Author Topic: Hijinks - Some strong language and themes. Word Count - 687  (Read 2149 times)

Offline Cronus

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Hijinks - Some strong language and themes. Word Count - 687
« on: January 19, 2016, 07:44:13 PM »
First script I've posted on here, hope you enjoy  ;)



4 young men are sat in a dirty room with only a large rug on the floor.

Go on, do it, all you have to do is squeeze the ball and inject it.

   No way man, I told you, I ain’t doing that crap.

The other 2 men seem agreeable and won’t make a move.
Jake pauses.

   Fine, I’ll fuckin do it first then.

Jake grabs a stress ball in the shape of a boob and begins to squeeze. All remains silent.

   Right, here we go.

He picks up a needle from a case (previously unseen by camera)
JAKE takes a large breath and slowly injects himself flinching.

   So… how does it feel?

   Well I don’t know yet do … I

JAKE replies as his head tilts back and he releases a large sigh.

   Ooooooh that’s good. Ooooh Gooood.

   Damn gimmie some of that.

GEORGE and MIKE both reach for stress balls.
But TYSON is still reluctant.
After injecting the 3 are all laying back ecstatic.

Go on Ty, this hits better than your lack of a father figure.

Fuck you. You know what, fine, bunch of assholes how good can it be

TYSON injects and also lays back



GEORGE, JAKE, MIKE, and TYSON are walking through the street all excited for clubbing.
They queue and all get in to the noisy club.

            JAKE (YELLING)
      Going for a piss, be right back!

The others all nod and head towards the bar gesturing to Jake.


JAKE heads into a stall


JAKE goes for a pee and zips up, getting his zipper stuck and swearing a bit.


JAKE rinses his hands and reaches into his pocket, he pulls out a small bag with pills in it, he checks around and pops one in his mouth and washes it down with water shaking his head and leaning over the sink for a brief moment.


GEORGE, TYSON, and MIKE are at the bar with shots lined up ready.
JAKE walks over

      Hope you haven’t started without me

      You know it. Bottoms up!

They all down the shots.


JAKE is dancing badly in the crowd with MIKE.

         Haha, they’re so far gone already.

         Here here. Guess we better catch up.

TYSON downs another drink. Orders another drink and he then signals that he’s going to the loo and GEORGE nods. JAKE watches him go and heads over.

         Wagwaaan bro.

         Huh? The heck does that mean?

JAKE smiles and takes his shirt off wrapping it round his head like a rasta hat.



JAKE glances towards the toilet and pulls out another pill and drops it in TYSONS drink. GEORGE doesn’t look too happy but doesn’t say anything. JAKE then heads back to dance after patting GEORGE.
TYSON appears out of the toilet and starts his drink, he glances at it as if it tastes funny but ignores it.

         Wow, I need to dance man!

         Do you? But you hate dancing?

         I know but… man I just need to dance tonight!

         Guess I’ll join you there.

They head to the dance floor to join JAKE and MIKE.


The 4 stumble out of the club, MIKE being held up passed out by TYSON and GEORGE but barely.
They sing a bit of Spice Girls and drop MIKE, who rolls off the kerb.

         Damnit Mike, get up.

         Eh, leave him we’ll find him tomorrow.

TYSON agrees and they walk off.


Camera zooms out and MIKE Is stood in a police station looking very hung over and angry.
Camera turns to face other way and GEORGE, JAKE, and TYSON are stood there in the door way looking goofy and laughing.

Thanks for reading :D

« Last Edit: January 19, 2016, 08:10:00 PM by Alice, a Country Gal »

Offline TheOtherAdrian

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Re: Hijinks - Some strong language and themes. Word Count - 687
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2016, 05:25:03 AM »
Hi Cronus,

this was an interesting read. Is it the beginning of a longer piece? Personally, I like a few lines of context when reading a script.

First off, unless you plan on directing the film yourself, don't include stage directions and transitions. The only transitions in a spec script should be FADE IN and FADE OUT at the beginning and end of each act (if there are acts) and FADE TO BLACK at the very end.

4 young men are sat in a dirty room with only a large rug on the floor.
I assume they're sitting on the floor? Maybe state that explicitly. And since they have names, introduce those names before the dialogue starts, like:
A dirty room with nothing but a large rug in it. JAKE, TYSON, MIKE and GEORGE (all mid-twenties) are sitting on the floor.
If they haven't appeared before, also give a rough age bracket for them.

He picks up a needle from a case (previously unseen by camera)...
I thought there was nothing but a rug in the room? Unless it's somehow an important plot point, I'd omit the part in parentheses since that's up to the director. It's not a very important reveal anyway – if the case is closed at first, it doesn't really matter when the viewer notices it since they can't tell what's in it until Jake pulls out the needle.

JAKE takes a large breath and slowly injects himself flinching.
Again, the director and actor will take care of that.

It's not really an exterior shot if you immediately move the action inside the club.
By this point, I was a little bored because there doesn't seem to be a point to the story. I'd probably read a little further to see if anything happens besides some guys getting high, but not very far. Whatever the hook of your movie/show is, consider putting it in earlier.

I hope this helps. Good luck with your further writing!