Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?

[Pale Writer]

Yup, they are interesting in themselves and often remind me of those 50 word flashes. The good thing about this thread is normally I don't get to practice them nearly enough, nor have a wider sense of opinions.

[Annmarie]

Thanks, Paley. Will take your suggestions on board. Since the book isn't written yet, I have time to get this right.

[Pale Writer]

Annmarie

I think it is far harder to write one prior. Still great to though.

[Artemis Quark]

Yup, I think if you entice a reader, it should work. You have a whole story setting the hook. I know they all shouldn't be in point-form, so a bit of free-flow probably helps.

Thanks for your help, Paley.

AQ

[Artemis Quark]

I'd buy that book. And I'm in Generation X, or rather a cuspie between that and the Boomers.

I like this one AQ.

Well I guess I'd better get cracking and finish it. 

I agree with Annmarie's comment in Reply #17: “I've always thought a good blurb can help focus a story while you're writing it.” This thread has helped me gain a better understanding of the story. It will help me stay on track to keep things moving forward. Thanks Mrs N for starting this thread.

AQ

[JewelAS53]

Thanks, Mrs N, for starting a good thread.

I'll throw in my 2p'orth:

Literary Fiction / 80000 words

Zinkele abandons her quiet and peaceful Swaziland mountain village for the frenetic and vibrant South African city of gold, Egoli. She anticipates a new, exciting life. But Zinkele soon realises she has been seduced by her idealistic hopes and must find her way back home while she still remembers she once had one.

[Dawn]

Thanks, Mrs N, for starting a good thread.

I'll throw in my 2p'orth:

Literary Fiction / 80000 words

Zinkele abandons her quiet and peaceful Swaziland mountain (not sure if you need mountain)village for the frenetic and vibrant (I would use one or the other. Or find a word that sums both up) South African city of gold, Egoli. Anticipateing an exciting, new life (I would try and find one word here too) She anticipates a new, exciting life. But Zinkele soon realises she has been seduced by her idealistic hope and must find her way back home while she still remembers she once had one. (could you say while she still has one?) Not sure what your trying to convey.

[hillwalker3000]

Zinkele abandons her quiet and peaceful Swaziland mountain village for the frenetic and vibrant South African city of gold, Egoli. She anticipates a new, exciting life. But Zinkele soon realises she has been seduced by her idealistic hopes and must find her way back home while she still remembers she once had one.

First impressions - I'm not hugely fond of your character's name. Also employing two adjectives where one might serve better (three times) suggests this is going to be over-written.
The resolution - she's been enticed by the vibrancy of city life but now realises she needs to find her way home - also lacks something. We need more than your MC journeying from A to B then deciding to return to A. Just my twopence worth.

H3K

[Annmarie]

Hi Jewel -- I think it's too vague. I need a conflict to hang onto, or something more intriguing than the setting. Who or what did the seducing? What will she do about it? Run home?

[Annmarie]

Mrs. N -- Sorry I missed your comment about my blurb. I'll have to watch what I reveal. No, this isn't the Berlin, you tart book.  That one needs to wait for now. At the moment, it's too big for my britches.

[MiggsEye]

Mrs. N -- Sorry I missed your comment about my blurb. I'll have to watch what I reveal. No, this isn't the Berlin, you tart book.  That one needs to wait for now. At the moment, it's too big for my britches.

Annmarie, did you just call Mrs N a "tart book"? 

[Annmarie]

 

Uh...no. But I bet she wouldn't mind.

[Pale Writer]

Thanks, Mrs N, for starting a good thread.

I'll throw in my 2p'orth:

Literary Fiction / 80000 words

Zinkele abandons her quiet and peaceful Swaziland mountain village for the frenetic and vibrant South African city of gold, Egoli. She anticipates a new, exciting life. But Zinkele soon realises she has been seduced by her idealistic hopes and must find her way back home while she still remembers she once had one.

I don't think your first sentence should have words like quiet and peaceful, even if she is abandoning them. Since you mention her return to 'home' at the end you could bring in that longing for its peace then. I think it needs a hint of darkness, I mean she abandoned her life to go there, I just wanted a taste of what changes her mind, 'realising she had been seduced' wasn't enough to want me to read. It wouldn't take much to change my mind though.
 

[JewelAS53]

Thanks, Hilly, Dawn, Annmarie,

Food for thought. The conflict in the story is huge - how to show that in 150 words - I can see I will be spending as much time on this blurb as I am on the story  

PS, Hilly, I stole the name from the real girl in the real village on the real mountainside... It's hard to write the story in terms of another name - will have to give that some serious thought in the editing. I am aware that African names don't sit comfortably on out of Africa tongues and will probably have to compromise those in the end product.

[510bhan]

Thanks, Hilly, Dawn, Annmarie,

Food for thought. The conflict in the story is huge - how to show that in 150 words - I can see I will be spending as much time on this blurb as I am on the story  

PS, Hilly, I stole the name from the real girl in the real village on the real mountainside... It's hard to write the story in terms of another name - will have to give that some serious thought in the editing. I am aware that African names don't sit comfortably on out of Africa tongues and will probably have to compromise those in the end product.

No! It's one of the easier ones to say -- Zin-ke-le. Much of Sci-fi has more difficult names to pronounce with aliens and other species, ancient tribes etc.