The first thing I noticed about this when I read it is that the pacing is way off. You start out with the mundane, which is fine, but you drag it out way too long. Then the spectacular elements of the story come in, and flash past so fast and with so little explanation that the reader (player?) has no time or ability to process them. The result is that it's confusing.
I would caution you against switching up the tone too dramatically during the game - people have very different tastes, and those who might enjoy a light hearted RomCom beginning will likely not enjoy a dark SciFi ending and vice versa (there is doubtless some crossover, but those are two
very different audiences).
I have played games that start in the mundane (The last Of Us and Heavy Rain are two that spring to mind), but in those, the mundane element has two things that yours doesn't: 1. it is dramatic in some fashion and 2. it is over pretty quickly and we get into the action.
You can get away with the bus stuff as scene setting, but it's not very interesting. You risk losing people there. By the time your character gets off the bus, the player is going to be looking for something to
happen. Instead, we have to stock shelves in a grocery and listen to some boring dialogue about somebody moving house? By now, I've stopped playing because it's been more than ten minutes and this game is setting itself up to be
really boring.
Mini games and learning the controls are fine, but we need something better than shelf-stacking and spying on co-workers (for no good reason) to keep us engaged.
In fact, it seems that all the interesting stuff in this game happens while the playable character blithely does nothing:
June hops on the bus and rides home. In the background, cops and ambulances rush to the orphanage.
Wait, what? The orphanage thing came out of nowhere, didn't it? The orphanage is cliche for a start, and that the player's character is ignoring the only exciting thing to have happened so far is likely to have the player throwing a controller at the screen. There's excitement happening somewhere, but we get to stack shelves? No thanks.
Also, this:
She sees a vision of when she saw the head of the orphanage was killed the day before.
Now I'm totally lost. Did we see this? It's not in the script anywhere...
Then a couple of time travellers
(?) appear from nowhere with a time machine
(?) and the main character knocks on the door
(?). The door is opened by time travellers who ignore the character completely
(?) including the screaming from inside their own machine
(?). The player character is ready to fight them
(?) but they shut the door on her and leave, presumably still with screaming woman on board
(?). The player character then develops time travel powers
(? ? ?).
Honestly, this is confusing, weird and would not keep me interested for five minutes. It needs a major re-write. Is there supposed to be a romance between June and Clara? It doesn't read if there is. I would suggest ditching all of this and starting again with a view to including more drama.