Immigrants

[Tom 10]

    Immigrants

They live in the sauna
while they build a barn,
live in the barn
while they build a house.

Their sons get tongue-tied
around the awkward girl
on the next farm over

The names of their relatives
still back in the old country?
They give ‘em out,
one by one, to the cows.

[rosez]

I like the way this proceeds, in a playful and clever manner. Enjoyed the ending. Nice work.

[Tom 10]

Thanks Rosez.

[510bhan]

I can 'see'this -- god work. Couple of nits . . . too many 'the' interrupts what could be a better flow IMO, but maybe you want that to echo the speech patterns of immigrants. Anyhoo . . . 


    Immigrants

They live in the sauna
while they build a barn,
live in the barn
while they build a house.

Their Sons get tongue-tied
around the awkward girl
on the next farm over.

The names of their relatives
And relatives' names
still back in the old country?
They give ‘em out,
one by one, to the cows.

[Tom 10]

The Celestial Institute of Fiddle U Fingers is back in session - nice fiddle, I like the revisions.

[rosez]

Just chiming in to say one big 'hello' to 510bhan.

[510bhan]

Hiya -- rosez. 

[Welsh Rarebit]

I like the 'simplicity' of this work, its clean and precise.  There is a sense of movement or instability throughout that captures the "stranger in a strange land".  Very strong message in few words.  Enjoyed!

[kateD]

    Immigrants

They live in the sauna
while they build a barn,
live in the barn
while they build a house.

Their sons get tongue-tied
around the awkward girl
on the next farm over

The names of their relatives
still back in the old country?
They give ‘em out,
one by one, to the cows.

Not sure how I missed this one. (Guess 'cause I'm hanging out in Workshop these days.)

This is gave me a chuckle. Is "one by one" necessary? Kind of implied.

Now you've given me ideas for horse names....

[Tom 10]

Thanks Welsh Rarebit, and Kate, for the read and kind comments.  Its a pretty light poem.  I lived for a time in a section settled by Finnish Immigrants, inhabited when I lived there by 3rd generation folks - they liked to tell the stories of their predecessors, and I liked to listen.

T