Author Topic: How's my punctuation?  (Read 2096 times)

Offline Mark with a k

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How's my punctuation?
« on: February 15, 2006, 11:39:13 AM »
Denegen's or Derring Next Generation Propulsion Systems', as it was then known, flirtation with life as a public company was short lived.

Help!


Offline orchid15

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Re: How's my punctuation?
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2006, 02:10:55 PM »
  You cannot split the phrase        Denegen's flirtation with life.

Maybe seeing it in another form will help.  Tommy's pleasure in his dog grew every day.  You can see that if you tried to add a phrase describing Tommy after that possessive, it won't work.

You'll need to give the information in another form, maybe two sentences.

Orchid15
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Offline Nick

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Re: How's my punctuation?
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2006, 04:20:16 AM »
I agree with Orchid15. Splitting this into two sentences would be best, but if you feel it must be kept as one, maybe you could put the bit about its former name in brackets:

Denegen's (then known as Derring Next Generation Propulsion Systems) flirtation with life as a public company was short lived.

That's still not entirely satisfactory, but I think you could get away with it, as anything inside brackets is regarded as separate grammatically from the main sentence. I wouldn't put an apostrophe after Systems if you use this version, as within the brackets it's declarative rather than possessive.

Anyone got any better suggestoons?!

Nick  :)

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Offline orchid15

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Re: How's my punctuation?
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2006, 09:28:13 PM »
Even with brackets, I don't think you can separate the possesive from it's possessed.  You would have to get rid of the possesive form of the noun.

Denegen (then known as Derring Next Generation Propulsion Systems) kept his flirtation with life as a public company short lived.


orchid15
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Offline Nick

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Re: How's my punctuation?
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2006, 04:03:49 AM »
I have to say I'm not sure that really works either, as it changes the meaning somewhat. Is this any better?

Denegen (then known as Derring Next Generation Propulsion Systems) had a short-lived flirtation with life as a public company.

or

The flirtation of Denegen (then known as Derring Next Generation Propulsion Systems) with life as a public company was short lived.

Nick
« Last Edit: February 17, 2006, 06:04:58 AM by Nick »
Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

Offline Mark with a k

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Re: How's my punctuation?
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2006, 12:28:10 PM »
Thank you for the advice. I think I'll scrap this approach and try something different.

Denegen used to be known as Derring Next Generation Propulsion Systems and once had a brief flirtation with life as a quoted company.