Author Topic: Hijinks - Some strong language and themes. Word Count - 687  (Read 1664 times)

Offline Cronus

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Hijinks - Some strong language and themes. Word Count - 687
« on: January 19, 2016, 07:44:13 PM »
First script I've posted on here, hope you enjoy  ;)

Hijinks.

INT – DIRTY ROOM - NIGHT

4 young men are sat in a dirty room with only a large rug on the floor.

         JAKE
Go on, do it, all you have to do is squeeze the ball and inject it.

         TYSON
   No way man, I told you, I ain’t doing that crap.

The other 2 men seem agreeable and won’t make a move.
Jake pauses.

                        JAKE
   Fine, I’ll fuckin do it first then.


Jake grabs a stress ball in the shape of a boob and begins to squeeze. All remains silent.

         JAKE
   Right, here we go.

He picks up a needle from a case (previously unseen by camera)
JAKE takes a large breath and slowly injects himself flinching.


         GEORGE
   So… how does it feel?

         JAKE
   Well I don’t know yet do … I

JAKE replies as his head tilts back and he releases a large sigh.

                        JAKE
   Ooooooh that’s good. Ooooh Gooood.


         GEORGE
   Damn gimmie some of that.

GEORGE and MIKE both reach for stress balls.
But TYSON is still reluctant.
After injecting the 3 are all laying back ecstatic.

         MIKE
Go on Ty, this hits better than your lack of a father figure.


         TYSON
Fuck you. You know what, fine, bunch of assholes how good can it be

TYSON injects and also lays back

              TYSON
      Damn.

-FADE OUT



-EXT – BUSY CLUBBING STREET – LATE NIGHT.
GEORGE, JAKE, MIKE, and TYSON are walking through the street all excited for clubbing.
They queue and all get in to the noisy club.

            JAKE (YELLING)
      Going for a piss, be right back!

The others all nod and head towards the bar gesturing to Jake.

-CUT TO – BATHROOM IN THE CLUB.

JAKE heads into a stall

-CUT TO – ARIEL OF JAKE.

JAKE goes for a pee and zips up, getting his zipper stuck and swearing a bit.

-CUT TO – CAMERA ON MIRROR LOOKING AT JAKE.

JAKE rinses his hands and reaches into his pocket, he pulls out a small bag with pills in it, he checks around and pops one in his mouth and washes it down with water shaking his head and leaning over the sink for a brief moment.

-CUT TO- BAR IN THE CLUB.

GEORGE, TYSON, and MIKE are at the bar with shots lined up ready.
JAKE walks over

            JAKE
      Hope you haven’t started without me

            MIKE
      You know it. Bottoms up!

They all down the shots.

-CUT TO- LATER IN THE EVENING AT THE BAR.

JAKE is dancing badly in the crowd with MIKE.

            GEORGE
         Haha, they’re so far gone already.

            TYSON
         Here here. Guess we better catch up.

TYSON downs another drink. Orders another drink and he then signals that he’s going to the loo and GEORGE nods. JAKE watches him go and heads over.

            JAKE   
         Wagwaaan bro.

            GEORGE
         Huh? The heck does that mean?

JAKE smiles and takes his shirt off wrapping it round his head like a rasta hat.

            JAKE
         Wagwaaaan.

            GEORGE
         What?

JAKE glances towards the toilet and pulls out another pill and drops it in TYSONS drink. GEORGE doesn’t look too happy but doesn’t say anything. JAKE then heads back to dance after patting GEORGE.
TYSON appears out of the toilet and starts his drink, he glances at it as if it tastes funny but ignores it.

            TYSON
         Wow, I need to dance man!

            GEORGE
         Do you? But you hate dancing?

            TYSON
         I know but… man I just need to dance tonight!

            GEORGE
         Guess I’ll join you there.

They head to the dance floor to join JAKE and MIKE.

-CUT TO – STREET – NIGHT.

The 4 stumble out of the club, MIKE being held up passed out by TYSON and GEORGE but barely.
They sing a bit of Spice Girls and drop MIKE, who rolls off the kerb.

            TYSON.
         Damnit Mike, get up.

            JAKE
         Eh, leave him we’ll find him tomorrow.

TYSON agrees and they walk off.

-CUT TO- MIKES FACE.

Camera zooms out and MIKE Is stood in a police station looking very hung over and angry.
Camera turns to face other way and GEORGE, JAKE, and TYSON are stood there in the door way looking goofy and laughing.

Thanks for reading :D




« Last Edit: January 19, 2016, 08:10:00 PM by Alice, a Country Gal »

Offline TheOtherAdrian

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Re: Hijinks - Some strong language and themes. Word Count - 687
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2016, 05:25:03 AM »
Hi Cronus,

this was an interesting read. Is it the beginning of a longer piece? Personally, I like a few lines of context when reading a script.

First off, unless you plan on directing the film yourself, don't include stage directions and transitions. The only transitions in a spec script should be FADE IN and FADE OUT at the beginning and end of each act (if there are acts) and FADE TO BLACK at the very end.

4 young men are sat in a dirty room with only a large rug on the floor.
I assume they're sitting on the floor? Maybe state that explicitly. And since they have names, introduce those names before the dialogue starts, like:
A dirty room with nothing but a large rug in it. JAKE, TYSON, MIKE and GEORGE (all mid-twenties) are sitting on the floor.
If they haven't appeared before, also give a rough age bracket for them.

He picks up a needle from a case (previously unseen by camera)...
I thought there was nothing but a rug in the room? Unless it's somehow an important plot point, I'd omit the part in parentheses since that's up to the director. It's not a very important reveal anyway – if the case is closed at first, it doesn't really matter when the viewer notices it since they can't tell what's in it until Jake pulls out the needle.

JAKE takes a large breath and slowly injects himself flinching.
Again, the director and actor will take care of that.

-EXT – BUSY CLUBBING STREET – LATE NIGHT.
It's not really an exterior shot if you immediately move the action inside the club.
By this point, I was a little bored because there doesn't seem to be a point to the story. I'd probably read a little further to see if anything happens besides some guys getting high, but not very far. Whatever the hook of your movie/show is, consider putting it in earlier.

I hope this helps. Good luck with your further writing!
-Adrian