Sample of Screenplay - Buisness Related Story

[matteo_catilo]

This is just a very brief sample that I have attached it to this post. I hope you enjoy it- feel free to leave honest feedback 

[Alice, a Country Gal]

Hi Matto and welcome to MWC. I'm sure you've noticed that I moved your script from Review My Work to Review My Script. Stick around and you'll soon get to know our wide variety of boards.

Since you are new, I'm sure you didn't realize that links to your work rarely get clicked: First, because we don't know you yet and Second, because most of us prefer to have the text on the board where we can read and re-read if needed before offering a critique.

Please take note of this board's guidelines at the top of this page. Pay special attention to the word limit which is a 1,000 word limit for post for critique. http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=3425.0

It would be nice if you also visited the Welcome Board and took a moment to introduce yourself.
http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?board=1.0

Smiles,
Alice

[CorneliusPoe]

matteo,

Your enthusiasm is inspiring. That said, I recommend you do read Alice's reply to your first post:

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=59063.msg1113359#msg1113359

I edited the topic header from all cap to initial caps. Additional information can be found here:

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=7415.0

Regards,
Marc

[Oceaxe]

Hi, I read the script but can't really offer anything useful on so short an excerpt.

I think it depends on what you want, as someone who is more used to radio scripts I can't comment on the filmic aspects of your piece, and what I might be able to help on, character presentation and plotting, I have too little to work with. For instance, I have no idea why the young woman is being so aggressive! A refection of her nervousness perhaps? If so you need to show that.

So, sorry. But good luck.

[matteo_catilo]

I totally understand!  I will try and post a lengthier sample.