Poetry exercise, anyone? (profanity)

[Mark T]

Today’s exercise requires the composition of a 12 line poem in three stanzas.
The rhyme scheme is abcd – abcd – efgg. The good news is that no end-line rhymes are allowed, only internal rhyme somewhere in the line. (I suppose one can put a rhyming word at a line’s end provided the rhyming partner is internal.) Meter is optional.  

The following words must be used somewhere in the poem. Create your own title.  

Blue
Waiting
Stab
Eyes
Fire
Regret/s

Post in this thread. No personal edits allowed once posted. General crits and comments are encouraged. I’ll pick the poem I like most and that person can set the next exercise.
Deadline is 24 hours from the time of this post.
Deal?

[Mark T]

Oh, Sio... you have 24 minutes...

[510bhan]

I was in the shower and then I did the dishes . . .  

Twelve lines were hard to come up with, but hey -- here we go. I totally ignored the rhyme scheme seeing as you wanted something quick and they're not end rhymes anyway -- too hard for me to think about just for an exercise. I welcome disqualification for flaunting/ignoring the rules. At least I played.

The gas makes a noise,
stabs the air with blue fire
waiting inside its cold flame
and orange flickered periphery.

Pretend fire doesn’t fool me
burns turn to blisters and weep,
regret the substance matter
drips from your staring eyes.

No crackle, no dance
just blue, intense and sad
jettisoned and dependent
on that match to ignite.

[lan]

Challenge: accepted!



Need time though because at work.  Stay tuned.

[lan]

Lestat


While waiting at the platform
A flash of blue. A stab. It hurts.
Like fire it consumes within.
Then gone again. What?

Inquiring my own senses
For true or false from memory
A thought confirms: her eyes I saw
that seared my brain this way.

And now the lusty fiend will rise
To seek and trap and feed.
My hungry friend she will have met.
The others: anguish and regret



Please notice the intentional forced rhyme "brain" - "again". The speaker is not from our time.

[Mark T]

I was in the shower and then I did the dishes . . .  

Yes, yes, we all admire multi-tasking but don't stand on the wineglasses, okay?

Sterling contribution, thank you Sio. I like the way you breathlessly break all the rules not to mention the seamless infusion of metaphorical expansion in the lingering climax.

DM, that was quick... thank you for playing. Perhaps too quick, I see a couple of verb-subject disagreements that could have been avoided but otherwise nice and dramatic. S1 is the pick, intriguing and active but something of a slippery slope after that. Has the makings of a good piece - tinker with it offline some more.      

[lan]

I did comply with all the rules though

I do not see verb subject problems, kindly point them out so I may avoid such mistakes. I agree S2 is a little eldritch, I'll hammer at it a bit.

[Mark T]

Hi Ian, sorry I'm late, had shit to do... well, Sio's disqualified for flouting the rules, so you win by default as the only participant. It was a worthy poem though, so if you've been working on it a bit in the meantime perhaps you'd like to share the later version...? You can set an exercise now, entirely at your discretion, I will participate at least, and I suggest perhaps making it easier than i did. Thanks for participating. 

Inquiring my own senses

her eyes I saw

aka Yoda-speak

[lan]

Yay!


I need to work on my prize winner a bit more.  I was rather fond of that Yodaism, also because if I straighten it out it looks like I saw eyes right then and there. And not "it was eyes I saw".

Gimme a bit to figure out the next challenge. Is it to be carried out on this thread or a new one? 

[Mark T]

I would say a new one, and that this one should be removed by a mod first so there aren't two cluttering up the board but maybe that's not such a good idea to bug them. So rather carry on with this thread then and I undertake to have no more than two other posts on pg 1 until this falls off the page.

[lan]

Ok. Maybe in the future we can make this sticky and in the games and challenges. 

In the meantime, here it goes:


Fourteen lines!

Make it three quatrains and a couplet, make it two seven-line stanzas.  Give it good ol' iambic pentameter or go wild and experiment with rhyme and meter. It's up to you. As long as it's fourteen lines.

Oh one more thing.

STRICT RULE!: the final two or maximum three lines MUST redefine, overturn or in some way shed new and different light on the entire poem.  This is mandatory.

Lemme see what you've got!!!

[510bhan]

A 14 line Alexandrine-esque creation.

The Ould Pub

Ingrained, nicotine-stained, wrapped around the rafters
years of smoke curled and crept, redolent with laughter
and sorrows often felt, by those inside the bar,
pervading everything, as folk enjoyed a jar

among fellow strangers, or hidden in the snugs
avoiding prying eyes, discreet, illicit hugs
exchanged clandestinely, behind the wooden screen
where lovers go to meet, a welcome change of scene.

A confessional where souls pour out their troubles
even more when drinking, especially the doubles
a happy hour special, ensures that profits soar;
singing in Mc Kendry’s, let’s make those rafters roar.

But stagger from the ancient dream, draw in fresh air,
a look reveals it’s Wetherspoon’s, oh, such despair.

[lan]

Wow. So soon an entry and so exquisite!  Sio's on a roll tonight! 

Thank you!  Forgot to mention the 24 hour deadline from my initial post. Still lots of time for more entries!

[510bhan]

It's not an Alexandrine [3x4 line stanzas] as you stipulated 14 lines, but it does follow the pattern otherwise.

[CorneliusPoe]

Like Christmas mornings expectations
I pace and prance and curse the time
Awaiting the ordained arrival
Of online items to be mine

I’ve searched, I’ve browsed, I’ve read descriptions
I’ve viewed the specs from several sites
I’ve thanked the gods for tracking numbers
Though slow updates have cost me nights

And now at last the day is on me
I to and from the window race
It’s on the truck, “out for delivery”
A look reveals a driver’s face

At my door a knock or three
My wife says ”That one there’s for me.”