Author Topic: Fear thy father  (Read 4871 times)

Offline Alita Patel

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    • abuse after effects and recovery
Fear thy father
« on: November 23, 2014, 06:54:14 PM »
Fear thy father
My own flesh and blood
Not honor him

Fear his voice
Commanding and orderly
Do not speak

Fear his presence
200 pounds and 6 feel tall
Do not move

Fear his rage
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Do not cry

Fear his words
Full of expletives
My burning ears

Fear his strength
Run and hide
Hoping to never be found

Fear his calmness
Dreaming or real
Until the next storm comes again



Alita
Alita Patel

Offline bailish

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Re: Fear thy father
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2014, 02:23:47 AM »
I like this. Your passion comes through your writing well. I feel the tension throughout. Good job!

Offline Alita Patel

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  • Posts: 90
    • abuse after effects and recovery
Re: Fear thy father
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2014, 09:08:44 PM »
Hi there,
Thanks for ur comment.  I feel so happy!!!!!!


Alita
Alita Patel

Offline Joseph Taylor

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Re: Fear thy father
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2014, 10:45:57 PM »
Wow. I really liked this.
I love how you used the comparison of Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The two sided nature of this man.
And consistent again in the last line "until the next storm comes again" because you know it will.

Very well said. If there was a scoring system on here I'd give it a 5/5.