Author Topic: How Close  (Read 3265 times)

Offline matty11

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Re: How Close
« Reply #15 on: October 09, 2015, 01:02:01 PM »
hi Tom,
           I have to echo the applause on this. Pacing and phrasing perfect. My one doubt is over 'rumble' - lacks the sonic hardness of the rest...maybe.

all the best

matty

Offline Tom 10

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Re: How Close
« Reply #16 on: October 09, 2015, 01:04:22 PM »
Good point, Matty.  I appreciate your take. :)

Offline DoggyBongo

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Re: How Close
« Reply #17 on: October 09, 2015, 05:40:54 PM »
F*** man I really rate this.

Thirteen lines, four/ five words a line, yet smacks it into the back of the net from forty yards out.

There's few things I love more than thunder storms, you'd think it would be easy to use them as a subject but everyone seems to f*** it up. not seen them used as evocatively as this.

Love the vapor-mirror-alive, last line rumble is great.

It's shot in black and white to me. Like Young Frankenstein uses that imagery but in a different way.

I also enjoy I don't know what the f*** it's about. I've thought about it and; lost love, death of a loved one and an alternative Frankenstein thing all work for me.

Either way, enjoyed them all.

Seriously man, I'm not a big fan of poetry but this is a proper piece of work. Thanks





« Last Edit: January 29, 2016, 10:25:20 PM by Alice, a Country Gal »

Offline Tom 10

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Re: How Close
« Reply #18 on: October 09, 2015, 06:01:48 PM »
Hello DoggyB -

This is a curious place for you to hang out if you are not a fan of poetry. :o :o :o :o

I love the young Frankenstein thing - you have a fertile imagination. And I sincerely appreciate your comments.  thank you for reading this.

T

Offline DoggyBongo

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Re: How Close
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2015, 07:16:22 PM »
As curious as the tale of a cat.....

Seriously, proper piece of work. Don't get big headed though. Your next one might be shit. But that one, as they say ..f.i.r.e. is goooood.

Cigars!?

Offline Tom 10

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Re: How Close
« Reply #20 on: October 09, 2015, 07:20:08 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: How Close
« Reply #21 on: October 09, 2015, 09:40:59 PM »
F*** man I really rate this.

Thirteen lines, four/ five words a line, yet smacks it into the back of the net from forty yards out.

<snipped>


Doggy,

If you failed to read the guideline when you first joined, please do so now.
http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=7415.0

Please pay special attention to this part:
Quote
11. Strong language. As stated above, MWC is an adult forum, and we accept that some items submitted for criticism (e.g. movie scripts) may include strong language. Because the forum can be viewed by people of all ages and cultures across the world, however, we do ask that any post containing strong language include a warning in the topic title (e.g. Horror Movie - Some Strong Language). People can then choose not to read the item concerned if they think they might be offended by it. We also ask members to think very carefully before using strong language in discussions - remember, one person's jokey aside is another's offensive name-calling. This is a writers' forum, so it should be possible for members to discuss matters in a constructive, adult way here, without resorting to casual swearing.

This is the reason I modified your post and I or other moderators will do the same when such words are used in critiques.

The only acceptable use of swearing is laid out in the earlier part quoted above.

MWC Charity Publications.
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The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

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Offline DoggyBongo

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Re: How Close
« Reply #22 on: October 10, 2015, 03:10:05 PM »
Really. Really?

Iím telling some bloke how much I liked his piece of work and you think itís appropriate  or more important to be offended by the word f***.

 *isnít even a letter. You feel better by inserting *** instead of uck? Why. Do you think they have magic . Do you think someone reading f*** and f*** say something different in their head? Itís a word. Donít be frightened of words. Why would you be?

 The more I think about it the angrier Iím getting. Who are you anyway? Word Police? Why do you care? Itís words. If they had the tinterweb in the 14th century people like you would be hassling Chaucer.

 I am an English man. From the north. Our language has many roots including Germanic. Weíve been using this word for centuries. That we use it more freely than you is not my fault.  Itís not our fault that by bizarre historic accidents the language has spread across the world. But donít tell me how to use it. Go and a tell a Catalan how to speak.

Alice, Iím not having a go you personally. We both like words. So if we were introduced at a dinner party say, Iím sure weíd get on famously. BUT what are you doing? How can words be offensive? How? Seriously. What the sound of them? Cook, luck, book? Yeah theyíre ok but just start them with an f.

