Author Topic: A Medieval night  (Read 4836 times)

Offline LC1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 546
A Medieval night
« on: January 18, 2015, 02:44:06 PM »

 It was the end of a long shift when Jester finally headed back to the room in the old gun tower, that for the last fortnight he had been calling home. Throwing his three pronged hat on the table, he decided against washing the make up off his face and collapsed straight onto the stuffed straw mat. He was awoken not long after by loud thumping on the door.

"Jester. Jester wake up, Lady Enoch demands your attention imminently".
Jester recognised the shrill tones of Major Ramage and clambered groggily towards the door.
"You must come with me immediately, it is a matter of urgency". Major Ramage led the way, his torch light swaying smoothly in the darkness.They walked through the palace and across the court yard and came to a small outbuilding on the Far East side. Lord Ramage handed Jester a key and then left quickly, his small green cape fading into the darkness.

After forcing the key until it almost broke in the lock, the door opened. Jester, who was also the palace electrician,stepped into the darkness of the palace switch room. He edged his way over to the candle shelf and lit one with the remains of the torch.

Taking small careful steps, he edged his way towards the main panel. He could hear the rats scurrying across the floor looking for a hiding place.The buzzing of the panel always made him nervous and tonight it seemed to be louder than ever. Waving the torch over the components, he flicked the switch on the breaker.

"It's working again". Lady Enoch pulled the duvet off and ran to the toilet where Lord Enoch was brushing his teeth.

"What? It can't be".

"It is darling, that means we can watch Lords and Wenches. Isn't it great?"

"Wait till I get my hands on that bloody Jester. I'll have his head".

Offline Clarius

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1542
Re: A Medieval night
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2015, 02:54:06 PM »
I'm afraid I have to say that this suffers badly by comparison with your previous offering. It reads like a first draft that hasn't had so much as a cursory editing. Here's the type of thing that gives it away.

Taking small careful steps, hHe edged his way towards the main panel.

The other major issue I have with this is that I don't understand the premise.

You're better than this, and you know it.
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us

 - Robert Burns