Author Topic: Blade’s Edge  (Read 3467 times)

Offline Mark T

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Re: Blade’s Edge
« Reply #15 on: November 21, 2014, 10:10:23 AM »

You're making me hungry, Tom. I look forward to any tinkering you add to this great piece. K liked it too.  :)

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Blade’s Edge
« Reply #16 on: November 21, 2014, 10:15:45 AM »
Thanks again Mark.  S.1's got me flummoxed.  Greetings to K.  ::)

Offline Mark T

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Re: Blade’s Edge
« Reply #17 on: November 21, 2014, 10:17:42 AM »

Want me to have a bash at it? Might give you a new angle to work with... PM?

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Blade’s Edge
« Reply #18 on: November 21, 2014, 10:44:08 AM »
Sure - more the merrier.  :)
And maybe later it can get run through the car wash down at Fiddle U Fingers, if the proprietor ever gets back.   8)

Offline Mark T

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Re: Blade’s Edge
« Reply #19 on: November 21, 2014, 10:46:03 AM »
 
;D ;D

Offline Ursinewave

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Re: Blade’s Edge
« Reply #20 on: November 21, 2014, 02:00:28 PM »
I agree with CP about most of this. My one reservation about this poem is the phrase "the eyes in the mirror." In a poem about love, I found this kind of self-referentiality out of place. And I think the metaphors connecting love and vision are on the whole played out.

Great work overall, though. That line "the way the creek works the bank around every curve" is truly stunning. That it's a creek and not a river fortifies the argument of the poem about little things and small hesitancies so well.

Offline heidi52

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Re: Blade’s Edge
« Reply #21 on: November 21, 2014, 02:03:57 PM »
Glad this got brought back to the top. Very nice writing. I wouldn't change a thing.

I too love the creek - perfect.

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Blade’s Edge
« Reply #22 on: November 22, 2014, 09:31:55 AM »
Ursinewave - thanks for the close reading and feedback.  Much appreciated.

Heidi, thanks for your kind comments.  I'm usually thankful when a poem fades to back pages, but am surprised and pleased that this one bounced back- as I am still in the process of revision.  I am trying to get it right and am struggling to figure out exactly what S.1 should be.  I much appreciate the view that its okay as is.  thanks.
 :)
T