Author Topic: New Play (can you read it and tell me what you think?) Third Scene  (Read 2368 times)

Offline Samuel96

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Thank you everyone for your comments so far, they've all been invaluable and have contributed to the script. I'm very grateful... I am now posting the third scene which I hope you can help me with.

Scene 3

(Bedroom)

Samantha : Sweetheart. (Trying to wake her) sweetheart Iíve made you breakfast, and Iíve got you some painkillers if you still need them. How are you feeling?
Cassandra : Iím okay, Iím fine.
Samantha : You can tell me..
Cassandra : Iím feeling okay, I promise you I am.
Samantha : Itís been a few days now and youíve barely spoken to me about what happened. (Sitting on bed near her) I can only help you if you let me. You know we need to tell someone soon, donít you?
Cassandra : No, Iíve already said I donít want to tell anyone.
Samantha : I mean the police.
Cassandra : So do I.
Samantha : WeÖ we have to tell them what happened to you. Please let me ring them, I just want to help you. What about other girls, the police need to know. I understand itís hard for you, I really do, and youíre scared. If I was in your position I would be too but we canít just pretend it never happened.
Cassandra : I know youíre trying to help, but can you leave it please. (Getting out of bed, still seems to be in a bit of pain) I just want to get on with my life. Iím back to work today anyway.
Samantha : (kindly, softly) I called us both in as sick so I could stay here and look after you.
Cassandra : (Angry) You did what? NoÖ no you canít just ring up my work and say Iím sick.
Samantha : Whatís wrong?
Cassandra : I canít believe you just took it upon yourself to do that.
Samantha : I was just trying to take careÖ
Cassandra : Youíre not my fucking carer! I was raped. Iíve got to try and deal with that but you canít ring my work, and start telling me when I should be able to start living normally again. This is for me to deal with, not you.
Samantha : How can you say that?
Cassandra : Say what?
Samantha : You have no idea how cruel you can be sometimes. (Runs through to the bathroom, crying and locks the door)
(Cassandra runs to the door and starts yelling for her to ďopen the doorĒ, begins hitting the door hard, she throws something across the room, it smashes. She begins to calmÖ sits on couchÖ Samantha comes out of the bathroom)
Samantha : Iím sorry.
Cassandra : Donít say that. I just feel so angryÖ but not at you, this isnít what I want to do to you.
Samantha : I really was just trying to help, I donít mean to be overbearing, itís just that I love you.
Cassandra : I know, I know. I want to tell you something.
Samantha : (Sitting down on the couch next to her) Go ahead.
Cassandra : I orgasmed when he was raping me. I didnít want to, and I know I hated it, but I orgasmedÖ Iíve been worrying about it.
Samantha : How can that even be possible.
Cassandra : I donít know.
Samantha : But you couldnít have done, weíve beenÖ six yearsÖ
Cassandra : (Almost coldly logical) I thinkÖ I think because when Iíve been with anyone Iíve tried to think about the orgasm, and how Iíve never had one, and that stops me. I think this time it was the last thing on my mind, and it just happened. Iíve read about it online. I didnít enjoy it, I didnít like it. I didnít want to tell you because Iím not sure how youíd take it. I feel so angry. So sad.
Samantha : (Standing up) Iím not sure how to take it.
Cassandra : It was horrible, it wasnít pleasure, it was against my will and it made me feel sick as it happened. Oh god, it feels like heís taken a part of me away.
Samantha : I donít understand how you could orgasm if you werenít at least, a little bit, you knowÖ
Cassandra : What? If I didnít like it.
Samantha : Donít put words into my mouth.
Cassandra : I hated it. Iíve told you why it happened.
Samantha : Okay.
Cassandra : This is why I didnít tell you. You canít even imagine, I just need to forget it.

hillwalker3000

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Re: New Play (can you read it and tell me what you think?) Third Scene
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2015, 06:48:43 PM »
A few random observations:

Samantha : Sweetheart. (Trying to wake her) sweetheart I’ve made you breakfast, and I’ve got you some painkillers if you still need them. How are you feeling?
If she's trying to wake her it suggests she failed to do so.

Samantha : It’s been a few days now and you’ve barely spoken to me about what happened. (Sitting on bed near her) I can only help you if you let me. You know we need to tell someone soon, don’t you?
Is this simply here for the audience's benefit? I have my suspicions.

Samantha : We… we have to tell them what happened to you. Please let me ring them, I just want to help you. What about other girls, the police need to know. I understand it’s hard for you, I really do, and you’re scared. If I was in your position I would be too but we can’t just pretend it never happened.
That's a long speech. I'd expect C to interject more.

The business about suddenly ringing in sick - what happened for the 'few days' immediately after the attack?

Cassandra : You’re not my fucking carer! I was raped. I’ve got to try and deal with that but you can’t ring my work, and start telling me when I should be able to start living normally again. This is for me to deal with, not you.
Seems over the top even for someone still recovering from such an attack.

And this part simply doesn't ring true.
Cassandra : I orgasmed when he was raping me. I didn’t want to, and I know I hated it, but I orgasmed… I’ve been worrying about it.
One minute C is physically attacking S and the next she's revealing an intimate detail that she must surely realise will jeopardise their fragile relationship. I think most women in this situation would say nothing - or at least not discuss this so soon after such a heated exchange. S's reaction is also unsympathetic for a so-called significant other. Six years and she's acting hurt because her lesbian partner can only orgasm during heterosexual rape - how inconsiderate of C.

You've given yourself a huge problem to overcome here. It will be interesting to see how you get out of it.

H3K

Offline TheOtherAdrian

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Re: New Play (can you read it and tell me what you think?) Third Scene
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2015, 06:31:56 AM »
Nothing to do with the content, just a random observation: I find it extremely difficult to read pieces formatted like this. Try to put space between the lines and capitalize the speaker's names to make it easier on the eyes.

Tony_A20

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Re: New Play (can you read it and tell me what you think?) Third Scene
« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2015, 10:52:25 AM »
To forum scriptwrters,

This is what a film script looks like:
http://web.archive.org/web/20100525105437/http://www.foxscreenings.com/media/pdf/JamesCameronAVATAR.pdf

This is how to display your script on MWC:
http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=49023.msg867941#msg867941

A little research would find both.

Stage Plays are formatted slightly differently and show Acts and Scenes.  Here is a link:

http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scripts/stageus.pdf

and with more detail,

http://ptfaculty.gordonstate.edu/lking/CPF_play_formatting2.pdf





Tony