Author Topic: Sitcom Pilot: Video Island (Working Title) Some sexual language.  (Read 2231 times)

Offline ChonkyDay

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This is a script that I've been writing for a little over a month now for my screenwriting class. So far I've tried to perfect the dialogue and the scene progression. The guidelines for writing the script were:

No scene longer than two pages
No block of action/prose longer than three line
The script must be 28-31 pages long

Please read it and tell me how I can make the script better in any way. Character development, scene progression, goals, motivation, conflict, etc.

Thanks in advance!
« Last Edit: June 09, 2014, 06:40:03 PM by Alice, a Country Gal »

Offline ChonkyDay

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Re: Sitcom Pilot: Video Island (Working Title)
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2014, 10:27:11 AM »
Oh! And just as a warning, the screenplay contains some strong language and sexual content.

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Hi Chajaja,

It's always nice to see a new member who is eager to take part in our forum.

But please introduce yourself on the Welcome Board before posting any more:
http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=7415.0

Itís also helpful to read the forum guidelines a moderator will be along to offer you.

There are guidelines on the prose and poetry boards. Youíll find them on the left hand menu when you open the board, titled something such as Read This First and marked with a blue stick pin.

The guidelines were developed to help everyone, new and current members alike, have a fair chance to have their work read and reviewed.

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Offline ChonkyDay

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Re: Sitcom Pilot: Video Island (Working Title) Some sexual language.
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2014, 06:32:02 PM »
I can't edit the title, but it needs to change. It doesn't include "violance", which is spelled wrong. :P The script contains strong language and some sexual material (awkward masturbation).
« Last Edit: June 09, 2014, 06:39:38 PM by Alice, a Country Gal »

hillwalker3000

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Re: Sitcom Pilot: Video Island (Working Title) Some sexual language.
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2014, 06:51:45 PM »
You've more chance of getting feedback if you post an excerpt on here. Most of us are wary of clicking on links.

H3K