Author Topic: As If  (Read 1982 times)

Offline jkaram

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Re: As If
« Reply #15 on: June 01, 2014, 12:27:19 PM »
Heidi- I enjoyed this tought-provoking a poem and found that the dilemma presented resonated with similar questions many share, whether consciously or not. Nice writing. A couple of niggles, minor stuff really that might help the flow/syntax- feel free to use or lose:

Car bombs in the marketplace
so common an occurrence
as to lose its shock value.
As if we were in possession
of values.

When did we stop counting
their dead, tally only our own,
listing them on lopsided memorials?,
As as if only we were the sole owners
own sorrow.

How quickly we forget
the injuries we delivered,
score only those received.,
As as if we were we're the bloody
« Last Edit: June 01, 2014, 03:55:40 PM by jkaram »

Offline heidi52

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Re: As If
« Reply #16 on: June 01, 2014, 03:12:04 PM »
Thanks for the read and the comments, will ponder your suggestions.  :)