Author Topic: ... and now a brief intermission for some light entertainment...  (Read 995 times)

Offline Mark T

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The Rhyming Poet


Hark! unto, my, twisted, tortured, rhymes,
Melodious
Not odious
Or tedious
But harmonious
Just, like, two, ton, concrete, chimes,

Do-do do-do do-do dit
A dada dada dada dah

I like to write a little verse
Like toilet paper in reverse
I love a little bit of Keats
In between my tweets
I adore a little line
As long as it’s mine
I enjoy a little scan
Sitting on the can
I have a little big limerick
Tattooed on my dick

Time to dish up last week’s news
But first a little question
Does it give you any indigestion
When rehashed and sprinkled with my views?

The govt and their bulletproof van -
The enemy and their nasty plan -
The bankers and their savings ban -
The media and their Hollywood man -

The poet sits back and thinks
Of an ending with philosophic power
Got it! One grows older by the hour
While others say, that, this, really, stinks...

... Billy was the bouncer
At the Palace of Dance
He wore a cowboy hat
And had a baseball bat
When he was pissed
He used his big fist
Had a six-inch heel
With toes of steel
He’d kick you in the nuts
In between head butts
When he was mad
Things got bad
Shank you with a glass
Boot you up the ass
Break your dancing feet
And throw you in the street

Billy was the bouncer
At the Palace of Dance
When he was mellow
He was an okay fellow
Drinking whisky shots
In triple tots
Dealing grass
With knuckles of brass
Hustling pool
And playing the fool
Always chasing bucks
And the easy lucks
Finding chicks to squidge
In his private fridge
The trailer girls were sold
On his tooth of gold
Until he begun
With his freezer fun
In the middle of the night
When his mood was right
He’d take a coffee break
And chow his Texan steak

Billy was the bouncer
At the Palace of Dance
One payday night
Everything was alright
The place was packed
The racks were stacked (with booze)
But in the DJ booth
Up close to the roof
Something went wrong
While passing a bong
Some bozo caused a fire
And the music to expire
The sudden deadly silence
Almost led to instant violence
Dropping a dime
Just in time
The barmaid stripped
As an old record flipped
And began to play
South of the Border One Day
Flip-flapping titty fried eggs
Can-canning her hairy legs
She saved the night
Billy dimmed the light
So the hero barmaid
Could maybe get laid
This was okay
Saved the day
Until someone threw rocks
At the jukebox
Billy drew his Colt
And shot the dolt
Hit him in the toe
As he tried to go
Bullets began to fly
Billy didn’t wanna die
Dived behind the old piano
Just like GI Joe
Everyone began to punch and kick
And grab a stick
In the middle of the brawl
Billy lay dazed in a sprawl
Until the burning booth
And DJ Dr Rooth
Began to fall and crash
In a cloud of fiery ash
He grabbed his gun
Told everyone to run
There was a stampede
Across the floor
Which the door
Served only to impede
Billy did his thing
To swat and swing
The place was on fire
Goddam time to retire
Bottles were exploding
The cash was burning
As he was about
To finally get out
Billy remembered Midge
The chick locked in his fridge

Billy was the bouncer
At the Palace of Dance
In a monster truck
And shouting fuck
Billy crashed a wall
Crushed a glitter ball
Broke on through
With a burning shoe
He stamped his way
Across the blaze
To the squidge of the day
In the smoky haze
He could see the key
Needed to set her free
The key was hot
His fingers were not
With a yee-ha shout
He pulled her out
She held a frozen bra
Stuck to a pickle jar
Midge was blue
She was cold
What did you do
She began to scold
With burning feet
They began to retreat
The truck exploded
Blew them into the street
As the roof collapsed
In complete defeat

Billy used to be the bouncer
At the Palace of Dance
He married Midge the squidge
Who bought a tiny fridge.

Midge and Billy Wood
Owned a B&B motel
Things were going good
All was well
Outside of the town
His car had broken down
So the evil Dr Doom
Checked into a room
Dr Doom was a nasty man
His other name was Zatan
Prey were scared by that
So times he went by Zat
He had a sulphur whiff
& a magic neckerchief
He had X-ray eyes
& only spoke in lies
Zatan Doom was a killer
& he was feeling bored
He looked up as Billy roared
At Midge to come into the chiller

