Author Topic: Silhouette Cowboy  (Read 2923 times)

Offline Tom 10

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Silhouette Cowboy
« on: May 16, 2015, 01:09:25 PM »



        Silhouette Cowboy

A silhouette cowboy waves toward the
state aid highway north of Swanville.
Sometimes when driving by I wave back,
roll down the window and yell How-DEE!
This is the land of yard ornaments.  They
wait by the pond for days like these, the cast
deer, bear, lions.  Up the road twenty or so
miles is a telephone pole painted and
feathered, half buried at an odd angle,
to look like an arrow struck the earth.

Hello from the clouds. 
Hello from Little Crow.




Offline MWL

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2015, 02:48:52 PM »
Hi T,

This is a nice poem. I really like the lines /half buried at an odd angle/to look like an arrow struck the earth/



Offline Tom 10

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2015, 05:46:25 PM »
Thanks MWL,
Glad you liked this, and thanks for reading.
 :)
T

Offline kateD

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2015, 05:53:27 PM »
I, too, live in the land of yard ornaments (I think it's called Redneckville).

I like the last image of the arrow and

"Hello from the clouds. 
Hello from Little Crow."

 :D


Offline Tom 10

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2015, 06:43:32 PM »
Hi Kate,
Thanks.  I'm glad the ending works.  Little Crow lead the Dakota Uprising of 1862 which was fought right here.  I thought the poem works okay  without that knowledge.

T

Offline kateD

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2015, 07:04:49 PM »
It did, because (of course) I didn't know that. Knew it was an Indian, and that was enough.

Offline drab

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2015, 10:41:12 PM »
I've seen this posted before.
From memory the last S is different.
I read this (wrongly no doubt) as the Indians still losing out...still missing the mark, even with their Celestial arrows!
Dignity still lost!
Enjoyed it either way...a nice slice of Americana  :)
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2015, 12:15:40 AM »
You're good, Rev.  The first draft of this was up for about 12 hours on the NaPo thread a month ago, and it is the ending which received the most serious editing. 

Thanks for the reading, glad you like it.

T

Offline Jack of Hearts

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2015, 08:56:30 PM »
It's easy to appreciate the clear images and straight forward syntax.



J

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2015, 08:24:03 AM »
Thanks Jack.  Some folks would say those are not my strengths. :)

Offline Amie

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2015, 12:09:46 PM »
I love it. This time, you played to your un-strengths ;) - I got a very clear image from just a few words, and somehow (I don't really know how) it just feels true to me, like I can see that cowboy waving.
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2015, 12:21:45 PM »
I just love the mental picture of that giant arrow, half-buried in the ground.
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2015, 02:44:20 PM »
I don't make this shit up, I just write it down.  Okay, I don't make up more than half.

Thanks Amie & Gyppo.

T

Offline duck

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2015, 09:20:36 AM »
Hi Tom
Like the description and the idea but wonder about the line cuts so a fiddle:


A silhouette cowboy waves toward the
state aid highway north of Swanville.
Sometimes when driving by I wave back,
roll down the window and yell How-DEE!
This isin the land of yard ornaments.  
They wait by the pond for days like these, (days like these suggests something but I don#t know what and the poem is not telling)
a cast of deer, bear, lions. Twenty miles(could not find a reason to end the previous line with the cast)
up the road a painted and feathered (the 'and so' is unnecessary and a poor line end)
telephone pole is half buried at an odd angle
to look like an arrow struck the earth.

Hello from the clouds.
Hello from Little Crow.

Hope you don't mind
« Last Edit: May 19, 2015, 09:25:24 AM by duck »

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Silhouette Cowboy
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2015, 03:27:43 PM »
Thanks for the comment, MWL. 

Hi Duck, some interesting suggestions.  thanks for the fiddle.   8)