Author Topic: Relationship Art  (Read 2474 times)

Offline CorneliusPoe

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    • Cognitive drift
Re: Relationship Art
« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2014, 03:28:36 PM »
This is a tough one. I think the revision says too much, so prefer the original. Since this is essentially a narrative I see how the added exposition is needed. Would love to see a minor compromise and have the last 2 lines restored. I think we can figure out Larry's motives from what's been stated to that point and the word "so" just denotes that the following just follows what comes before and how could it do anything but ?
"Poetry is not speech raised to the level of music, but music brought down to the level of speech." - Paul Valery

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Relationship Art
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2014, 04:23:18 PM »
Thanks for the help additional feedback. You guys are  good.  I think this dead horse is beaten enough.  Especially when there are triolets springing up everywhere to be read and admired.  8) 8)

Offline SoundGeare

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Re: Relationship Art
« Reply #17 on: May 13, 2014, 11:12:23 PM »
I prefer the revision. It more gives clearer definitions

Offline matty11

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Re: Relationship Art
« Reply #18 on: May 14, 2014, 12:46:20 AM »
So Larry called her an old bat,
just to watch her face.

This has clarity because you're telling us, but it has no snap. I prefer the original ending because the reader is left to join the dots, there is space for the reader to participate.

all the best