Author Topic: A recycled form (triolet) poem for Valentine’s day  (Read 10122 times)

Offline Mark H

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A recycled form (triolet) poem for Valentine’s day
« on: February 14, 2015, 04:57:47 AM »
The Missing You

There's a warm-biscuit spot
in the bed; and it's you shaped.
It's not you, but I like it a lot.

There's a warm-biscuit spot
in the slot where your bot
usually blossoms undraped.

There's a warm-biscuit spot
in the bed; and it's you shaped.

I wrote this triolet about 6 years ago and I have to say that the spot in question is now a tiny bit larger.

Mark
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Offline heidi52

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Re: A recycled form (triolet) poem for Valentine’s day
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2015, 10:40:47 AM »
I hope you didn't mention that fact.  :o

Fun little read.

Offline Mrs N

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Re: A recycled form (triolet) poem for Valentine’s day
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2015, 11:00:08 AM »
So, not so much biscuit spot as slice from a large loaf spot!!  :D :D

Nice poem.

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: A recycled form (triolet) poem for Valentine’s day
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2015, 08:54:26 AM »
Hmmm, Mark, not sure about the ‘warm biscuit’ analogy because, for me this summons up not something fresh, soft and tasty but a sorry image of dunked limp sogginess. Knowing your previous work this could well be the unspoken but sordid implication.


Instead of a biscuit why not consider:
a warm muffin or scone,
some moist flapjack
or a fresh doughnut with cream?

though I would avoid Swiss rolls, the Elephant’s Foot and the Iced Finger.

apart from that, it's allright.


DdV

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Offline Mark H

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Re: A recycled form (triolet) poem for Valentine’s day
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2015, 09:48:11 AM »
D

You are completely and utterly failing to take the sense of smell into account. Warm biscuits straight form the oven smell very much like a young lady's derrière. It may look more like a fresh doughnut (assuming your WGW sprinkles her bum with granulated sugar) but the aroma is just not right.

I considered warm pasty, but then there's the worry that it might be cheese and onion rather than Cornish, and as you know they have very different aromas.

At my age it is hard to avoid the iced finger, though I do try.

M
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Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: A recycled form (triolet) poem for Valentine’s day
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2015, 10:15:41 AM »
Speaking of pasties, my local pasty shop deliberately wafts its baking pasty aromas out into the street in the hope that passers by will exclaim Oooh pasties and buy one.

Now if I had an other half whose bum smelt like warm biscuits I’d be getting her a nice Saturday job in a bakers – her bum in the window pulling in the punters.

Unless of course she already works in a bakers and smuggles the odd hot biscuit into her back pocket for later. In which case, you’ve been seriously hoodwinked my friend. I hope your marriage wasn’t built on this novelty. Have you checked her for crumbs?

 
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Offline Mark H

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Re: A recycled form (triolet) poem for Valentine’s day
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2015, 10:47:30 AM »
I seriously hope that back pocket is NOT euphemism!  :o :o
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