Author Topic: Safe--short drama/musical  (Read 7200 times)

Offline efk

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Safe--short drama/musical
« on: January 29, 2015, 06:54:33 PM »
[Stage: busy street, people everywhere, Girl A walking alone, hustle and bustle of crowd muttered,  unseen voice of Girl A clearly heard above them, Girl A wandering amongst middle/back of crowd]

Girl A: Help/ Can't do this alone/ Lost/ Wandering soul/ Please/ I need to be free/ Help/ Save me from me/[make way to wandering towards the front of the stage, clearly visible to audience]/ I want to be free/ From the pain of the past/ The loneliest nights/ Make this one my last/ Save me/ Can't do this alone/ Save me/ From the dark in my soul/ Save me/ From the hell in my mind/ Save me/ I don't have much time/[disappear back into crowd]/ How/ Did I end up like this/ How/ Did I fall so far/ Why/ Did I do this to me/ Help/ Save me from me/[wandering in back, crowd dispersing]/ I want to be free/ From the pain of the past/ The loneliest nights/ Make this one my last/ Save me/ Can't do this alone/ Save me/ From the dark in my soul/ Save me/ From the hell in my mind/ Save me/ I don't have much time/[one maybe two stragglers cross the stage, curled sitting against back wall/side of building]/ Please/ Save me from me//[head down into knees, crying, as small and frail looking as possible]

[Girl B enters up stage right, same as pedestrian extras, sees Girl A and makes her way to her]

Girl B: Hey....you okay?

[Girl A raises head, tear steaks, broken]

Girl A: I'm....fine. Don't mind me. Sorry for bothering you.

[Girl B raises hand to help Girl A up]

Girl B: You didn't bother me. And you don't seem fine. But it's okay not to be fine sometimes too, I think.

[help up, Girl A sleeve slips, frantically pulls them down]

Girl B: It's okay,sweetie. Me too.

[begin to walk off together]

Girl A: You have them too?

Girl B: Yeah. You'll be okay. Someday. Come with me. We'll get you warm, I've got some food,cand bandages too if you want. It'll get better.

[exit down stage left]

^black out^

[stage: small, run down apartment, heater off to side/in corner, girl A sitting on table/counter, draped in blanket, girl B bustling around for food, bandages]

Girl B: What sounds good? I have some fruit, mainly apples, some cookies I made the other day, always coffee...I've got peppers. I could make soup. [turns to look at Girl A]

Girl A: No, um, I'm good. Thanks though. Sorry. [very timid, ashamed, apologetic for everything]

Girl B: What are you sorry for? ...[silence in return]....When was the last time you ate something?

Girl A: ....Thursday....[pointed look, attitude of disbelief]......last Thursday....

Girl B: Honey..... please... [crosses to table to look Girl A  in the eyes, sets bandages, etc. on table, puts hands on Girl A's knees, Girl A squirms, Girl B removes hands]... here. I'll tell you what. We can make soup together. It's one of the first things I didn't feel bad about eating. There's peppers, and onion, and water, and salt. Does that sound alright?

Girl A: [shrugging, refusing to make eye contact] I guess it doesn't sound too bad.

Girl B: Will you at least try it?
 
Girl A: Maybe a little bit....

Girl B: [broad grin] That's good enough for me. Oh! Your bandages first?

Girl A:....sure....I mean, you don't have to, but....

Girl B: Do they hurt?

Girl A: No!....yeah......a lot....

Girl B: I know. It's okay. We'll get you all taken care of.

Girl A: Thank you. I'm sorry.

[Girl A cautiously extends arm, Girl B tenderly takes arm and draws up sleeve, cleansing wound and bandaging]

Girl B: Don't be sorry. You're perfectly okay. You're more than okay, honey........there you go. All better.

Girl A: Kind of. Thank you. You did a much better job than I've ever done.

Girl B: No problem. Lots of practice. It's easier on someone else than on yourself. And you will be some day.

Girl A: Will be what?

Girl B: All better.

^black out^

[stage: apartment w/heater, two cots, blankets, dim lighting, nighttime]

Girl A: No....no! Please! No! Please...[tossing, turning, nightmare]

Girl B: [walks over to kneel beside Cot A, comforts Girl A] Shh....it's alright. You're okay. You're safe here. No one's going to hurt you. You're okay. You're safe.

Girl A: [sits up, shaking sobbing ish] Who can protect me from myself?

Girl B: [sits beside Girl A, holding her] I can try. And I can do my best to teach you how to love yourself again. You'll be okay, angel.

Girl A: How can I love myself? Who would ever love such a worthless, disgusting, dispicable piece of shiz?

Girl B: You're not disgusting. Or despicable. And nobody, nobody, is ever worthless. [Girl B holds Girl A, rocking slightly in a comforting manner as she sings] Painted in red/From the nightmare inside your head/The nights grow longer/The tears fall harder/ Feeling so small/ You build up your walls/ Well let them all fall// 'Cause I will be here/ Cast aside all your fears/ Turn away from the dark/ And into my arms/ I will hold you so tight/ Til everything is alright/ And when the night turns to day/ You will be okay// Standing alone/ A wandering, weary soul/ The pain hurts deeper/ The words flow freer/ Afraid of the night/ Your distorted own sight/ Please don't give up this fight// 'Cause I will be here/ Cast aside all your fears/ Turn away from the dark/ And into my arms/ I will hold you so tight/ Til everything is alright/ And when the night turns to day/ You will be okay// You won't be like this forever/ We can get through this together/ Just have to let yourself be/ Take my hand and you'll see// I will be here/ Cast aside all your fears/ Turn away from the dark/ And into my arms/ I will hold you so tight/ Til everything is alright/ And when the night turns to day/ You will be okay/ You will be okay//

^black out^

[Stage: apartment, kitchen table, bowls of soup, Girl A eating, Girl B pretending/picking at food]

Girl A: This soup is really good. Thank you.

Girl B: I'm so glad you like it. It's wonderful to see you eating more.

Girl A: I still hate it. I'm fat and ugly and don't deserve it. But maybe someday I'll be able to do something good. And the food fuels my body rather than killing it. If I die I can't do any good.

Girl B: You're already doing amazing things, angel. With every life that you touch, you're doing incredible things.

Girl A: [looks down into soup bowl in somber disbelief, then brings head up suddenly to stare at Girl B] Why did you stop? That day last week.

Girl B: You reminded me of me. So I did what I wished someone had done for me all those months ago.

Girl A: You made it though.

Girl B: Barely.

Girl A: You're so strong though. I wish I could be strong like you, instead of the stupid weakling I am.

Girl B: [lifts Girl A's chin] No, bébé. I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all. I've made mistakes. Ive screwed up and hurt people I loved. I've been weak. I'm still so weak, broken. But if that's what it takes, if that's what you think, then be strong like me. [taking bowls over to sink]

Girl A: One week clean. This is the longest I've ever without....you know....

Girl B: I know. Every day is a struggle not to.

Girl A: It's all thanks to you, you know. Without you I'd still be starving, slicing my arm open. I might have been dead by now if you hadn't stopped that day.

Girl B: You'd be okay without me. I'm not so sure I'd be okay without you though.

Girl A: Me? Why?

Girl B: That day, last week, when I found you....I was on my way to the bridge.

Girl A: To....?

Girl B: Yes. I had no purpose left. I had no reason to stay anymore. You reminded me that there are good people out there, and there are people out there I can help. If I can help even one person, that's one more person who's in a better place. You reminded me I'm here for a reason.

Girl A: You reminded me how to love, myself and others. You taught me its okay to be broken for a while because we all can heal. You reminded me what it means to be safe. [pause, looks down, looks up! makes eye contact! begins to sing] Strangers alone/ Lost in the cold/ Dreading the day//

Girl B: [crosses to Girl A's side of the table while singing ] All hope had gone/Afraid to move on/ Drifting away//

Girl A: [pivoting in chair to look up at Girl B] A word of concern/ So wearily heard/ Never dreamed you might stay//

Both: But now I die without you/ You have changed me for the better/ So here I go/ I'll love while I can/ As long as you're mine//

Girl A: [takes Girl B's hands, stands and turns to face] Letting you in/ Letting you see/ Daring to trust through uncertainty//

Girl B: [emphasizing with held hands] Someday we'll heal/ Maybe we'll be okay/ Clinging to hope until we reach someday//

Both: [drop hands, turn to sing to audience] Because I die without you/ You have changed me for the better/ So here I go/ I'll love while I can/ As long as you're mine/[turn back to face each other on held mine]/