I wouldnít mind but this is a forum about, of all things, words!

If anyone is offended by the word f*c* then I am not sorry. They should grow up. And ***k  *f*. (see what I did there?)

Ií getting more furious the more I think about it. You know what? Ban me. Bar me.  Delete my post. But when you do, donít forget to go out and buy some books to burn. Put some Beatles albums on the bonfire while youíre there.

If you do not censor this and take it as a heart felt critique of your incursion in this post, you have my respect.

If not, ďFrankly my dear, I donít give a f***Ē
« Last Edit: January 29, 2016, 10:28:55 PM by Alice, a Country Gal »

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: How Close
« Reply #23 on: October 10, 2015, 03:33:07 PM »
Yes, this is a forum about writing and thus, about words.

I gave you the appropriate Guidelines in the posts before your little hissy fit. Since they are composed of Words, I feel sure you are able to read each and every one of them.

Yes, most, if not all of us are adults, although it's sometimes hard to tell by tantrum thrown by some.

But our forum is also public, which means that those of all ages can view,  and we do have youngest join from time to time.

Plus, our sponsors, you know, the people who pay to allow us this space on the web, wish us to keep our site Family Friendly.

I and many others here feel it is well worth watching our language in general conversations to enjoy the gift from our sponsors. 

If you don't agree, I'm sure you can find other places on the World Wide Web that tolerate any kind of language use.

Consider this a Warning. The next one might be the last one.

Alice
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« Last Edit: October 10, 2015, 03:40:53 PM by Alice, a Country Gal »
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline DoggyBongo

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Re: How Close
« Reply #24 on: October 10, 2015, 03:40:32 PM »
Blimey.

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: How Close
« Reply #25 on: October 10, 2015, 03:46:46 PM »
I apologize to Tom and all those replying on this thread for interrupting the conversation.
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline Tom 10

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Re: How Close
« Reply #26 on: October 10, 2015, 06:03:22 PM »
Alice - thanks but you don't owe me an apology.

DoggyBongo -- You are way out of line.  You are a guest in this writers' community, as we all are.  Behave like it.    I wonder if you are this rude in person, when folks know you by your real name.

Your attack on Alice is misguided.  You owe her an apology.  I doubt, as you pretend, that she was offended by your gratuitous use the f-word.  She simply informed you that per the guidelines of the site, it is inappropriate for the comments section.  She even cited for you the provision of the guidelines which you apparently either did read or didn't think applied to you.  Did you notice that no one had a problem when you used the same word in one of your poems.  There was an assumed artistic reason for it there.  Not in the comments as she kindly explained.

No, Alice is not the 'word-police'.  She is a Moderator of the site, one of many, all of whom are volunteers who make this site functional.  They have more than enough to do without putting up with your garbage.  

I don't understand why you would have problems with the etiquette of site.  Its not particularly oppressive.  Its a method for us being civil to each other.  Why is that an issue for you?  Can't you seriously contain yourself?  If not, then you need help.  

This is not a language issue or a censorship issue.  It is just a matter of good manners.  You were politely told you were out of line.  The appropriate response is to man up and give the apology you owe.

Instead, you say you get angrier and angrier as you rethink this.  If that is true then you need help with anger management as well.  Maybe what you really need to rethink is your seemingly limitless sense of personal entitlement.  

« Last Edit: October 10, 2015, 06:34:07 PM by Tom 10 »

Offline DoggyBongo

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Re: How Close
« Reply #27 on: October 10, 2015, 06:51:07 PM »
Blinking blimey.

Still, good poem though.


Offline Laura H

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Re: How Close
« Reply #28 on: October 10, 2015, 07:07:05 PM »
It is a good poem, and writers can always find the right words for the right situation. Right? If you are limited to one word, go learn some more. There are lots.

Let's move on and get back to the poem  ;)
ďThere is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.Ē ― Maya Angelou

ďDon't be like the rest of them, darling.Ē ― Eudora Welty

Offline bri h

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Re: How Close
« Reply #29 on: October 13, 2015, 06:10:51 AM »
With respect to T.

I too am a man of the North of England. More particularly the N/E of England. But I know when it's pertinent to swear. I swear when at work, or in mixed company that are already swearing. I don't use it on a family forum without giving prior warning (usually in the title thingy at the top of the post). Yer in the wraang DB.

Still enjoyin this crackin poem Mr 'T'.

Bri.
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx