Author Topic: Bank Scene  (Read 7206 times)

Offline Writer3

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Re: Bank Scene
« Reply #15 on: May 28, 2016, 06:33:44 AM »
I really love this! It has character, style, humor and an abundance of charm. Please write on I would love to see what you come up with next! The one thing I might add might be more puns from Ultra Man when he is fighting the bank robbers. May I suggest:
"I used to want to be an accountant, then I lost interest."
And then maybe something like:

Are you just a bank robber for the money? Well maybe I should give you...

He fights a bank robber.



...a pound!

The bank robber groans and cringes. The civilians let out loud groans as well. ULTRA MAN looks around.


Didn't like that one?


Should have stopped after the accountant one.

I don't know, that's just what I would do. You're probably a better writer than me so you know best. This is just a suggestion really. If this helped in any way please check out my screenplay for my tv show Belsloe. Again, really enjoyed the script and I look forward to reading more of your work.