Author Topic: Sample of Screenplay - Buisness Related Story  (Read 2067 times)

Offline matteo_catilo

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Sample of Screenplay - Buisness Related Story
« on: December 16, 2015, 08:53:08 AM »
This is just a very brief sample that I have attached it to this post. I hope you enjoy it- feel free to leave honest feedback  ;D

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Sample of Screenplay - Buisness Related Story
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2015, 09:37:11 AM »
Hi Matto and welcome to MWC. I'm sure you've noticed that I moved your script from Review My Work to Review My Script. Stick around and you'll soon get to know our wide variety of boards. :)

Since you are new, I'm sure you didn't realize that links to your work rarely get clicked: First, because we don't know you yet and Second, because most of us prefer to have the text on the board where we can read and re-read if needed before offering a critique.

Please take note of this board's guidelines at the top of this page. Pay special attention to the word limit which is a 1,000 word limit for post for critique. http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=3425.0

It would be nice if you also visited the Welcome Board and took a moment to introduce yourself.
http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?board=1.0

Smiles,
Alice
« Last Edit: December 16, 2015, 09:39:09 AM by Alice, a Country Gal »
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Offline CorneliusPoe

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Re: Sample Script - Please Read. Script Attached
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2015, 12:24:00 PM »
matteo,

Your enthusiasm is inspiring. That said, I recommend you do read Alice's reply to your first post:

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=59063.msg1113359#msg1113359

I edited the topic header from all cap to initial caps. Additional information can be found here:

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=7415.0

Regards,
Marc
"Poetry is not speech raised to the level of music, but music brought down to the level of speech." - Paul Valery

Offline Oceaxe

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Re: Sample of Screenplay - Buisness Related Story
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2015, 10:59:35 AM »
Hi, I read the script but can't really offer anything useful on so short an excerpt.

I think it depends on what you want, as someone who is more used to radio scripts I can't comment on the filmic aspects of your piece, and what I might be able to help on, character presentation and plotting, I have too little to work with. For instance, I have no idea why the young woman is being so aggressive! A refection of her nervousness perhaps? If so you need to show that.

So, sorry. But good luck.
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

W.B. Yeats (18651939)

Offline matteo_catilo

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Re: Sample of Screenplay - Buisness Related Story
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2015, 04:09:54 PM »
I totally understand!  ;D I will try and post a lengthier sample.