Author Topic: Sentence critic game  (Read 4619 times)

Offline bandicootgirl

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Sentence critic game
« on: November 07, 2006, 11:45:00 AM »
okay, here are the rules:

1) post one sentence only

2) when someone posts a sentenc, give them your honest opinion

3) try not to harass or be too mean when you post your opinion

4) have fun!  :)

Offline bandicootgirl

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Re: Sentence critic game
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2006, 11:47:00 AM »
Okay, I have one sentence:

As I looked into the clear, shiny mirror on the bathroom wall, I could see another me like one side was another world of evil and depression.

Offline skellingtonguy

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Re: Sentence critic game
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2006, 11:56:14 AM »
Okay, I have one sentence:

As I looked into the clear, shiny mirror on the bathroom wall, I could see another me like one side was another world of evil and depression.

Very discriptive and I like how you describe how the other side of the mirror is another world of evil.
I give it a 9/10  ;D
look up Jack Skellington at www.wikipedia.org

Offline bandicootgirl

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Re: Sentence critic game
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2006, 12:11:57 PM »
Anyone else?

Offline Symphony

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Re: Sentence critic game
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2006, 05:26:38 PM »
Okay, I have one sentence:

As I looked into the clear, shiny mirror on the bathroom wall, I could see another me like one side was another world of evil and depression.

Like the idea and it works fine - but I'd use 'as if' instead of 'like'

J.W Oakley

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Re: Sentence critic game
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2006, 01:51:29 PM »
Hello People, Here's My Sentance!

As Mark beamed off into the distance; he acknowledged a cloud of smoke perched above a rooftop.

N.Mott

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Re: Sentence critic game
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2006, 04:15:31 PM »
As Mark beamed off into the distance; he acknowledged a cloud of smoke perched above a rooftop.


As Mark looked into the distance, he spotted a cloud of smoke rising from the rooftop.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2006, 06:40:13 AM by NaomiM »

Offline bandicootgirl

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Re: Sentence critic game
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2006, 09:27:06 AM »
As Mark beamed off into the distance; he acknowledged a cloud of smoke perched above a rooftop.


As Mark looked into the distance, he spotted a cloud of smoke rising from the rooftop.

I like the sentece BUT you should describe the color of the smoke  :)