Hi, this is my first war screenplay so I'm a bit nervous about posting this - and I really wanted some feedback, so here it is!
Any feedback is appreciated, the title is "Soldier of Overkill"
1. FROM BLACK WE HEAR:
VOICE OVER
From day one, I always wanted to be
a SEAL.
FADE IN
2. INT. LIBRARY - DAY
SHOT ON "MEN IN GREEN FACES" BY GENE WENTZ.
The book is in a long line of military books on the shelf in
the library.
VOICE OVER
When I was in Junior High in
Dallas, I was assigned to do a book
report. Not many books could peak
my interest. But one did.
A hand reaches up into frame and takes "Men in Green Faces"
from the shelf.
VOICE OVER
That one was Men in Green Faces by
Gene Wentz, a former seal.
CUT TO:
3. INT. BEDROOM - EVENING
A young-ish boy, around 13, a younger version of the
narrator, lays on the bed, reading the book. This is Mark
Bennett.
VOICE OVER
Ever since I read page 1, I knew I
was going to be a SEAL.
There's a knock on the door.
MARK
Yeah?
VOICE OUTSIDE DOOR (O.S.)
Dinner's ready.
FADE TO BLACK.
4. THE FOLLOWING TEXT FADES IN OVER BLACK:
2011 - 21 years later.
FADE IN
5. INT. DARK HELICOPTER - NIGHT
We can hear heavy breathing.
Then, a light flickers on, it comes from the cockpit, it
lights up the cabin slightly.
We see an older MARK BENNETT, still not as old as the
narrator, but getting there, sitting in the cabin, no seats
are in the cabin.
He is surrounded by a group of soldiers, 11 to be exact.
The helicopter they are in is an MH-60 Black Hawk.
The heavy breathing continues.
Then; it fades out. A loud sound, of the helicopter's ROTORS
kick in, it fills the cabin with noise.
The door to the helicopter is open.
Mark walks over to the helicopter door and stretches his
legs out.
SQUAD LEADER
Don't go jumping on me, Bennett.
MARK
Just getting the blood flowing,
sir.
Mark is sweating heavily. Understandably nervous.
VOICE OVER
Tonight was the night. I couldn't
feel my legs, I thought this might
give 'em a kick. My logic was
slightly off. I had been cramped in
the cabin for the last hour and a
half, but just 5 minutes ago, we
put on our gear, helmets, checked
radios, made sure the weapons were
up to scratch.
POV - MARK
Mark looks down at the city of Abbottabad.
VOICE OVER
The men I was with on the mission
were the best of the best, we were
handpicked from hundreds to do this
mission, and I was grateful for the
oppurtunity. I had no doubt we
could do what we had to - I trusted
these men and they trust me back.
SHOT IN THE CABIN
We focus on Mark, still sitting on the side.
CLOSE UP ON MARK
Mark closes his eyes.
FLASH TO:
6. INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
A younger Mark is watching the TV, it's the news, describing
the 9/11 attacks, Mark looks shocked, in disbelief.
VOICE OVER
I dreamed about this mission since
I saw 9/11 on the news. I was just
home from my barracks for 2 weeks,
and I came home and saw this.
BACK TO
7. EXT. HELICOPTER - NIGHT
The shot focuses on the helicopter, Mark still sits on the
edge.
VOICE OVER
As I watched, I wished I was in
Afghanistan, chasing down those Al
Qaeda fuckers and teaching them a
little lesson.
SQUAD LEADER (O.S.)
Bennett! Get your ass in here.
FLASH TO:
8. EXT. PLANE - DAY
Set days after the 9/11 attacks.
Mark gets ready to board the plane, kissing his girlfriend,
possibly for the last time to his knowledge.
BACK TO
9. INT. HELICOPTER - NIGHT
The 12 soldiers, including Mark, and their squad leader sit
in the cabin, most on the floor, some on cheap lawn chairs.
Squad leader sits on the chair.
SQUAD LEADER
We're approaching our destination,
should be there soon, we're gonna
do one final check on weapons and
then we gotta prepare. We gotta
take our chances on this mission,
been almost a decade after the
attack in NY, and 8 years of
chasing this fucker.
Let's go get this terrorist
bastard.
Mark, Walt, you get the door, watch
the compound as we approach.
Mark and Walt, the sniper of the crew, walk over to the
doorway of the helicopter.
Walt hangs one leg out and the other lies behind him.
Mark sits with both legs out. Mark carries an assault rifle,
the M16A4, Jay has a long barrel sniper, his barrel scouts
for victims around the compound. Mark's job to survey where
he isn't looking.
VOICE OVER
No one believed this mission would
be approved in Washington, but now
- we were just minutes away from
the compound.
The heavy breathing starts again.
Mark grabs the rope attached to the Black Hawk's fuselage.
This brings a calm over him.
The breathing becomes less heavy, they turn to long, deep
breaths.
SQUAD LEADER
We clear?
MARK
Yeah.
SQUAD LEADER
What?
MARK
(SHOUTING)
I said yes, sir.
SQUAD LEADER
(TO PILOT)
We're clear, bring 'er down.
Modified to remove all the cap. letters in the subject line.
