Author Topic: Untitled ~400 words  (Read 2343 times)

Lin

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Re: Untitled ~400 words
« Reply #15 on: March 14, 2015, 05:24:06 PM »
I absolutely hate reading in present tense.  I can see the author behind the writing and it irritates me.  Either write in first person or third for this piece I think.

Imagine writing this in first person, you might see inside the MC's head far better than in present tense.


Alone that night, only the third night alone since the incident. As he lays in bed, the
fear begins to creep over him like the blankets he's wrapped up in. How would his dreams go
tonight? That was the sleepless question. While laying there he began to wonder
how long he could go without sleep
.

Try this in first person

Aone again for the third night since the incident. I lie in bed and  fear creeps over me like the blankets that wrap me. How long could I go without sleep, how much longer would I dream about her and the memories that haunt me?

I feel that if you were to use first person, you can get into the mind of the character far more deeply than the remoteness of present tense. Not sure that the fear and the blankets wrapping him are connected, but this is something you can play with.  Once you use first person, you can really begin to become the character and the story is closer to the real thing too. I love writing in first, but I also use third.

Good luck, take on board what everyone is saying, gather the gist of their advice and take what you want from it. 

All the best

Lin