Nineteen

[Tom 10]

          Nineteen

You have the full moment
to convince me of the way
trees may teach the true languages.
Say something important–
say it loud
in the quiet way parents talk.
A guitar string picks,
a voice calls and I see
my popodcasts have loaded,
the moment endes=
I’my thumbs thermos mobs is gull
and I’m gone again
to surface later.

[Biola]

do you mean at Nineteen that is how we think?
biola

[Tom 10]

Biola, yeah, sort of, although it's more applicable to  a 14-year old, I think, and I was trying to say something about how this parent/child communication is fuzzy, but I think the poem is the fuzzy thing.  I am not happy with with it and have a re-write in the works.  Thanks for taking a look.

T

[Mark T]

i likd th opnng bt nt th rst so mch. Mrk

[Tom 10]

arged, Mark.

[kateD]

You have the full moment
to convince me of the way
trees may teach the true languages.
Say something important–
say it loud
in the quiet way parents talk.
A guitar string picks,
a voice calls and I see
my popodcasts have loaded,
the moment endes=
I’my thumbs thermos mobs is gull
and I’m gone again
to surface later.

I like this. I don't understand "endes=
I’my thumbs thermos mobs is gull"
but I suspect that is my own technological naivete. Because he is typing with thumbs?
And I don't know that a guitar string can pick, but rather is picked.

I love the opening sentence and the final one. Accurate sentiment.

[Alice, a Country Gal]

The title, Nineteen, sent me traveling back to the distant past when I was that age.

As a result I've come back to this and read it over again twice. Still trying to wrap my mind around the part following:

a voice calls and I see

I have the feeling I'm failing to read what you are saying Tom.

[midnight candle]

I absolutely love the first three lines

[Tom 10]

Kate, The lines you flag- 10 & 11 - the idea was as the young N moves back into his/her 'natural' world, the older non-tech savvy parent is left behind.  The gibberish was intended to let the reader identify with the parent more than the 19 year old - who really should be 14, I think. 

Alice - 'a voice calls and I see' The N. is distracted from what might have happened with parent, s/he sees the podcasts have loaded, and his/her attention is gone from what the parent would regard as the here and now.

Candle - thanks. I like the opening too.  I just need to figure out now what should follow.

Thanks for the feedback.  This one is frustrating, I know what I want from it, but it is so deficient.  I think it goes in the drawer for a while.

T

[CorneliusPoe]

You have the full moment
to convince me
Say something important–
say it loud

Is all I need from this poem. The opening voice is all you and is enjoyable. It's like listening to James Tayler singing Oh! Susanna not really fond of the song, but love the voice.

[Tom 10]

Thanks Marc.  Next week - She'll be Comin' 'Round the Mountain