Author Topic: Bad Guts  (Read 2730 times)

Offline Stupot

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Bad Guts
« on: October 13, 2006, 05:59:59 PM »
This is a poem I wrote about four years ago.
It's one of my very few attempts at poetry and you can judge for yourselves wether or not I was taking it seriously.
I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it.

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Bad Guts, By Stuart Forbes.

It was Just a little sausage
No bigger than your thumb,
But I'll never forgive that sausage
For what it done to my bum.

I placed it in the oven
And turned it once or twice,
Then I turned away a sec
To make myself some rice.

How was I supposed to know
I'd left the oven off,
I put my sausage with my rice
And then began to scoff.

It wasn't until afterwards
Whilst putting the plate in the sink,
I realised my sausage
Had still been rather pink.

There was nothing I could do right then
I'd gobbled up the lot,
I knew there'd be a price to pay,
An extremely painful bot.

I waited for 10 minutes,
I waited for an hour
And just as I thought my guts were safe
It came with super-power.

At first I couldn't even move
Let alone stand and walk.
I tried my best to scream for help
But I couldn't even talk.

Eventually I pushed my self
And in quite a super feat
I flew into the toilet, pulled down my pants
And sat upon the seat.

I didn't even have to strain.
There was no need to urge.
For just as my bum touched the seat
It all began to splurge.

It splattered and spluttered
And hurt like Hell.
But that's nothing compared
To it's desparate smell

Imagine smelling a dogs behind
When he's just been for a crappy
Mix it with the smell of death.
I wasn't very happy.

After a while it all calmed down
And my stomach felt okay.
But then I felt an almighty surge
And puked for half a day.

This all happened yesterday,
Today I'm feeling nice.
Next time I get hungry, though,
I think I'll stick to rice.

« Last Edit: October 13, 2006, 06:02:06 PM by Stupot »

PaulW

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2006, 06:13:39 PM »
LOL - good stuff  ;D ;D ;D ;D

N.Mott

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2006, 06:40:43 PM »
Brilliant, Stu. Even hubby laffed - we love toilet humour.  :D

- Naomi

Offline Big T

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2006, 02:08:05 AM »
 :D
Nice one Stu.

T
Big T  :o

Offline *Lorraine*

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2006, 04:54:17 AM »
 :D :D :D

Very funny Stu, I enjoyed it.  I've been there myself 3 times!  Kebab, shellfish and chicken  :-\.

Have you ever read the poem 'the pest' by John Cooper Clarke?  I think you'd like it.  It's about "pissing in the proper place" - funny and clever.
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Offline *Lorraine*

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2006, 10:05:20 AM »
Your poem about the sausage inspired me to write this in 'memory' of one of my own unpleasant experiences:


It hit the pavement with a splatter,
The red wine and the seafood platter.
Suspicion fell upon the latter.


Lorraine
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N.Mott

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2006, 11:56:41 AM »
LOL! Lorraine  :D

Offline Stupot

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2006, 01:49:14 PM »
It hit the pavement with a splatter,
The red wine and the seafood platter.
Suspicion fell upon the latter.

Hehee Nice one Lorraine.

Thanks for all the positive comments guys.

[EDIT]
I've just read that John Cooper Clarke poem... it's great
That takes alliteration to the extreme.
There was "P" all over the place... hehe
http://www.cyberspike.com/clarke/pest.html
« Last Edit: October 14, 2006, 01:58:35 PM by Stupot »

Offline *Lorraine*

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2006, 02:21:55 PM »
Hi Stu

Glad you enjoyed John Cooper Clarke's 'p' poem.  I discovered him thanks to my OU course.  I admire the way he turns things around, like in the poem 'i don't wanna be nice' he uses a brilliant line - 'a friend in need is a friend in debt'.  So clever.

Anyway, hoping to read more from your own poetry vaults please Stupot.

Cheers, Lorraine
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Offline *Lorraine*

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #9 on: October 14, 2006, 02:50:15 PM »
Sorry Stu, it's me again.  I meant to include this link in my last reply but I forgot it (senility) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a14JCSFqc48

The clip made me laugh till I cried.

Lorraine
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Offline Stupot

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2006, 06:28:51 AM »
Ahaa... that was horrible.
Unfortunately, that's my poetry vault exhausted. The only reason I wrote that was from a mad moment of inspiration.

Offline *Lorraine*

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Re: Bad Guts
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2006, 07:25:17 AM »
Everything's affecting my funny bone at the mo.

Firstly, when I logged on the option said 'forever' which started me off and then your 'Ahaa' post was so Alan P - I had to laugh.   :D

Must go and lie down in a darkened room.

L
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