Midge and Billy Wood
Owned a B&B motel
It used to be a church
That was left in a lurch
When they could
They liked to ring the bell
Here came their latest guest
With an odd request
Looking for a knife
With which to end his life
Billy thought suicide
Was something to hide
But handed him a blade
To release his shade
Midge made a guess
This is going to be a mess
It all seemed whacked
Until Dr Doom attacked
He made a sudden grab
And a slicing stab
There was blood
In a little flood
But Billy knew
What to do
Told Midge to run away
Picked up a pot of clay
Hit Dr Doom
With a hollow boom
Jammed it over his head
Made him dead instead
With the carving knife
That belonged to his wife
Billy picked up his hat
What the hell was that-
Midge had returned
Something he earned-
Let’s not worry the cops
This is where he stops-
They put him in the cemetery
To await the Styxian ferry 


Midge and Billy Wood
Owned a B&B motel
They wondered if they should
Have sent Dr Doom to hell
In the middle of the night
They got a scary fright
He was back as a zombie
Screaming and howling
On the roof of a Kombi
Billy started pounding
With a garden rake
And a wooden stake
Through the heart
Dr Doom fell apart
They packed him in a heap
And went back to sleep
And it wasn’t even
Halloween

Midge and Billy Wood
Owned a B&B motel
Along came a gal
An ex of Billy’s pal
That was the bond
Jo was her name
But what was her game
She was big and blonde
Long and lean
A belly-ring in between
Her plastic tits
And the lower bits
Midge had no trust
Billy Wood had lust
Jo had no cash
Or a place to crash
It was time to drink
And not to think
Playing the blues
And sinking booze
Midge saw no point
And rolled a joint
While Billy and Jo
Put on their show
Jo was a flirt
Billy lost his shirt
He was being a tool
Threw Midge into the pool
She climbed out
With an angry shout
And went inside
To hide
With a soggy hairdo
Next thing he knew
Jo hit the water
Like a preacher’s daughter
He followed after
With a bellow of laughter
Jo was nude
Ready for rude
Billy had a boner
His wife was a stoner
So he slipped it in
A snatch of sin
Jo was a moaner
He was a groaner
As they frothed about
Midge came out
Racking a round
A shotgun sound
Billy couldn’t stop
He had to pop
Jo screamed with fear
Into his ear
Tried to get him off and out
Billy held tight
As she put up a fight
He had no doubt
That his big fat knob
Would finish the job
It was like a mermaid rodeo
As they splashed and slid
While the neighbour’s kid
Sent a YouTube video
As Billy unloaded
The shotgun exploded
Jo had a surprising crap
And gave Billy a slap
What a scene
Midge was mean
Do you see that lump
Bitch’s taken a dump-
And then Billy heard
You better go get
Your fishing net
And catch that turd-
Midge jacked a shell
Jo gave a yell
Grabbed the floater
Made a wild throw
Went thru a window
And into the toaster
This was the pits
Midge had the shits
But she was cool
Chased Jo from the pool
Told the witch
To hit the street
In her bare feet
Without a stitch
Jo wasn’t shy
Kept on walking
Met another guy
And started talking
Billy and his willy
Had been silly
Midge gave him strife
About married life
Billy didn’t care
He’d been in there
Billy whistled a song
Wait and see
It won’t be long
Get back my beer and TV.











Offline Mark T

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Re: ... and now a brief intermission for some light entertainment...
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2016, 04:08:19 PM »

The soundtrack. (Gyppo, you're gonna love this...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFzr_MFX0Ok





Offline Tom 10

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Re: ... and now a brief intermission for some light entertainment...
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2016, 05:26:27 PM »
My gawd Mark - vast (and vastly vertical) entertainment!  Whoopi-whoopi!  

It's easy to miss the quality writing tucked into the OTT humor and succession of tongue-in-cheek takes.  Lots of real solid presentation -- if you get the chance and have the inclination, I'd love to hear you on Soundcloud with this.

Here's my alternative soundtrack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlCjZziJSR0

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

T


BTW - reminiscent of endearing CPT-2 rants of old. ;D

Offline Mark T

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Re: ... and now a brief intermission for some light entertainment...
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2016, 07:03:53 PM »

 ;D ;D ;D -Soundcloud? Nooo... spare humanity, Ty! Thanks for the comment... did you really read it all the way through - ha ha. 

Didn't know the Leroy dude, pretty slick, back in the day. But ELP, amazing band, When you have an hour spare to enjoy, check this out. With headphones of course, and a tall drink.  ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jc3cNfn93Kw

I'm gonna see what I can do to kick up some life around here - lend a small hand if you can, won't you -   

Offline Tom 10

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Re: ... and now a brief intermission for some light entertainment...
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2016, 07:21:24 PM »
Still swamped by RL and will be for a while.  ELP - one of my faves back in the day. 8)

Offline Mark T

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Re: ... and now a brief intermission for some light entertainment...
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2016, 07:29:31 PM »

Swamp is right, ha ha. All good, otherwise? I been toiling with my Xhosa's - I guess we all been too busy, huh -