Author Topic: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?  (Read 75912 times)

hillwalker3000

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Re: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #345 on: January 26, 2017, 05:05:38 AM »
Charley Manner and friends find trouble in the Deep Strait when DEA Agent Vicki Borne returns from rehab at Quantico. She’s out for revenge and wants Charley and his sidekick Hawk to help locate the Mexican drug lord who put her there. They stumble upon a secret transfer station in a discontinued dumping ground forty miles south of Key West. What they find is far more dangerous than illegal drugs.

I agree with Mrs N. I'd remove 'and friends' since we don't need to know anything about these subsidiary characters just yet. I'd also be tempted to remove 'in a discontinued dumping ground' since it's not making the picture any clearer. Maybe you can find a stronger phrase than 'far more dangerous' as well. Are their lives at risk? The future of the free world? Or is it just a health and safety issue?

One final observation - you can't rely on readers being familiar with the first book (even less so the nautical map that accompanied it). Treat every reader as if they've never heard of Charley until they read this blurb.

Good luck.

H3K

Artemis Quark

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Re: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #346 on: January 26, 2017, 10:24:34 AM »
Thanks, Hilly. Especially about treating each book in the series as a stand alone story, blurb included. I continue to find it difficult to strike a balance between including too much information and not enough. Both in the blurb and in the story. The reader is not without an imagination—the true power of the written word, IMO. But the reader of a blurb from a series book may not have read the previous book. A challenge to overcome. The key is to select the right words. But that's a large part of good writing, isn't it?

AQ

Here's a revision: Charley Manner finds trouble in the Deep Strait when DEA Agent Vicki Borne returns from rehab at Quantico. She’s out for revenge and wants Charley and his sidekick Hawk to track down the Mexican drug lord who put her there. They stumble upon a secret transfer station forty miles south of Key West. What they find in the depths is far more life-threatening than illegal drugs.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2017, 10:41:35 AM by Artemis Quark »

hillwalker3000

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Re: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #347 on: January 26, 2017, 10:38:24 AM »
I'd read that.

H3K

Artemis Quark

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Re: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #348 on: January 26, 2017, 10:42:17 AM »
 ;D  ;D 👍🏼

hillwalker3000

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Re: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #349 on: January 26, 2017, 10:47:00 AM »
I forgot to mention - you can always refer back to other books in the series on the front cover as well as in the guff that goes inside the back of the book.

H3K

Artemis Quark

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Re: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #350 on: January 26, 2017, 10:58:02 AM »
Like a label or medallion that says Sequel to Trouble on the Straits? The front does say Book #2 of the series but maybe more would be good?

Here's the latest full KDP book cover from my cover designer. He will tweak the words in the blurb before publishing. Of course, I need to finish the book first.  :-[

« Last Edit: January 26, 2017, 11:00:27 AM by Artemis Quark »

Thanksgiving400

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Re: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #351 on: January 26, 2017, 10:59:07 AM »
I replied and it didn't post, so apologies if the other one comes up and its redundant..

I don't know the other books or the history, as many who come across your book might not.  That being said, I'm not sure if you are referring to physical rehab, or substance abuse rehab.  I would think the former, however given the context of a DEA agent and drug lord perhaps the latter is more likely?  I happen to be familiar wtih Quantico so I believe you are referring to their addicition treatment program, but is that obvious to a broad audience?

You may decide it doesn't matter, but those two story lines may appeal in different ways to different people.  For example, someone who has faced substance abuse, or has had those close to them do so, may be excited by the prospect about some rogue agent going after the person who she feels contributed to the sicknesses of so many- that would be their hero.  

Perhaps its irrelevant to what you are trying to get across, I just thought confirming its a drug addiction recovery resonate with those who can identify- which unfortunately is a lot of people- more than an injured agent getting back in the line of duty.

Here's a revision: Charley Manner finds trouble in the Deep Strait when DEA Agent Vicki Borne returns from rehab at Quantico. She’s out for revenge and wants Charley and his sidekick Hawk to track down the Mexican drug lord who put her there. They stumble upon a secret transfer station forty miles south of Key West. What they find in the depths is far more life-threatening than illegal drugs.
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Artemis Quark

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Re: Blurbs - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #352 on: January 26, 2017, 11:17:23 AM »
Thanks, T. Your perspective about the term rehab is useful. I need to clarify if I'm to succeed in capturing interested readers without disappointing due to their misunderstanding and my poor choice of words in the blurb. There it is again: word choice. Such a tedious task.  ;)

Coincidently, some of the words in the longer story description/synopsis include a bit more about the nature of her rehab. (Vicki was captured and tortured by the drug lord and rescued by Charley and Hawk in Book #1)

Paragraph from the book description:
Fresh from a rigorous training program with a DEA FAST team at Quantico—part of her rehab—Vicky is anxious to apply her new skills, deliver some payback with prejudice. Charley and his sidekick, Hawk Handy, are just the pair of exNavy SEALs to help her succeed. But maybe this time they will not be so fortunate as all three find more trouble in the Deep Strait.

Maybe rehab should be recovery from the torture? Or physical rehab? Doh? Help!

Perhaps leave out the rehab and just say:
Charley Manner finds trouble in the Deep Strait when DEA Agent Vicki Borne returns from FAST team training at Quantico with a request. She’s out for revenge for the rape and torture delivered by Mexican drug lord Jose Guizarro during her last op and wants Charley's help to track him down. They stumble upon a secret transfer station forty miles south of Key West. What they find in the depths is far more life-threatening than illegal drugs.

AQ