Author Topic: Tonight Falls White Again  (Read 1909 times)

Offline Tom 10

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Tonight Falls White Again
« on: June 29, 2015, 05:55:45 PM »
 Tonight Falls White Again

What brings spring’s blossom
brings nature’s plentiful petals,
spring’s plentiful fragrance opening   
blossom petals, opening anew.

Amid gathering summer winds,
gathering fauna dance twirling   
summer dance rhythms, sunburned   
winds, twirling sunburned Earthlings.

We welcome autumn’s goodnight
welcome rhadamanthine repose again   
autumn’s repose bids gentle
goodnight again, gentle earth.

Winter comes quiet tonight
comes with snow falls   
quiet snow drifts white-      
tonight falls white again.










Note:  This poem is comprised of four verses, each of which is a ‘square poem’.  Each verse has four lines with four words per line, and reads the same horizontally and vertically.  Reading a verse vertically means reading the first word of each line, then the second word of each line and so on - the lines are seen as vertical columns, left to right.  The traditional square poem apparently had syllables per line equal to the number of lines.  These verses are based on the C.L Dodgson (Lewis Carroll) square poem model which matches the number of words per line with the number of lines.  These are four such four-square poems strung as verses.  


« Last Edit: July 04, 2015, 02:31:00 PM by Tom 10 »

Offline Mark T

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2015, 12:53:57 AM »

The discipline required by the form is seriously impressive and yet the resulting words are wonderfully lyrical. This is something else.
« Last Edit: June 30, 2015, 03:47:44 AM by Mark T »

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2015, 02:10:20 AM »
Goodness Tom! Writing a poem like that is a challenge if I ever saw one! Blimey!  :o

I've got lots of things to do, so I'm gonna leave my computer alone for now, and come back to your poem first thing when I get back. This poem deserves my undivided attention.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2015, 09:08:41 AM »
Thanks Mark & Liam. 8)

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2015, 11:19:07 AM »
Tom, I officially hate you now. You're too bloody good. As if writing a square poem isn't good enough on its own merit, you have to sneak in Vivaldi as well.  :o

I'm in awe.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2015, 12:29:41 PM »
Vivaldi - the four seasons?  (I twice have explicitly brought Vivaldi in the front door and it didn't really work either time).

Thanks Liam, you're too kind.

T  
« Last Edit: June 30, 2015, 12:33:06 PM by Tom 10 »

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #6 on: June 30, 2015, 01:03:27 PM »
Yep, four seasons. And it worked sublimely this time. Maybe Vivaldi prefers sneaking over using the front door and making a great entrance?  ;)

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2015, 01:43:49 PM »
I think I like Vivaldi more now.  :)


Offline kateD

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2015, 04:49:01 PM »
This is really quite impressive T. It's even a decent poem on its own, not knowing the elaborate gyrations. "... twirling sunburned Earthings."  8)

K.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2015, 05:05:03 PM »
Thanks Kate.  'Earthlings' was the last word substituted in.  I couldn't find what I wanted and this word had the less-than-somber feel that seemed to set tone, so I kept it.  Dodgson wrote a couple 6x6's, if you can believe that.  I found 2x2's are easy, but dopey.  3x3's are not too tough to do, but not too easy to have them say something.  4x4's seemed to me to be the sweet spot.  5x5's and up get real complicated real fast.  The trick I think to making those work is to find the internal words which can function appropriately as both nouns and verbs.  Anywhoo.


Offline MadDove

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2015, 06:27:55 PM »
I agree this is rather awesome, Tom. The form is intriguing though perhaps more so as for a writer of poetry than as a reader of it. Must go off now to do some cogitation  ;)

Offline kateD

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #11 on: July 03, 2015, 06:35:33 PM »
'Earthlings' was the last word substituted in.  I couldn't find what I wanted and this word had the less-than-somber feel that seemed to set tone, so I kept it. 

Wow. Typo -- you wrote earthings ... like Earth-Things. Not earthLings. Funny, I liked the typo better. And knowing you (a wee bit) I thought it was an intentional (miss)spelling.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2015, 02:30:43 PM »
 :) :)  thanks kate - purely unintentional typo.

Offline CorneliusPoe

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Re: Tonight Falls White Again
« Reply #13 on: July 05, 2015, 10:16:00 AM »
Very cool and an impressive bit of writing. That said, your voice is clearly fettered by the form (can't believe I'm the one saying this). I'm amazed at what you we're able to do with it, but it still comes across as Tom-in-box.
"Poetry is not speech raised to the level of music, but music brought down to the level of speech." - Paul Valery