Author Topic: The Mellon Doctrine (Comic)  (Read 2510 times)

Offline tay-clem

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The Mellon Doctrine (Comic)
« on: April 12, 2014, 09:07:21 PM »
Last year, I was approached to write dialogue and cinematic scenes for an independent game. Unfortunately, the project has fallen through. The developers have generously allowed me to retain the intellectual property rights to the scripts I had written for them.

I have attached the first, as it is a little lengthy.

I'm looking for formatting tips (since I kind of Frankensteined different script styles) and general input.

Script writing is a much different beast than anything I had done before. Any help/criticisms would be greatly appreciated. :)

Offline 2par

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Re: The Mellon Doctrine (Comic)
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2014, 01:37:53 AM »
Tay-clem, some here won't download work. Perhaps, if you place a portion of your piece here, you will get some responses.

Offline Gyppo

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Re: The Mellon Doctrine (Comic)
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2014, 06:18:30 AM »
It's a question of once bitten, forever rabid.  

Seriously, once you've had something unpleasant arrive piggyback through your inbox you tend to become - sensibly in my opinion - overcautious.  

Not suggesting your work is unpleasant, or that you may have deliberately added a virus or some such beast, but many of us have stuff on our computers we can ill afford to lose.  Pre-emptive self defence.

So, as 2par suggests, post an extract.

Second comment.  There aren't as many playwrights and scriptwriters on here as more general writers, so it may take a while to get a response.  Don't assume you're being ignored if it takes a few days ;-)

Best wishes.  
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline tay-clem

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Re: The Mellon Doctrine (Comic)
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2014, 01:52:22 AM »
Oh gosh! I didn't even think about that.  :-\ Completely understandable though.

Page One

EXT. Ė Front yard of backwoodsy cabin

Panel One

This is the humble abode of BUBBA SMITH, a good olí redneck man-child. All kinds of RANDOM STUFF litters the hard-packed dirt yard. An OLD TRUCK, looks like a 1940s style pick-up, sits next to the cabin. Rust and primer show through the dull paint. Deer antlers and fur pelts decorate the outer walls. The cabin itself looks like it hasnít seen a coat of paint in decades.

BUBBA [V.O.]
It feels like another life.

Panel Two

INT. - CABIN

The inside pretty much matches the yard. There isnít much in the way of furniture. Any tables are covered in brown, glass bottles and crumpled aluminum cans. An old timey, ice box style fridge sits next to the screen door at the back of the house. A SHOTGUN hangs above the door.

BUBBA [V.O.]
I ainít proud oí who I was.

Panel Three

EXT. Backyard

We see BUBBA, passed out in the pig sty, arm draped over a HOG. A WHISKEY CROCK is by his head, tipped on its side and dribbling liquor into the mud. He definitely looks like heís been boozing.

BUBBA [V.O.]
I ainít never made excuses for the thangs I done, neither.

Panel Four

High rear shot. We see a SHERRIFF in his brown uniform standing at the edge of the pig sty. He looks like a figure of authority; tall, broad, not overly muscular, but enough to show physical power. He is carrying a BUCKET OF WATER.
Page Two

Panel One

Close up on BUBBAís face. Water SPLASHES on him.

BUBBA [V.O.]
I ainít Ďbout to, neither.

BUBBA
PPBBBLLT! Hey!

Panel Two

Side shot of PIG STY. SHERRIFF tosses the EMPTY BUCKET. BUBBA sits up and looks at him angrily.

SHERRIFF
Morniní sunshine.

BUBBA
Ainít no one ever told you itís bad luck to wake a man when heís sleepiní?

Panel Three

Mid shot of BUBBA still lying in the mud. He grabs the LIQUOR JUG and takes a swig.



Panel Four

Same shot of BUBBA. He is out of alcohol, and tosses the EMPTY JUG over his shoulder.

BUBBA
To what do I owe the pleasure of your compíny, Sherriff?

Offline Alex Lee

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Re: The Mellon Doctrine (Comic)
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2014, 02:49:17 PM »
Really painted a picture. Could see the yard and the house. Still waiting on the comedy!