Girl A: [grasping upstage hands] I'll hold everyday/ 'Cause it might slip away//

Girl B:[grapsing downstage hands, both girls's arms extended, leaning back from each other]  But now that you're here/ I've lost all my fears//

Both: [pull in close to each other] I'm leaving the past and drawing you near/ [draw back! figure eight arms over heads! slide out to fingers, half to full rotation spin around grasped hands] Love unfailingly/ You saved me from me/ You showed me all that someday I might be/[grasp one hand, swoop back, straighten, grasp both hands straight]/ Because I die without you/ You have changed me for the better/ So here I go/ I'll love while I can/ As long as you're mine//

Girl A: Love not alone/

Girl B: Warming the souls/

Girl A: Loving the day/

Girl B: My love here we'll stay/

Girl A: I'll love you today/

Both: Today and always//

[relase hands, embrace, wall phone rings, Girl B moves to answer it]

Girl B: [into phone] hello?...yes....no...no! [extremely distraught, slams phone back onto wall] I have to go! [runs off stage left]

^black out^

[Stage: dark, dim bluish light front center/down left, all props in dark background, Girl B enters left, frantic, broken]

Girl B: no!....Why?!....Please!.....I can't do this again!....[shadows creep in, begin singing, terrified, trying to fight off shadows, frantic, attacking/fighting off nearly dance like] Dark/ Hurt/ Pain/ Cut deeper/ Red/ Insane/ Cut longer// Bleed/ Free/ Dead/ Cut deeper// Home/ Almost/ Cut longer/[cannot beat shadows, cowering trying to protect herself from blows] / Don't/ Let/ Me / Go, stay here// By/ My/ Side/ Hold me near// Can't/ Find/ Truth/ In all the dark night/[knocked to ground, grasp bladd, holding, comtemplating, shadows still attacking]/ Lost/ So much fear/*/ Let/ Me/ Go/ Can't stay here/*/ Fade Away/ Can't stay here/*/ Red/ Flow/ Gone//
*possible staging for slitting wrist/s, shadows scatter, disappear

[Bluish light turns off, regular light still dim, Girl A enters stage right, searching, worried, light fades to ]

Girl A: Where are you?...Come back, please!....It'll be okay.....no...[sees Girl B collapsed down stage left, rushes to her, kneels/sits beside her, trying to stop the bleeding, but it's too late]...no!...please, baby, don't go....I need you...[cradling Girl B's frail, limp form against her] Don't leave me here/ I need you/ My worst fear/ Losing you/ Don't go yet/ So much to stay for/ Your dreams to live for// I wanted to show you/ Things you couldn't see/ The beauty inside you/ What you mean to me/ The dreams we had planned/ Can't do them alone/ You helped me to stand/ Never let me fall// Don't leave me alone/ I need you to stay/ Don't die on me now/ Stay here today/ Don't leave me, my love/ I'll love you today/ Can't do this alone/ Don't leave me, please stay//

^black out^

[end]

Stage apartment layout see attached photo

Offline Skylan

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Re: Safe--short drama/musical
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2015, 07:00:11 PM »
Greetings, efk. I noticed this was your first post. Why not take a moment and head over to the Welcome Board to introduce yourself?

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?board=1.0

We find it common courtesy to offer critiques on 3 other pieces before asking for reviews of your own. You'll be helping others, and are more likely to receive help and critiques in return.  ;)

Offline Moscow_Chad

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Re: Safe--short drama/musical
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2015, 05:50:52 PM »
In a musical, the music can make all the difference in the world, so its somewhat difficult to gauge just how effective the moments between the music might be.  Taken on its own, the text is a bit sparse and repetitive.  I appreciate that you're mostly hinting at the deeper relationship between these two women, but each jump forward in the chronology left me frustrated at seeing only the result and never the forming of the relationship itself.  If this excerpt serves as a prologue to set up the rest of a broader story, then I suppose it works a little better.  But if this is all there is, offering only hints of this interesting relationship left me really unsatisfied.  It feels like you have a great idea, but are afraid to tackle it head on.

That said, there is definitely a kernel of a good idea here, and the characters do really live and breathe.  I'm just frustrated that you skipped over the much more interesting part of the story that I'd rather see...