Yet another one of these pointless scripts that'll probably never get produced (or rather, the first three pages of it). This time, I've decided not to take this one so seriously. Yes, the script breaks a few rules, yes, there's a character named after me, but this is mostly an exercise in ridicule. Enjoy... or not.
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
The place is filled with 12th grade students in black and blue uniforms mingling amongst themselves.
MAGDIEL (V.O.)
I know what you're thinkin'. What's so special about these people? Well, nothing. But look closer.
NELSON, a 17-year old with a beard that looks like it came straight from the Motherland, sits at a chair near the back of the classroom, writing on a notebook.
MAGDIEL (V.O.)
There. That kid. That kid's name...
Nelson stops writing and looks forward, at which point everything stops.
SUPER: The word "Nelson" in a spectacular fashion.
MAGDIEL (V.O.)
Is Nelson.
Time resumes normally, as Nelson looks back down toward his notebook and continues writing.
MAGDIEL (V.O)
And now you must be wondering: "what's so special about THIS guy?" Well
(beat)
nothing, really.
EXT. SCHOOLYARD - DAY
TODDLER NELSON, who has a similar, yet smaller beard to his older self, stands at the school entrance a backpack on him.
MAGDIEL (V.O.)
He came into this school at about five.
Toddler Nelson merely stands there, a terrified expression on his face as he stares at the huge, gothic entry gate. He then faints and falls backwards.
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
KID NELSON, basically a tad larger Toddler Nelson, mingles with a few other students of his own age.
MAGDIEL (V.O.)
He got along with a few people.
EXT. SCHOOL HALLWAY, SECOND FLOOR - DAY
A group of large, muscular bullies drag a struggling Kid Nelson towards the edge of the hallway.
MAGDIEL (V.O.)
Others... not so much.
The bullies throw Kid Nelson off the second floor, who lets out a high-pitched scream as he falls.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT
Nelson's TWO PARENTS sit by a crying Kid Nelson with a half-body cast.
MAGDIEL (V.O)
Still, his parents always had his back.
KID NELSON
Billy's a total ass.
NELSON'S DAD
Yes, yes he is.
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
Nelson stands at the cafeteria line, a tray in hand and FIVE PEOPLE in front.
MAGDIEL (V.O.)
But there's one thing that Nelson wants above all else. Oh, and I lied. There IS something special about him.
Suddenly, he hears the click of a can opening. Everything slows. Nelson's heartbeat becomes audible as it beats increasingly faster. His now bloodshot, constricted eyes start scanning the room. Seconds later, he finds his destiny: a can of Malta India, held by a CHILD STUDENT at the other end of the room.
He lets out an ear-shattering roar. He then leaps from the line and onto a cafeteria table. He starts sprinting across the table, flailing his arms like a rabid gorilla. He kicks a plate into A PERSON's face, then slams his lunch tray into ANOTHER PERSON's face as he makes his way across the table.
He leaps onto another table, and starts to sprint across it. Halfway across it, he trips on a pancake, making him wildly tumble across the other half of the table, knocking over several plates of assorted food items.
He rolls off the table, covered in cheese and ketchup stains, and lands right next to the child student with the Malta India.
NELSON
(in a monstrous growl)
Give!
The terrified child student slowly extends his Malta towards him. Nelson quickly stands and yanks it away from him. He opens the can, looks to the sky and pours it all over his face like an animal. As he does this, he is tased and falls to the ground. There's a SECURITY GUARD standing behind him.
NELSON
(whispering)
Glorious.
The guard tases him once again, knocking Nelson unconscious.
INT. INFIRMARY - DAY
Nelson sits at a chair, still out cold. His eyes then open. There's a NURSE sitting on a chair, facing towards him, writing on a clipboard.
NELSON
Hello?
NURSE
Oh, you're up.
NELSON
What happened?
NURSE
You had another episode.
NELSON
Did I hurt anyone?
NURSE
Um...
The nurse looks down at her clipboard. On it is a paper with "Kyle Armstrich - 6th grade - broken nose" and "Fred Dillinger - 7th grade - black eye" written on it. She nervously clenches the clipboard and brings it to her chest.
NURSE
No, but a poor kid lost his
(beat)
drink.
NELSON
Oh, okay.
The COUNSELOR walks into the room.
COUNSELOR
Is that the kid?
NURSE
Yes.
COUNSELOR
Come with me, let's have a little talk.
