Author Topic: ~ Xhosa proverb  (Read 2275 times)

Offline Mark T

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~ Xhosa proverb
« on: February 21, 2016, 12:15:42 PM »



I have a maroon diary this year of 2016,
red to remind me not to forget, she said.
Iím not really too sure what that means,
but I do appreciate my fake leather planner.
Itís like time and fate plotted in ways thus far unread -
there, ahead, on that date, what will we have made?

Pages are unwritten and so are many days
and yet, the pen of intent will lead the way.
I am a scribe, a warrior of a writing tribe,
and words are my tools to describe feelings
and things, and to hang pictures in minds.

In lines and margins, the future is blank,
itís waiting to create an interesting take
from the organic ways that unseen events
play out and shake our makeshift horizons.
 
Each page is footnoted with a pithy aphorism Ė
I would say itís a pity about the other isms
and to have a shitty day if you want one.

I like the honesty of cursive ink. Binary clouds
could rain data in a crack of thunder and light.

And now, for tomorrow, I have a list to write.

 


Offline Tom 10

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2016, 12:58:00 PM »
Last three stanzas zing!
I like the irregular rhymes as they appear. 

Instant classic:  Each page is footnoted with a pithy aphorism Ė / I would say itís a pity about the other isms  / and to have a shitty day if you want one. /i]

T

Offline Mark T

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2016, 02:23:30 PM »

Thanks for look-in, T. Was time to get out of the turnip patch and turn in something bland. This about a diary as ordinary as it gets. Funny, i almost canned the last three stanzas, on grounds of extending the poem too far. But I thought your 'instant classic' might resonate here and there.  :)

Oh, the Xhosa proverb on the page is: "Chop your own firewood and it will warm you twice."   

Offline Tom 10

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2016, 02:26:25 PM »
Maybe it followed the warm up in better stead, but if part were to be cut, I'd start at the top. Of course the set-up and scene are needed, but in my humble opinion the poem follows all of that.

And thanks, my turnips appreciate the day off. ;D

T

Offline kateD

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2016, 03:13:58 PM »
This could be sung, it is so melodious. It is fun to read out loud, over and over....

Offline Mark T

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2016, 03:30:04 PM »

Thanks for listening, Kate.  :)

Offline 510bhan

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2016, 03:40:55 PM »
Dangerous things those diaries! :o Make sure your nib is sharp. ;)

Thoroughly enjoyed this, especially how you shrink the stanzas as it progresses. 6/5/4/3/2/1

Offline Mark T

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2016, 10:43:59 AM »

Thanks for comments, Sio. The line count step-down thing's sort of to indicate time reducing in a calendar type sense. Yep, gotta keep that nib sharp -  ;)   

Offline indar

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2016, 01:08:20 PM »
First of all Mark, thanks for the permission to have a shitty day---something that needs to be included in all those "chin-up" "cheery-cheery" messages standard to all manner of daily readings.

Great piece of writing. There are poems that consist of lists but I am thinking that something more on the order of a grocery or to-do list is more what you have in mind at the end of this one in wonderful contrast between the poetic and pragmatic.

enjoyed greatly

Offline LMSozo

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2016, 01:44:07 PM »
Really well done. I agree with what others have said, and would add that the last two lines of S1 are my favorite.

Offline Mark T

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2016, 04:00:42 PM »

Thanks for read and comment, LMSozo.

Linda, I am inordinately grateful for the presence of your comment. 

Offline matty11

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2016, 03:13:22 PM »
Quote
I have a maroon diary this year of 2016,
red to remind me not to forget, she said.
Iím not really too sure what that means,

I liked the almost dismissive opening

Quote
Each page is footnoted with a pithy aphorism Ė
I would say itís a pity about the other isms
and to have a shitty day if you want one.

I like the edginess in there, also the pity/shitty combo.

Quote
Oh, the Xhosa proverb on the page is: "Chop your own firewood and it will warm you twice."

may be a thought to get that into the poem?

best

matty


JewelAS53

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #12 on: February 25, 2016, 05:29:46 AM »
Enjoyed the read.

Agree with Matty - I totally missed where the Xhosa proverb fits - and I should possibly have had half an idea  ;)

Offline Mark T

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #13 on: February 25, 2016, 06:14:37 AM »

Matty and Jewel, thanks for look and comments - or perhaps rather, nciyabonga.  :D

« Last Edit: February 25, 2016, 06:19:11 AM by Mark T »

Offline duck

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Re: ~ Xhosa proverb
« Reply #14 on: February 26, 2016, 05:33:53 AM »
Mark
An excellent piece of writing that is complex and simple and easy to relate to but also utterly personal to you. love lines like these:
I like the honesty of cursive ink. Binary clouds
could rain data in a crack of thunder and light.
Dave