly community has broken down to such an extent that women relieve their loneliness by talking to inanimate pieces of polished stone. Birth rates in such areas plummet (do to lack of physical contact with other humans) so it is a self-correcting delusional state to some extent.

GET DOWN TO BRASS TACKS

[Jo Bannister]

Another mis-spelling.  (Really, you people are getting terribly careless!)  Getting down to bras tacks are manoeuvres carried out on sailing vessels.  Tacking is of course the zig-zag course which allows a wind-driven vessel to travel against the wind; but it's hard to balance a sailing boat at the point of maximum drive just before the sails start to back and she stops dead in the water.  The manoeuvre requires the removal of all unnecessary drag factors - especially the outer clothing of younger female crew-members.  Go figure.

FESTIVAL

[Amie]

Translating "festival" into a phrase might yield something like "all the fun of the festival". Which I guess you might say instead of "all the fun of the fair", if you don't want to suggest that blondes have more fun.

SPIC AND SPAN

[Spell Chick]

This is a politically incorrect way to refer to bridges in Mexico.



FRANKLY, SCARLETT, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN

[Jo Bannister]

Frankie Scarletti is one of the Mafia's up-and-coming godfathers - but not one of its better graffiti artists.

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY

[Spell Chick]

Profound advice from Captain Obvious. Of course, yesterday is also another day as is Tuesday. But ...



LIFE GOES ON

[Jo Bannister]

Wicked lie told to those at the bottom of the food-chain.

CHEAP AT TWICE THE PRICE

[Spell Chick]

Advertising copy which hopes to persuade or lure people into buying crap they don't need and hopefully buy a spare because of the low price.


BAIT AND SWITCH