Author Topic: Screenplay - Life's Better  (Read 1814 times)

Offline JeremyBenson11

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Screenplay - Life's Better
« on: December 05, 2015, 08:32:13 PM »
Hello,

I've got an idea for a screenplay. The problem is I have gotten very few positive reviews. The negative reviews did make it better. Right now the script is part done, and needing a lot. I  have such an awesome premise, just a hard time conveying it in a way that the world will enjoy it.

A young writer is working on a script, but can't get anything down. He meets a young girl who is from an abused past. She falls victim to people who try to victimize her online. They make her life miserable. When she threatens to turn them in they decide that she would be better off dead. Of course our young writer is falling love, and needs to save the day.

I have gotten such crap reviews on the script it's not even funny. The awful thing is I understand. I just don't know how to fix it. Saying your conversations here are boring, unique, and whatever... That's great.... but what replaces it? What comes out? I'm hoping people here will be a little more helpful with that... The script so far can be viewed here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_sCRT1kbxBfxVoF417nfawn6BrRu6PL3DGYJlJKg2mQ/edit

lol... I wanted this to chisel out like the movie 13, or My Girl... Something good... but need some help. Any writers got any ideas for it?

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Screenplay - Life's Better
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2015, 09:55:35 PM »
Traditionally, most of our members are hesitant to click on links from someone we don't know at all.

Most reviews are offered on work posted on the board. Please be aware that on the Script Board (where I've moved this) there is a 1,000 or less word limit.

Jeremy, may I suggest you introduce yourself on the welcome board. Here's the link.
http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?board=1.0

Just tell us as much or as little as you are comfortable with, give us a chance to get to know you a little.

MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline matteo_catilo

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Re: Screenplay - Life's Better
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2015, 03:55:52 PM »
Hey! I'm sorry about all the bad constructive criticism  you've been getting-I'll give you the most helpful advice I can.

Firstly your formatting is a bit off- you have to use headings which depict whether the location is inside or outside, the actual location and the time of day. As an example, a scene inside a park during the day would be written as:

EXT. PARK-DAY

Make sure it is always in capital letters!

Also, when a character is reading something, you'd use the 'INSERT'. To apply this to your script, instead of writing "Hunter walks the street towards the park, opening the letter. It's a rejection letter for his screenplay", you'd write INSERT: Letter  Typed: Rejection of screenplay.

If you'd like to find out more about how to appropriately format your screenplay, you can always find youtube tutorials or some educational content online!


Also, your story must have an interesting premise, and interesting characters. This is easier said than done, of course. What I do to find ideas is to walk around the neighbourhood with a notebook and pen, note down stories, characters, conflicts and dialogue which come to your head. A way of forming a story is by writing a scene, and producing a story around it.

You should also use an appropriate software to write your screenplays. I personally use a website (not software) to write my screenplays. Its completely free and automatically formats your text. Go to www.celtx.com if you are interested.

Also, read some example screenplays to get a gist of how to write appropriately-some are available for free download here: http://www.imsdb.com/

Finally, just remember to use the correct grammar and punctuation! You wouldn't want your work being textually flawed, as it can make it unmarketable.

Best of wishes! Keep writing!